A Kiss My Foot Match

A Kiss My Foot Match Part 1

If there’s anyone who should know that there is no trust around the WWF
lockerroom, it’s Stephanie McMahon. First, Lita takes her belt, then Trish
comes along and tries to take her friend and business associate, then Lita
and Trish start clashing with Trish using the same “Lita’s just a low-class
tramp” argument that Stephanie had. ‘How dare they,’ Stephanie thought while
sitting around in her private lockerroom in Albany, waiting for the No Mercy
pay-per-view to start.

“I’m the better woman in this mess. I know Lita doesn’t like Trish, and
Trish doesn’t like Lita, but both of
them are gunning for me above all else.
They want the crowd to like them that much more, and beating me down will do
that for them. Why don’t those idiots like me? I need an ally… someone to
help me win back the title and be my own woman. I’m a McMahon, dammit… not
just a valet!” But before Steph can finish her thought, the phone rings…

What a way to lead up to this pay-per-view and get people to pay $30 a pop
to order it… Stephanie comes out, to a chorus of boos, goes into the ring,
takes a microphone and begins a whiny, uninterrupted monologue.

“You know, Thursday night on Smackdown, Trish was out here with a
dictionary, speaking the truth… defining Lita as: one who displays
disgusting tattoos all over her body… one who wears her pants way too
low… and most important of all… a low-class cheap bimbo. Trish said a
lot of things that I agreed with, except for one. She defined champion as
one who shows marked superiority, one who fights for dignity and honor, a
winner of first place or first prize in a competition, and a militant
advocate or defender. That, I agree with… but I think I heard her say that
those were qualities that she possessed. So, I had my personal assistant leaf
through the unabridged dictionary, and find the definition of Trish Stratus.
I was surprised it was in there… and I wasn’t surprised at all to see Trish
Stratus defined as a cheap, filthy, dirty, bleach-blonde tramp. I would
rather find out what’s in between the fat, disgusting toes of anyone in this
arena then know what had been in Trish’s dirty mouth before she came out to
speak on Smackdown. You know, I was in New York last night, up in my
penthouse, getting my evening pedicure, when I looked down at the fine work
that this Vietnamese girl… Ming-Li, Ho-Chi, I just don’t remember what her
name is… did on my toes. After I tipped her the usual quarter and sent her
back to the run-down little home in the back room of what her family calls a
nail shop that I’ve been told looks as nasty as most of the homes in Albany,
I just looked at how she brought out the natural beauty of my toes. There was
this very expensive metallic pink nail polish that my mother found for me on
a recent trip to Italy. My mother gave it to me, then I gave it to my nail
girl and told her to get to polishing, and I was surprised by how good of a
job she did. All of you people can learn from this Vietnamese girl’s
example… just because you’re getting paid five dollars a hour doesn’t mean
you can slack off and not do your best and work your hardest… but forget
about her… I already have. I’m the true champion here. I’m the one you
should be paying attention to right now. Anyway, I just sat there for a few
minutes, looking at my toes and how perfectly they were polished. I thought
to myself, ‘Wow, that pink polish really looks good on me.’ Then, I thought
that I would much rather pop my own smooth, blemish-free, perfectly polished
toes into my mouth than think about Lita’s disgusting tattoo, or the vile
secrets that lie within Trish’s mouth… then I reached down and felt how
smooth my heels were after-”

Stephanie is interrupted mid-sentence by the sound of a crashing car, then
a huge roar from the crowd as WWF commissioner Mick Foley comes down the ramp
and into the ring with Stephanie.

“While I would love to hear more of your pedicure stories, Stephanie,
we’re running short on time, and I’m getting just a little tired of your
kvetching. Now, with all our shows switching networks, it’s been a little
confusing for some of us… and now that Heat is on MTV, Stephanie, you must
have confused our show with House of Style. You, Steph, are no Cindy
Crawford, and you’re no Daisy Fuentes either, even though I’m sure there’s at
least one person here in Albany, New York that could stand to see you in a
bikini. But I’m in the back, hearing you rip on Trish and Lita, then
remembering that yes, you were the womens’ champion before… I couldn’t
stand to listen to much more of your whining, and they tell me I might have
taken one too many chair shots to the head, so let me see if I understand the
jist of your little story here… you think that Trish and Lita are no match
for you… they should bow down and kiss your feet… don’t you, Stephanie?”

“Now that you mention it-”

“It doesn’t matter what you think!”

As the “Foley! Foley!” chants echo throughout the arena, Steph narrows her
eyes and sneers angrily at the commish.

“You know, Stephanie, your whining got me thinking. When Lita took the WWF
womens’ championship away from you, I never did grant you a proper rematch.
In fact, so much time has elapsed since you lost the title that Trish Stratus
has established herself as Lita’s number-one contender, and I must respect
her work in doing that. I’m sorry for letting this happen to you, Stephanie,
since I know how much you loved to defend the title when you had it, so I say
let’s correct my oversight… right here in Albany, New York!”

“Again with the cheap pop,” the King exclaims from ringside.

“I’m going to make a match with you, Stephanie… Trish Stratus… and
the WWF womens’ champion, Lita; a triple-threat match for the women’s
championship. But, since this is a special night, I’m adding a special
stipulation for this match. Neither you nor your opponents will be able to
win this match by pinfall, submission, count-out, or disqualification. Since
you think Lita and Trish should kneel down and kiss your feet… and as we
all saw on Smackdown, how Trish thinks the same of Lita… I’m going to make
this match a kiss-my-foot match… make either one of them do it in this very
ring, and you’ll win the women’s title. That’s my decision, Steph, and it’s
FINAL! Have a nice day!”

Stephanie just stood in stunned silence, in disbelief that she would have
to face the two women that she had just been running down, until they went to
the break. Steph made her way to the back, now that she had a match to
prepare for…

The match was added to the No Mercy card as the opening event. Just after
8, the pay-per-view had gotten started, the obligatory crowd shots had all
been taken… then it was time for Stephanie’s music to roll. As Stephanie
made her way down the ramp to the ring, posturing to the hostile crowd the
whole way, JR and Jerry ran through the rules for the match: no pinfalls, no
count-outs, no submissions, no disqualifications, but all the other
triple-threat rules apply. Each woman must come to the ring wearing shoes,
but no socks, and the shoes can be removed at any time. When one of the women
can get one of the others to willingly kiss her bare foot, that woman on the
recieving end of the kiss would be crowned WWF women’s champion.

In the time it took to run through the rules, Stephanie made her way down
the ramp and into the ring, grabbed the microphone from the ring announcer,
and took her place with arms folded, staring at JR and Jerry, waiting for
them to shut up.

“I can not believe that I was put into this match by that barbarian, Mick
Foley. I mean, making me win back my women’s championship by having Lita or
Trish kiss my foot? I don’t know about my opponents tonight, who probably
don’t even wash their feet after working out or after matches, but I take
care of my feet. I go to a lot of trouble to get a good pedicure. In fact, I
was talking about how they really accentuate the natural beauty of my feet
on Heat before I was so rudely interrupted by our commisioner. My feet are
perfect, beautiful, and as pure and polished as they come… which is more
than I can say for Lita’s dirty mouth. And Trish… I won’t even start on
what’s been in that tramp’s mouth before this match. But if that’s how I have
to re-gain my women’s title, then that’s what I’ll do; and I hope I can get
whatever foot they kiss scrubbed and disinfected in time to help my business
associate, Kurt Angle, win the WWF championship. You will be pleased to know,
however, that I am ready; my father tipped me off that this match might
happen here tonight. I asked him if he thought it was fair for me to be in
the ring with two women who hate me a little more than they hate each other.
He said no… no it isn’t. My father doesn’t want me hurt out here, so he
decided to even the stakes a little bit.”

Stephanie’s music (still borrowed from HHH) starts playing again. From
behind the curtain emerges a six-foot-tall blonde, wearing a black tank-top,
black spandex shorts and black patent high heels. Just about everyone in the
arena does a double-take as the long-legged blonde sachets her way into the

“Hello, everyone… allow me to introduce myself. Some of you might not
know me, since the show I used to be on runs against the WWF on Monday night.
They used to call me Miss Hancock on that other show… but you can just call
me Stacy. I was brought in because I’m out of work at the moment, and my dear
friend Stephanie needed an ally in this women’s championship match.”

Again, the sound of a car crashing interrupts the talk inside the ring,
and again Mick Foley comes out, microphone in hand.

“I don’t know who you are, Stacy, or where you came from, but you can’t
just waltz in here and insert yourself into the match tonight. I am the
commissioner of the WWF, I made this a triple-threat match, and that ruling
was, and is, FINAL! Now Stacy, if you wouldn’t mind getting out of the ring

This time, Foley is the one interrupted. “No chance… that’s what you’ve
got…” blasts from the speakers, and out comes the man himself, the chairman
of the WWF, Vince McMahon, and he has a microphone in hand.

“Hold on there, Mick. Now, you’re well aware of the power structure of the
WWF. You’ve been the one in charge of making matches… while I’ve been
away… being that genetic jackhammer. But, as you can see, I’m back tonight,
and as the WWF chairman, I have just a little more authority than you do.
Stacy was out there, having been let go from her previous job, and she was
eager to help Stephanie out in this match… so I signed Stacy to a contract.
She is part of the WWF roster now, Mick. And, while I was at it, I went ahead
and included Stacy in this match. But Mick, I do respect what you’re trying
to do here, so I kept the ‘kiss my foot’ stipulation. So this is now a fatal
four-way kiss my foot match for the women’s title… and that, Mick, is
FINAL! Good luck Stephanie… and Stacy… get to smoochin’!”

Obeying the chairman’s orders, Stephanie slips off her sneakers, revealing
her just-as-advertised perfectly pedicured feet, iridecescent pink toenails
and all. Stacy got down on all fours to kiss Stephanie’s foot and end the
match, even though the bell had yet to ring. Trish Stratus’s music hits, and
she comes running out; as fast as she can run with her trademark knee-length
black boots on, that is. Trish hurriedly jumps into the ring and drags Stacy
up off the mat by the hair. Then, the bell rings. Trish grabs Stacy and whips
her into the ropes. Stacy bounces off the ropes, then off the mat. What a
debut for Stacy, as she rolls out of the ring and lies in front of the
announce tables clutching her left ankle. As Trish watches Stacy writhe
outside the ring, smiling at her accomplishment of injuring the WWF’s newest
female and the biggest competitor to her “hot blonde” spot in just a few
seconds, Stephanie sneaks up behind her. Rather than wait for Trish to turn
around, Stephanie wastes no time in grabbing Trish from behind and attacking
her, knocking her to the mat. Stephanie dives on top of Trish and starts in
with forearm shots to her head. While Stephanie pounds away, Lita’s music
hits and she comes out, women’s title belt around her waist and her usual
sneakers on her feet, and poses for the crowd. Stephanie does not take
notice of Lita’s arrival, despite the crowd’s eruption when Lita came out.

“Wow, I’ve finally made these dumb-asses like me,” Stephanie thinks as she
hears the roar of the crowd. She stands up and looks triumphantly at Trish as
she rolls out of the ring towards Stacy, when Lita flies in from the top rope
and puts the hurricarana on Stephanie. Lita grabs Stephanie’s arms and drags
her to the center of the ring, then she climbs the ropes again. Lita steadies
herself on the top rope for just a moment, long enough to look down and see
Trish kneeling beside Stacy, checking out the ankle twisted by her handiwork
up close. Out of the corner of her eye, Trish sees Lita looking at them on
the floor, so she pulls both of Stacy’s shoes off and goes to kiss her
wounded left ankle. If they were in the ring, that would make Stacy the
champion… but since they’re outside, it doesn’t count for anything. Still,
Lita re-positions herself slightly and does her moonsault onto the floor.
Lita came down across a kneeling Trish and knocked her flat onto the floor,
getting back up and admiring her handiwork as Trish lay flat on her back, her
head at Stacy’s feet. All of the sudden, Stephanie grabbed Lita by the hair
and pulled her into the ring. Lita jumped onto the apron, elbowed Stephanie
three or four times, then climbed onto the top rope and hit a reeling
Stephanie with a cross-body. Lita stood up and tore off her sneakers,
revealing her own freshly pedicured feet with toenails painted a shade of
iridescent pink strikingly similar to Stephanie’s, to a thunderous ovation,
throwing the left sneaker into the crowd and using the right one to beat up
on Stephanie.

Lita got in about ten good sneaker shots to Stephanie’s face when Stacy
throws the champion off of Stephanie, taking the sneaker away from Lita and
tossing it into the crowd. Stacy whips Lita into the ropes, then hits her
with a high knee. Lita falls straight down, and Lita’s lips bounce right off
Stacy’s right big toe, while Stephanie watches with a huge smile thinking the
referee was right behind her about to call Lita out… but the ref was on the
outside, tending to Trish, who was still down in front of the announce tables
after being knocked into la-la land by Lita’s moonsault. Stacy hops around
the ring a few times, smarting from the impact Lita had on her bare foot,
before triumphantly rubbing her soft, supple left arch across Lita’s mouth
five times. On the fifth pass, Stacy giggled a bit in surprise; it almost
felt like Lita’s tongue shot out and tagged the high point of her arch.

Stephanie and Stacy embraced; it looked like a cinch that Stephanie would
re-gain the women’s title, because Stephanie understood that Stacy was going
to offer her the chance to win the women’s title later that night, then
quickly job the title to her.

The two ladies disengaged their embrace, and Stacy promptly dropped to her
knees, bent down and went to kiss Stephanie’s foot. Stephanie just stood
there with a huge smile on her face, waiting for Stacy’s lips to press on her
toes. Ten seconds passed, and Stacy was still kneeling, her lips just inches
from Stephanie’s left big toe. Fifteen seconds passed, then twenty, and still
no kiss. Meanwhile, Lita had rolled out of the ring, walked over to where
Trish was laying on the outside and carried her back inside the ring. The
referee, who had been tending to Trish on the outside, followed them in. When
Stephanie looked down, a sly smirk appeared on Stacy’s face… the princess
had been taken for a ride.

Stacy grabbed Stephanie’s calves, pulled her to the mat and nailed her with
one forearm shot after another. Stacy rose to her feet, pulled Stephanie to
her feet by the hair, then whipped her off the ropes and hit her with a high
knee. As Lita had, Stephanie fell straight down and her lips landed right on
Stacy’s instep, just behind her right big toe. But the bell did not ring…
the ref had his back turned, still tending to Trish. Stephanie rolled out of
the ring, while Stacy just looked plain aggravated.

Lita had seen enough… she was going to end this match right now. She
stormed over to the corner where a groggy Trish had propped herself up,
pushed her right foot right into her open mouth until all of her toes were
inside and screamed at the referee to ring the bell. He refused. Then, all of
the sudden, a rush of pain shot through Lita’s right leg. She jerked her toes
out of Trish’s mouth, fell to the mat and rolled out of the ring. ‘Did that
just happen?,’ Lita thought to herself as she pulled her right foot to her
knee. ‘No, I wasn’t imagining things,’ she thought as she examined the bite
mark that Trish had left around the base of her first two toes. ‘I sure hope
she didn’t mean to do that.’

Now, that left the two blondes, Trish and Stacy, in the ring to settle
their new-found differences. While Lita lingered outside, Trish put Stacy in
a headlock and took her on a tour of the ring, hitting a bulldog on her at
every turn and running the sole of her boot across her back before Stacy got
back up. After eight bulldogs, Stacy staggered to her feet long enough to
nail Trish with a leg sweep, knocking both women on their backs. However,
Trish rose first, then bounced herself off the ropes hoping to land a
modified frog splash on Stacy. Stacy, however, had other ideas, putting her
knees to her chest to block the move. Trish proved to be very resilient,
however, staggering back to her feet, hitting another bulldog on Stacy, then
whipping her off the ropes and spearing her. It took a few seconds before
Stacy began to make it onto her hands and knees when Trish put her down with
four kicks in rapid succession. Trish then pulled off her left boot, tossed
it into the corner and began to position her bare left foot under Stacy’s
face. When Stacy started to rise again, Trish intended to kick her down with
her right foot, landing her lips on her left foot and giving her the

However, Stacy was a little slow to get up. Trish was so intent on waiting
for Stacy that she didn’t notice that Lita had slipped back into the ring.
Just as Stacy began to rise, Lita grabbed Trish by the hair and whipped her
down to the mat, then started with kicks, pounding the toes that Trish had
bitten into her mid-section five or six times. As Lita kicked Trish,
Stephanie grabbed Stacy, pulled her out of the ring and started slapping her.
Lita picked Trish up again and whipped her into the corner, then came
charging in. Trish put her leg up, hoping to stop Lita from diving into her
but hoping in the back of her mind that the referee would call it a kiss when
Lita’s face hit the sole of her foot. Problem was, she put her right leg up,
and she never did take off that boot. It really didn’t matter anyway; Lita
side-stepped the boot and hit a clothesline on her. When Trish staggered out
of the corner, Lita put her in a headlock with her right arm, then held her
left arm out and screamed to the crowd. Time for the Twist of Fate… Lita
turned and hit it, leaving Trish flat on her back. Lita pulled her to the
center of the ring, then ascended the ropes for her moonsault. While Stacy
and Stephanie kept slapping each other outside the ring, Lita climbed to the
top rope and hit the moonsault on a fallen Trish. With that done, Lita
bounced to her feet, then rolled Trish over and positioned her foot directly
underneath her lips, in plain view of the camera as it went in tight on those
rarely-seen yet pretty toes that Lita was suddenly proud of, wiggling back
and forth in full view in anticipation of the end of the match, with Trish’s
lips resting on the nearby insteps. This time, the ref saw it and rang the
bell. “The winner of this match, and still World Wrestling Federation women’s
champion… Lita!”

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