Adventures In Radio #19 – Holy Wars

Not to be read by anyone under 18, unless you’re a hot chick.

In which case my address is:

6669 NE 89th St.

Denver, CO (not really, but you can still drop by and see who lives there if you want)

The following is completely fictional. Any resemblance to reality is entirely coincidental. Contents of this story are merely creative license, not unlike a TV show or movie that uses real people in fictional settings and situations. However, if you do have video or pictures of events similar to the ones described below, feel free to forward them to me for closer examination. Feedback, comments, praise, criticism,
death threats, nude photos, etc. can be sent to voodoojoe2000 at yahoo dot com.

For personal use only. Feel free to distribute to friends, enemies, lovers, friends you hope to one day be lovers, enemies that used to be friends but you wish they were lovers, whatever, just keep my name and e-mail address on the story or I shall hunt you down and make you write the whole damn thing out by hand.

The celebs of choice for this piece of fiction are Rose McGowan. Codes are (MF, cons, oral). Go fuck yourself and go read something else if you dislike those codes or want something more. Or better yet, write it yourself.

It’s Halloween and KMB is pressuring me to do Rose, so I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone by getting Rose into a Halloween story. No vampires or anything, but if you’re good I might put Rose in a French maid outfit. Or are we still boycotting France for not supporting our president’s crusades in the holy land and changing “French maid” to “Freedom maid?” On second thought, I don’t want any Freedom maids in my story.

The narrative also jumps around a bit. So anything separated by “* * * * *” means I’m flashing back, while “+ * + * +” means I’m jumping forward. I just hope I have what it takes to pull it off without it being a complete mess. If it doesn’t work, then oh well, we can’t score all the time.

“So come on and have a good time

And get blinded out of your mind

So don’t worry about tomorrow

Take it today

Forget about the cheque

We’ll get hell to pay.” – AC/DC ‘Have A Drink On Me’

Adventures In Radio #19 – Holy Wars

By voodoojoe


As my brain surfaced from its slumber the pounding in my head told me I’d overdone it the night before. I tried to open my eyes but the sunlight pouring through the window only aggravated the hangover I was feeling so I clenched them shut and prayed for someone to put me out of my misery. I would’ve groaned but my mouth was so dry it felt like I’d slept with a heat lamp stuck in there.

“My head,” a female voice groaned from next to me on the bed.

My eyes shot open at the sound of someone else in the room. Ignoring the pain, I rolled over and forced my eyes to focus on the mass of dark hair and pale shoulders that belonged to the woman I’d obviously brought back to my room in my drunken stupor.

I was just beginning to wrack my brain for any clue as to her identity when she started to sit up. As she sat up, the sheet that covered us fell down to give me a nice view of her bare breasts. She rubbed her temples for a moment before she dropped her hands. One of them landed on my leg and she seemed to realize for the first time that she wasn’t alone.

“Hi Rose,” I said as she turned her head to look at me.

“I think I drank too much,” Rose McGowan told me, echoing my own thoughts. If she was shocked at seeing me

“I’m not sure if it matters, but is this your room or mine?” I asked her as I lazily sat up.

“I don’t know, they all look the same to me,” Rose replied, slipping out of bed.

Naked as the day she was born, Rose unsteadily headed for the bathroom. After taking a moment to appreciate the way her ass swayed, I got out of bed myself.

When I saw my bag sitting in the chair in the corner I knew that it was my room. Digging through it I pulled out a pair of boxers to slip on and waited for Rose to finish in the bathroom so I could shower.

Moving my bag off the chair, I plopped down in it and grabbed the remote to the TV. I flipped through channels for a few minutes before I noticed the gift basket on the coffee table. Getting out of the chair I went to investigate.

“What ya got there?” Rose asked me when she saw me looking at the card from the basket. She had just come out of the bathroom and was dressed in a white cotton robe with a towel wrapped around her head.

“Maybe you should look at it,” I said, handing her the card.

“Shit,” Rose said as she looked at the card that was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Tozier.

“This has to be a joke, doesn’t it?” I asked her. “You don’t seem to remember getting married and I certainly don’t.”

“I don’t remember much of anything from last night,” Rose confessed. “I remember going out with Alyssa last night and then waking up with you.”

“I’m gonna take a shower,” I announced.

“It’ll help your hangover,” Rose said, pulling the plastic off the gift basket and pulling out a chocolate muffin.

“I hope so,” I said as I headed for the bathroom.

Turning on the water, I let it run for a moment to make sure the water got nice and hot. While it ran I looked in the mirror and winced at my bloodshot eyes. Once I’d stepped under the spray of the shower I began trying to piece together my day yesterday.

I was on vacation in Vegas for Halloween and Elisha had insisted on coming since she had a break in her schedule and wanted to go for some reason. Matt was handling the show but I was still doing bits and pieces from here so I could write the trip off as a business expense.

* * * * *

Tying one end of the string to the small black snake I’d bought at a local pet and the other to my hand, I knocked on Elisha’s door. Just before the door opened, I knelt and put the snake on the carpeting. When the door started to swing open I let go of the snake and watched it slither toward the open door.

“Eek,” Elisha screamed when she saw the snake.

Poking my head through the door I watched with amusement as Elisha jumped up a chair and cowered while the snake tried to take cover under the chair. Stepping into the room I pulled on the string and reeled it in while trying not to laugh at Elisha staring daggers at me for my prank.

“Happy Halloween,” I told her as I bent down to pick up the snake.

“Get that thing away from me,” Elisha hollered as I held it up for her to get a closer look. She shrunk back against the wall to get away from it.

“It’s a harmless garter snake,” I told her.

“I don’t fucking care,” Elisha snapped. “Get it away from me.”

“Fine, I’ll let it go in the parking lot,” I told her.

Leaving her room I took the elevator down to the lobby and did as I told her I would. I untied the string and let the garter snake slither off to become food for a bird or stray cat or something.

After letting the snake go I headed for where I was supposed to meet Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan for the interview I was supposed to do with them. Since it was Halloween Matt had figured that it made sense to have witches on the show. Why they didn’t stay in LA and let Matt grill them I had no idea, but here they were in Vegas waiting for me so who was I to let them down?

When I reached the conference we were scheduled to use they weren’t there yet. I was early though so I called into the show and was put on hold by Sarah until they were ready for me. With nothing else to do I sat down in one of the chairs and played Bejeweled on my cell phone.

“Checking to see if you have messages?” Alyssa asked as her and Rose walked into the room.

“No, just killing time by playing games,” I replied, standing up.

“Aren’t men always playing games?” Alyssa asked. Even though it was the end of October we were in the desert so Alyssa had on jeans and a t-shirt with her hair tucked under a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball hat.

“Amen,” Rose said. She had on a light red dress that came halfway up her back and extended down to about mid-thigh. Unlike Alyssa her hair hung down and cascaded over her shoulders.

“I’ll ignore that comment for the time being,” I said.

“Good because I don’t want you saying anything that would make me hurt you,” Alyssa said, giving me a hug.

“Keep giving me hugs like that and I won’t be able to say much of anything,” I told her.

“Always the flirt,” Alyssa said, smiling at me. “We’re not late, are we?”

“No, I’m on hold until they’re ready for us. I put it on speakerphone so I don’t have to sit there and wait for Sarah to get around to me,” I responded. “Sit down and take a load off.”

“Since we have time I’m going to get a drink,” Rose announced. “Want anything Alyssa?”

“No thanks,” Alyssa said.

With that Rose left without bothering to even talk to me. It wasn’t unexpected though since Rose had never seemed all that fond of me the one or two times we’d met prior. I wouldn’t say she hated me, but I also wouldn’t say I was her favorite person in the world.

“Don’t mind her,” Alyssa said. “She gets cranky in the mornings.”

“She’s always cranky around me then because that’s par for the course,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“Richie?” Sarah’s voice said from the speakerphone.

“Yeah Sarah, I’m here,” I said.

“You’re on after the commercials, so don’t go anywhere,” Sarah said, putting me on hold before I could respond.

“I need a soda,” I said.

“She just said not to go anywhere,” Alyssa said.

“I know, and it’ll drive her crazy that I did go somewhere,” I stated matter of factly. “I might even make sure I’m late getting back just to irritate her even further.”

“You can’t leave me alone with her if she’s mad,” Alyssa said.

“Okay then,” I said, pushing the button to hang up the phone. “Oops, we’ve been disconnected and I didn’t realize it until she didn’t respond.”

“Get me a Diet Pepsi and I’ll keep quiet,” Alyssa said.

“Sure thing,” I said.

I left the room and went around the corner to where I’d seen a Pepsi machine. When I got there Rose was beating on it and looking like she was about to wrestle it into submission.

“Want me to kick it for you since you’re in heels?” I asked Rose.

“Please,” Rose said, taking a step back from the machine.

Lifting my leg I delivered a kick to the base of the machine. When didn’t work I balled up my hand into a fist and smacked it on the side. That must have worked because it started to rumble and a can came out like it was supposed to do without the violence.

“Thanks,” Rose said as she opened her can of Mountain Dew.

“You loosened it up for me,” I said as I started popping coins into the machine. When she started to walk away I stopped her. “Don’t go yet. I might need your help in case it didn’t learn its lesson the first time.”

She stopped and waited with her arms folded in front of her while I got myself a Pepsi and a Diet Pepsi for Alyssa. When it didn’t act up again and both cans came out without a problem she dropped her arms to the side and walked back toward the conference room.

“Here you go,” I told Alyssa, handing her Diet Pepsi. “Now I have to call Sarah back and listen to her scream at me about schedules and such.”

When I reached Sarah Matt was just coming back from commercials so she was too busy to bother with yelling at me. Instead she put me on hold again and made me wait some more.

“I don’t know how you can drink that stuff,” Alyssa told Rose as Rose drank her Mountain Dew. “It’s nothing but caffeine and sugar.”

“It’s got fruit juice in it,” Rose said, scanning the list of ingredients on the can. “See, right here it says ‘concentrated orange juice and other natural flavors.’ So it’s not all bad.”

“Yeah, a little orange juice really makes up for all the other crap,” Alyssa sarcastically remarked.

“More than what’s in that Pepsi,” Rose snorted.

“And now we’re joined by Richie in Las Vegas where he’s with Alyssa Milano and Rose McGowan,” Matt announced on the air.

“I should have gone to Phoenix or something for vacation,” I told Matt. “It’s just as hot there but I don’t feel tempted to stay up all night playing the slot machines. I might need another vacation to recover from this one.”

“Give me a raise and I’ll host for as long as you want,” Matt responded. “But right now you have an interview to do.”

“You can interview them and I’ll go place a bet on tonight’s football game. Come on, what do you say?”

“Some of us have things to do today,” Rose said, interrupting our banter.

“I know, I have money to lose to the casino,” I said. “But I guess I could put that off for a few minutes.”

“You’re right, she is cranky around you,” Alyssa whispered to me. “What’d you do to her?”

“So, is it true that this is the final year of Charmed?” I asked both of them.

“Brad’s holding out hope for one more year or a spin-off,” Alyssa said, referring to the decision-maker on the show, Brad Kern.

“It’s the last year for me,” Rose said. “My contract is up after the season and it’s time to move on.”

“Richie’s going to miss seeing you go braless every week,” Matt chipped in.

“I’m definitely going to miss watching the costume department save money by skimping on the bra budget,” I said.

“It should still be on TNT so you won’t suffer too much,” Alyssa said.

“Yeah, that’s where I catch most of the episodes,” I said.

“What? You can’t bother to watch the new episodes?” Alyssa teased me.

“Last year you were opposite The Simpsons and Arrested Development. You guys would’ve had to be completely naked for me to skip them,” I told them.

“You know, I think that’s one of the episodes we’re doing for sweeps this season,” Rose joked.

“If you do, you’ll set every record The WB has,” I told her. “Of course, you’ll still come up ten million viewers short of winning your time slot because you’re on The WB.”

“Better than being on UPN,” Rose snapped.

“That it is,” I said, taken aback by Rose’s reaction.

“Everyone out there make sure to watch Charmed every Sunday this season,” Matt said, sensing that I’d worn out my welcome with the feisty brunette. “Thanks for joining the show Alyssa and Rose.”

“Thanks for having us,” Alyssa said.

“That went well,” I sarcastically remarked as I hung up the phone.

“I’m sorry I snapped like that,” Rose apologized.

“See Rose, that’s what happen when you drink that shit,” Alyssa said.

“I’m hungry,” Rose announced. “Want to get something to eat with us?”

“Only if you promise not to stab me with a fork,” I told her.

“I’m not that bad, really,” Rose assured me. “It just sounded like you were making fun of our show and I just let it get to me.”

“Alyssa has to pay, but she can’t pick the restaurant,” I said, knowing that we’d likely get stuck in some place that didn’t have anything to eat that I would want to eat if Alyssa picked.

“Hey, why can’t I pick if I have to pay?” Alyssa demanded.

“Deal,” Rose said, waving off Alyssa’s question.

+ * + * +

“You’re right, it did help,” I told Rose when I came out of the shower feeling much better. I still wasn’t completely over the effects but wasn’t wincing at the sound of my watch ticking either.

“I’m not sure if this is a joke or not,” Rose said as she nodded her head toward the table where her empty muffin wrapper was laying. She was sitting on the couch with her feet up on the table, the robe barely covering the good stuff.

Looking at the table I saw another piece of paper sitting there. I picked it up and looked at it. I’d never been married before but the paper looked an awful lot like a marriage license for Richard Tozier and Rose McGowan. Some guy named Robert Scott had signed it and Alyssa had signed as the witness. With a sigh I plopped down on the couch next to her.

“It looks real enough,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief that I could get married without remembering it. “Maybe we should just give in and make it official by getting sweaty.”

“If you want to do jumping jacks right now, go ahead,” Rose said, smirking at me.

“I was thinking more along the lines of squat thrusts,” I replied, sticking my tongue out at her.

“You really shouldn’t show it unless you plan on using it,” Rose said, pushing my tongue back into my mouth with her finger.

“Who says I won’t use it if needed?” I responded.

“You won’t be using it,” Rose said.

“It’s not like we didn’t already do it last night or anything,” I told her.

“Nothing happened last night,” Rose said.

“How do you know?” I asked her.

“I just know,” she said.

“Come on, how do you know nothing happened?” I pressed.

“You don’t have a mark on you,” Rose replied. “I tend to scratch when I’m getting off. Since you’re not scratched up, either nothing happened or you didn’t finish the job.”

“You’re right, nothing happened,” I said as I dug a blueberry muffin out of the basket. “Do you remember anything about yesterday?”

“I remember having to take you out to lunch after biting your head off,” Rose replied.

“Anything after that?” I asked her.

“I went out with Alyssa but it gets fuzzy after that,” Rose said.

“That’s probably about where my memory went blank as well,” I said. “Since Alyssa was the witness at our ‘wedding’ she’d probably know something.”

“I hate it when people make the quotation marks with their fingers, so stop it,” Rose said.

“Sorry, it’s a habit I find hard to break,” I sheepishly said.

“I’ll get Alyssa up here if promise not to do it again,” Rose offered.

“You call her and I’ll sit here trying to remember,” I agreed.

* * * * *

“It’s open,” I hollered, knowing that it was Elisha pounding on my door. She’d gotten wind of a Halloween party in the hotel and had managed to finagle invitations for us.

“Ready to go?” Elisha asked as she opened the door and popped her head into the room. Her eyes darted around the room as if she was looking for something.

“I let the snake go in the parking lot,” I told her as I put on my horns.

“Good,” Elisha said, finally coming into the room. She was wearing a long, flowing, white robe and on her head sat a yellow halo to complete her angel costume.

“How do I look?” I asked her as I picked up my pitchfork in one hand and grabbed my tail with the other.

“Like a cute little devil,” Elisha said.

“Damn, I was going for evil, but I guess cute is acceptable,” I said.

“It’s easier to corrupt people when you’re cute,” Elisha pointed out as she turned to head for the door.

“Wait, I forgot something,” I told her as I pulled a rubber snake out of my pocket.

“What’d you? Eek,” Elisha started to ask, but it devolved into a screech when she turned around and I held the fake snake up to her face. She tried to scramble backwards but she tripped over her robe and fell on her ass.

“It’s fake,” I said, smacking it against the wall so she could hear that it was indeed rubber.

“Don’t do that to me,” Elisha grunted as she got to her feet.

“That’s the last time,” I promised her. “Though I might reconsider that if it’d make your robe fly open like that again. I never would’ve pegged angels for red panties.”

“You’re walking in front so I can see what you’re doing,” Elisha instructed, pushing me toward the door.

+ * + * +

A knock on the door snapped me out of my stupor. I didn’t bother to get up though. I figured it was Alyssa and that Rose would get it. I was proven right when I heard Alyssa’s voice on the other side of the door.

“Man were you guys plastered last night,” Alyssa said when she entered the room.

“Have a muffin and tell us about it,” I told her.

“Do you know how many carbs are in those?” Alyssa asked.

“Not off the top of my head, no,” I replied.

“Then no,” Alyssa said. “Anyway, Rose and I went to a costume party and we found you and Elisha.”

“I don’t remember you guys being there,” I said. “What were you wearing?”

“Rose was a French maid and I went as Rose,” Alyssa replied.

“You went as Rose? How exactly did you do that?” I asked her. I’d already seen the French maid outfit lying on he floor so I already had a good idea what Rose had been wearing, but I wasn’t quite sure what Alyssa meant by her costume.

“She wore the dress I wore to the Music Video Awards a few years ago,” Rose supplied.

“Damn it all to hell,” I swore. “How could I not remember that? You wore ‘The Dress’ and I have no memory of it?”

“You were drinking pretty good, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember,” Alyssa said.

“And nobody thought to tell me to slow down so I’d remember it?” I said, disgusted with myself.

“Anyway, you and Rose got into a drinking contest. Rose won, but I think it was only because you were already hammered when it started,” Alyssa said.

“That still doesn’t answer how we wound up married,” I pressed her.

“I’m getting to that,” Alyssa said. “So, you and Rose were getting cozy in between shots and I don’t like Elisha liked it much. The closer you two got, the more distant she got. Elisha likes you, by the way.”

“You’re still not telling us what we want to know,” Rose told her.

“Fine, if you don’t want to know what happened last night, then I’ll just leave,” Alyssa said.

“Get on with the story,” I said, sighing in frustration.

“Well, Elisha finally got pissed enough that she took off when you guys started making out at the table,” Alyssa continued. “I got up to dance and when I came back you were heading for the door arm in arm.”

“Then what happened?” Rose asked.

“I was bored with the party so I followed you guys until you went into the chapel next door. I finally caught up and tried to talk you out of it. I told you you’d regret it in the morning, but you wouldn’t listen to me,” Alyssa said. She never said the words ‘I told you so’ but it was definitely implied.

“So instead of doing something about it, you decided to play witness?” Rose demanded.

“Hey, I tried to talk some sense into you. After that, I just knew it was going to be funny to see when you found out,” Alyssa responded. “And you know what? I was right.”

“Fuck,” Rose cursed.

“Too bad you still haven’t filed the license or it’d really be funny,” Alyssa said.

“What?” I asked her.

“The license on the table,” Alyssa clarified. “It’s not official until you file it.”

“Thank God,” Rose hissed.

“You mean that’s not a copy? That’s the real one?” I asked her.

“You didn’t know? Oh that so makes up for everything,” Alyssa said, breaking into a laugh.

“I’m glad you get a laugh at our expense,” I told her.

“I’d love to hang around some more, but I have a few things I need to take care of before we head back to LA later,” Alyssa said between bursts of laughter. “You coming Rose?”

“I need to get dressed first,” Rose replied. “I’ll meet up with you later.”

“Okay, but if you’re not there when I’m ready to leave then you’ll have to catch a ride with your hubby,” Alyssa said, grinning at us as she walked toward the door.

“Burn that thing and we can forget about all of this,” Rose said, pointing at the marriage license on the table.

“Would it really be that bad?” I asked her.

“Would what really be that bad?” Rose asked.

“Being married to me, would it be that bad?” I asked her.

I don’t know if Rose was the perfect person for me, but I certainly could do much worse. It also would’ve had several positives like pissing off my parents for getting married without inviting them. It also would’ve meant I’d get to settle down with a good-looking woman that wasn’t going to put up with my shit without having to put myself out there at the risk of having my ego shattered when she said no.

“I wouldn’t mind it,” I told her.

“Of course not, you’d be married to me,” Rose said. “Who wouldn’t want to fuck this every night?”

“But being married to me would be nightmare? I understand,” I said.

“You’re a nice enough guy once you stop acting like an asshole,” Rose said, “but I’m not the marrying type.”

“Ah, the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine,” I said.

“For God’s sake,” Rose grunted. “Quit being a whiny bitch already.”

“I’ll show you a whiny bitch,” I said, grabbing by the shoulders and pulling her to me. I forcefully pressed my lips against hers.

“You do have a spine,” Rose said when the kiss broke. She threw her leg over mine and straddled me with her knees on the couch.

“Got more than that,” I hissed. I began kissing her neck while my fingers pulled open the sash of her robe.

She ground her crotch against me as my hands cupped her breasts. Opening my own robe she reached between us and grabbed my cock. Lifting herself up she lined it up with her pussy and dropped down on it without fanfare.

Without giving either of us time to savour the penetration Rose put her hands on my shoulders and immediately began fucking herself with my cock. As she bounced on top of me I grabbed the robe and pulled. She took one hand off my shoulder so I could take the robe off that arm and then repeated the motion with the other arm. When her robe fell to the ground I grabbed her ass and used it to begin meeting each one of her thrusts with as much ferocity as I could muster.

After the last few minutes I didn’t feel like being nice. I didn’t feel like letting her have as much control as she was exercising at the moment. Something primal had snapped inside me and I wanted to make sure she felt every inch of it.

Keeping one hand on her ass I moved the other one up to the small of her back. I pressed her against me as I rolled over so she was on her back. I pushed her along the couch until her back was pressed against the arm of the couch.

“Come on and fuck me, you pansy,” Rose grunted as I put my hands on the armrest on either side of her head and began hammering into her. Her hands grabbed my shoulder blades and she arched her back underneath me as her legs scissored around my waist.

Dropping my right foot to the ground I used it to give me some extra power on my thrusts. If she wanted me to fuck her, that was exactly what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to go slow and be gentle, I was going to slam into her with authority and let her know just what she was getting.

“Make me come,” Rose panted. Her fingernails began to dig into my shoulder and her pale skin started to flush with color.

Just as she was about to reach her climax I suddenly stopped. She wasn’t going to come, not yet at least. She was going to come when I was ready for her to and not a second sooner.

“Hands and knees,” I ordered, pulling out of her.

She looked at me as if I was high, as if there was no way she was going to take orders from me. The look on my face must have convinced her though, because got up and repositioned herself with her upper body pressed against the armrest and her ass sticking up in the air invitingly.

I got on my knees on the couch behind her and grabbed her hips with one of my hands. Lining my cock up with her pussy with the other I surged forward and filled her cunt in one thrust. I immediately began withdrawing and pulled her back to meet me as I thrust into her.

“Come on, I thought you wanted to fuck me,” Rose taunted me as I fucked her from behind.

I knew she was just trying to bait me into fucking her faster so she could get the orgasm I’d just robbed her of, so I actually slowed down. When she grunted in frustration I grinned to myself and gave her a couple quick thrusts to make her think I was giving in before slowing again.

“Fuck me goddammit,” Rose screamed.

She reached back with one hand and grabbed the back of my thigh and tried to pull me into her harder. When that didn’t work she moved it back to the armrest and tried pushing back at me trying to coax me into going faster.

Shrugging my shoulders I decided that maybe it was time to give her what she wanted. Gripping her hips tightly I began to speed up. The sound of flesh slapping flesh echoed through the room as my tempo increased.

“Yes,” Rose moaned, using her vaginal muscles to milk my cock as I repeatedly drove into her.

As she neared her climax she leaned her weight against the armrest and moved the hand that had been supporting her to her pussy. Her fingers brushed against my cock as she began to furious frig her clit. I thought about making her wait some more but my own orgasm was beginning to build and I didn’t feel like forcing myself to hold out just to spite her.

“Fuck,” I yelped as Rose’s fingernails dug into my thigh. In response to her clawing I gave her ass a sharp smack.

“Uhh, yeah,” Rose grunted as a red hand shaped mark started to appear on her ass.

As her orgasm began to take her, I gave her a couple extra thrusts. I gritted my teeth in hopes of riding out the storm, but it no use. When her cunt clamped down around my cock I felt myself push past the point of no return.

Pulling out of her, I grabbed her hips and pulled her backward so she was sitting on her legs on the couch. I pressed my cock against her lips and she opened up just as the first spurt erupted from the end of my dick. Her orgasm was still sending small shudders through her body and her fingers continued to work her clit while I fucked her mouth.

“Shit,” I gasped as I pulled out of her mouth and fell onto the couch next to her.

“Got a kiss for the wife?” Rose remarked, folding the edges of her tongue up to make a little bowl for my jizz before opening her mouth wide to show me.

“Swallow and then we’ll talk,” I told her.

“Get me a towel,” Rose demanded once she’d swallowed my load.

“Use your robe,” I said, picking her robe up off the floor and handing it to her.

She took the robe and wiped herself down while she headed for the bathroom. While she was in there cleaning herself up I picked up the license off the table. I shrugged my shoulders before tearing it in half.

“You want to keep half?” I asked Rose when she emerged from the bathroom still naked.

“No thanks, but I am taking one of your shirts,” Rose announced as she dug through my bag. “Consider it a divorce settlement.”

“Don’t take one of the rock t-shirts. We weren’t married long enough for you to get one of them,” I told her.

“I’d tell you to go fuck yourself but they’re not long enough anyway,” Rose said. She pulled out a black button down shirt that was rather long on me and could’ve been considered a dress on her. “This one okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” I told her.

She slipped the shirt on and it came down to mid-thigh on her, almost to the knees. Once she was covered she picked up her costume and made one final sweep to make sure nothing of hers was left.

“I’m taking these too,” Rose said as she grabbed the basket of muffins.

“You want anything else while you’re at it?” I asked her.

“Not right now, but if I think of anything I’ll call you,” Rose replied as she headed for the door.

“Have your people call my people and we’ll hammer something out,” I jokingly told her.

“Your people? Who exactly are your people?” Rose asked, her hand on the doorknob.

“Hey, I have people. Let’s see there’s Matt and Sarah, and that’s about it but they count,” I responded.

“Whatever,” Rose snorted as she opened the door.

When she was gone I got up off the couch and headed for the bathroom. I’d already taken a shower but after the spirited fuck I was feeling sweaty and sticky. On the way there I grabbed some clothes to change into since both robes were pretty much done for.

+ * + * +

“Hit me,” I told the blackjack dealer. I had a thirteen and cursed when a nine came up.

“Need some luck?” Elisha asked me as she sat down in the empty chair next to me. She was wearing an old Motley Crue shirt with fade blue jeans in a combo that I always found attractive, especially on an already hot woman.

“Definitely, but the way I’m going I’ll bring you down too,” I told her.

We continued to play for a while. My luck did improve with her sitting there, but not enough to really make a difference. Instead of running out of chips in an hour it took me two. Elisha on the other hand kept getting all the cards and was up by a good margin by the time that I was ready to go.

“I’m going back to my room,” I muttered.

“You can’t leave now,” Elisha protested. “I’m on a roll and you don’t change something when you’re on a streak.”

“I got nothing to bet,” I told her.

“Then just sit there,” Elisha said. “I’ll make it worth your time.”

That statement intrigued me enough to make me stay put. She probably just meant she’d give me a chip or two in payment, but there had been a certain lilt to her voice that made me think she had something else in mind.

I sat there watching her win for a little while longer until her luck turned. When she started losing I told her to cash out and take her money but she didn’t pay any attention to me. Not long after I said that though she’d lost what she’d won and was beginning to chip into what she’d brought to the table in the first place.

“You should’ve listened to me,” I told her when she’d lost her last chip. She reached into her purse to pull out more bills but I grabbed her hand. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Why not?” Elisha demanded.

“Because it’s time to give up and walk away. If you don’t stop you’ll regret it in the morning,” I replied. “Trust me on this one. I know a little something about gambling addiction.”

“Why, are you one?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “If I was, I wouldn’t be caught dead in here. My uncle is though and he didn’t even stop when he lost his house. It took having to hide from a bookie after he bet five grand he didn’t have on the Bears. If you ask me, anyone stupid enough to bet on the Bears deserves to have bones broken, but you get the point.”

“So you think I’m going to end up like him, huh?” Elisha challenged me.

“No, but if you don’t stop you’re going to lose more money than you’d like,” I retorted.

“I’m a big girl, I can handle it,” Elisha said.

“Come on,” I said, dragging her away from the table.

“Let me go,” Elisha hissed.

“You can come back later when you’ve cooled down. Right now you’ve got the fever and no one should gamble when they have the fever,” I told her. “You may not want to admit it right now, but you’ll thank me in the morning.”

After some more wrangling I finally got her off the casino floor. Once she was off the floor she stopped fighting and instead crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She walked ahead of me toward the elevators and got on the first one that opened up.

“You do know it’s not going to work not talking to me, don’t you?” I asked her as we rode up in silence. “I make a living talking about absolutely nothing, so I’m more than qualified to keep up both ends of the conversation.”

“Go ahead,” Elisha said.

“Fine, but I’m not leaving you alone until I know you’re going to straight back to the casino and lose your life savings,” I told her.

“Is that story about your uncle really true?” Elisha asked me when we reached her floor.

“Some of it. He didn’t bet on the Bears, but he did have a problem,” I replied as we got out of the elevator.

“And you think I have a problem?” she asked.

“Yes and no,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “You have one right now because you won’t stop, but you’re not addicted. You just need to learn to leave when your chips are gone. That way you won’t lose any more than you can afford to and I won’t need to pull you out of there kicking and screaming.”

“Thanks, I guess,” Elisha said as she unlocked her door. “It almost makes me feel bad for what I did to you?”

“What did you do to me?” I inquired as I walked through the door behind her.

“How’s married life treating you?” Elisha asked.

“Not bad, but what does that have to do with anything?” I asked her before realization dawned on me. According to Alyssa’s story Elisha had left by the time Rose and I found ourselves in the chapel. And since I hadn’t told her anything about it, how would she possibly know about it?

“You’re not the only that can pull a prank,” Elisha said once she’d seen that I understood.

“You suck,” I told her, chuckling as I looked at the ceiling. “That was a really good one though.”

“Thanks,” Elisha said. “I thought of it when you and Rose started your drinking contest. It wasn’t hard to get Alyssa in on it either.”

“I really don’t know whether to be upset or laugh my ass off over it,” I admitted. I plopped myself down on the edge of the bed and shook my head in disbelief over how bad she got me.

“You’ve gotten me enough, so you can’t be mad,” Elisha pointed out. She sat down next to me and made a point of smirking at me.

“Damn, and I was really looking forward to telling my mom that I got married without her,” I said, laying back and covering my face with hands.

“You still have the license, don’t you?” Elisha asked, leaning back on her elbows.

“We should get married,” I suggested, surprising the hell out of her.

“You’re crazy,” Elisha said after taking a moment to recover from the shock.

“Yeah, but you’re never bored around crazy people,” I retorted.

“No, I mean you’re crazy to even joke about it,” Elisha said.

“Who said I was joking? There’s a chapel next door. We could be in and out in no time,” I said.

“We headed down this road before,” Elisha pointed out. “Remember how that ended?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” I said, remembering how I’d hurt her.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Elisha said. “What hurt most was when you left and I even understand why you did it.”

“I’m still sorry,” I said, sitting up and looking her in the eye. “I probably should’ve said it months ago too.”

“So, that was a pretty good joke I played on you,” Elisha commented, changing the subject.

“Yeah it was,” I agreed, though the mood had changed so quickly that it was like all the air had been sucked out of the room instantaneously.

A silence followed, as neither of us quite knew what to say next. I looked down at her as she stared at the ceiling. She just looked so cute that I couldn’t help myself. I leaned down onto one elbow and softly kissed her.

“We can’t,” Elisha said when the kiss broke.

“Sure we can,” I told her before kissing her again.

“Stop,” Elisha quietly said as I began kissing the cleft of her chin.

“I’m ready for you this time,” I told her as I rested my hand on her stomach. “I won’t fuck up this time.”

“I don’t know,” Elisha said, looking completely torn between the words I was speaking and her memories of what getting close to me was like.

“Want to know everything?” I asked her as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. “Pick a number out of here and start dialing. If you want, you can even delete them because I won’t need them if you say yes.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Elisha said, once more completely shocked at something I’d said.

“It’s time for me to find someone to settle down with,” I admitted. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now but your stunt really hammered it home.”

“Seriously?” Elisha asked, searching my face for some indication of whether I was just yanking her chain to get even for her prank or not.

“If I’m lying, may an earthquake strike and destroy my Liz Phair albums,” I told her.

“I-,” Elisha said, completely speechless. She knew that I’d never swear on Liz if I wasn’t being completely above board.

“We can take it slow and see what happens,” I suggested. “I’ll take you to dinner and a movie when we get back to LA and then I’ll walk you back to the door at the end of the evening and leave with maybe just a goodnight kiss. We can do the whole corny ball of wax. What do you say?”

“That sounds good,” Elisha said, reaching over and grabbing the back of my neck. She pulled me toward her and kissed me.

Moving just my fingers I began bunching up her shirt until the hem reached my fingers. I slid my hand under her shirt and traced circles around her bellybutton as she slipped her tongue into my mouth. My tongue caressed the underside of hers as it explored my mouth.

Taking my hand off her stomach I pulled her on top of me. Putting a palm on each of her cheeks I wrapped my fingers around until they were on the back of her head and kissed her jaw. With my thumb and index fingers I began massaging her ears.

As her face started to flush with color I moved my hands down over her shoulders and onto her back. I slipped my hands under her shirt and let my fingertips lightly trace random patterns on her back.

When Elisha started to move down my body I wrapped my hands around her and held her still. Rolling her over onto her back I grabbed her shirt and slowly slid it up her body. She raised herself up and I put one hand on her back to help support her while the other one pulled the shirt up and off her.

Before letting her lay back down I unhooked her bra. I grabbed the front of her bra between the cups and pulled on it while I eased her back down. When it came free I carefully folded it up and dropped it onto the floor.

Instead of going straight for her chest my hands stroked up and down her sides. My thumbs brushed against the sides of her breasts as they passed but my plan was to let the passion slowly build. Rather than go straight for the erogenous zones I was going to hit everything else until we were both ready to pop.

Lowering my head I kissed the valley between her breasts and kissed a trail down her stomach. When I reached her pants I popped the button and pulled the zipper down. Grabbing the waist of her jeans I tugged them down her legs to reveal a pair of green panties.

When her pants were around her ankles I knelt next to the bed and took off her sandals so I could finish taking off her pants. Dropping them to the floor I picked up her left leg. With my left hand I used my thumb to rub the bottom of her foot while my right hand stroked her calf.

Stopping my foot massage I kissed my way up her leg. My hands lovingly caressed the bottom of her leg while kissed the top. Once my hands reached the spot where her thigh and butt joined I moved back down and repeated the process with her other leg.

While I worked over her legs Elisha squirmed on the bed. I was ratcheting up her passion but I was avoiding the obvious places and it was driving it her crazy. When I peeled her panties down to reveal that familiar wedge of light brown pubic hair and avoided any contact with her pussy she let out a strangled whine of exasperation.

As I dropped her panties on the floor I saw her hands creeping toward her breasts. Before they got there I grabbed her wrists and stopped them. Holding onto them I moved my face within an inch of her pussy. I watched her face as my breath blew across her pussy and saw her face contort with frustration.

“Please,” Elisha pleaded, her voice trembling with anticipation.

Letting her hands go I let my thumb glide over her moist pussy lips. When it reached the top of her slit I used my thumb and index finger to part her labia. Finding her clit peeking out from under its shroud I gave it a couple flicks with my tongue until it popped free.

“Uhh,” Elisha moaned, a tremor running through her body as she finally got what she wanted.

When I sucked her clit into my mouth her hips bucked but I managed to hang on and gave it extra suction for her trouble. I pressed my index finger against her hole and slipped it in up to the first knuckle. I slowly worked more of my finger into her while I flicked her clit with my tongue inside my mouth.

“Baby,” Elisha panted as her orgasm approached.

I wasn’t surprised that her climax was arriving so soon. After all, I’d already brought her to roiling boil before I even got her panties off. She’d been so amped up a light breeze would’ve set her off if it had hit her just right.

I thought about stopping what I was doing before she could come, but decided that I’d already teased her enough. Adding a second finger to her pussy I sucked on her clit as hard as I could and was rewarded with a cry of bliss as sweet release washed over Elisha. As she writhed on the bed in pleasure I decreased the suction I was applying but kept a little on just to draw it out as much as possible.

“Oh God,” Elisha moaned when she came down.

Pulling myself off her I sat back on my heels and just looked at her. Her eyes were half closed as she tried to shake off the after effects of her orgasm and her skin virtually glowed. When she saw me staring at her she smiled and sat up.

She seized my arms and pulled me onto the bed with her. As I flattened my hands against bed she grabbed my shirt and pulled it up my back. Once she had my shirt off she pushed me over onto my back and moved down to start taking off my pants. When she had me completely naked she started to kneel but I sat up and hooked her under her arms and dragged her with me as I lay back on the bed.

“Right now is all about you and your pleasure,” I said, answering the questioning look on her face. “You can give me two blowjobs tomorrow though if you want.”

“We’re supposed to be taking it slow, remember?” Elisha asked as she put her hands on the bed and pushed herself up, trapping my cock between our bodies. Her hair hung down and she threw her head back to clear it away from her face.

“We can take it slow when we can get back to LA,” I told her. “You know what they say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Any fun we have now is forgiven once we leave the city limits.”

“I like the sound of that,” Elisha said, smirking at me as she moved her hips and slid her pussy along my cock.

“Come here,” I said, grabbing her hands out from under her and bringing her back down on top of me. As her nipples dug into my chest I lifted my head and kissed her softly. “By the way, you still owe me.”

“For what?” Elisha asked me.

“You said you’d make it worth my time if I stuck around,” I replied.

“Oh, in that case,” Elisha said as she sat up on top of me. “I wouldn’t want to be accused of not keeping promises.”

She put her hands on my chest and lifted herself up. I reached between us and grabbed my cock. When it was lined up with her opening she slowly lowered herself down onto me. I looked directly into her eyes and watched with rapt attention as she bit her lower lip to stifle the moan of contentment at being filled.

As she raised herself back up she put more of her weight on her hands. Her head hung forward and her hair fell across her face as she began to rock herself up and down on my cock. Just as I had done during the foreplay she kept the pace slow, allowing both of us to bask in the beauty of the act.

Elisha slid her pussy up and down along the bottom third of my cock. The rest remained enclosed in her velvety tunnel. She finished every thrust with a twist of her hips that caused my cock to touch a different part of her each time.

“That’s it babe,” I told her, grabbing her ass.

She began to pick up the pace slightly as I used my hands to lengthen her strokes. Soon she was gliding along half my cock. She moved her hands to the bed, bringing her breasts closer to my face. I tried to lift my head and snag one of her nipples with my lips but they were just out of reach.

Taking my hands off her ass, I grabbed hold of hers. I interlaced my fingers with hers and let her hold them against the bed above my head. This brought her nipples right to my face and I wasted no time in wrapping my lips around one of them. Her rocking quickly popped it free so I instead started trying to flick her nipples with my tongue as they came into range.

“Mmm,” Elisha murmured, arching her back and pushing her chest towards me.

When my neck was tired from chasing her nipples around I pulled our hands further away from my head and brought her all the way down. Her chest pressed against mine as she flattened out against me. I lifted my hips and began thrusting up into her. She pushed against my hands and her body slid against mine to meet my thrusts.

Keeping our fingers mingled I moved our hands to her side. Pressing against her I rolled her over until I was lying on top of her. I quickly moved our hands to just above her shoulders so I could straighten my arms and lift some of my weight off her.

“Uhh,” Elisha moaned, biting her lip as I began to drive my dick into her.

I started slowly and lowered my head to softly kiss her cheeks until I felt her body responding underneath me. As her return thrusts became more insistent I picked up speed. Her legs hooked around my waist and she arched her back in an effort to get more of me into her with each push.

Letting go of her hands I planted my hands against the bed next to her shoulders. I brought my knees up almost all the way to her ass and began the home stretch. Her hands went to my back and pulled me into her with more urgency.

“Come for me,” I hissed at her as I felt her start to reach her peak.

“Ahh,” Elisha moaned as she was launched over the precipice.

After a couple more thrusts I was right there with her. I dropped down my elbows and cradled her head with my hands as I buried myself into her one last time. As I emptied into her I kissed her and luxuriated in the way her body shuddered beneath me.

I took a couple moments to withdraw from her. I didn’t want it to end quite yet so I let myself deflate inside her as I kissed her and bit her lower lip. Her hands moved to my shoulders and she grinned up at me with her hair tousled and in her eyes.

“What’d you do?” Elisha asked as her fingers ran over the scratches Rose had left on my shoulders. She rolled me off of her and took a closer look. “Idiot.”

“What?” I asked, turning to look at her as moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I fell for it again,” she quietly cursed as she picked up her pants. Standing up she pulled them the rest of the way on. “I knew it, but did I listen to myself? Nooo.”

“I meant everything,” I told her as she bent over to pick up her shirt.

“Yeah, I can see that from the scratches Rose gave you,” Elisha screeched at me as she turned her back on me. Her hands went to her face for a second before pulling her shirt on. “If you thought I was nothing more than a fuck buddy, you should’ve just come out and told me. I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would’ve at least respected your honesty.”

“It’s not like that.” I started to protest but stopped and gave it up when she reached the door without even acknowledging me.

She opened the door and paused for a moment to glare at me. There were tears in her eyes and the look cut me right to the bone. Turning away from me she walked through the door and slammed it behind her.

“Fuck,” I grunted, throwing myself back on the bed. I ran my hands through my hair and tried desperately to shove my shattered heart back into my chest.

Even though Elisha and I had technically been just friends when I’d fucked Rose, I could see her point. I’d hurt her enough in the past that her reaction made sense. She thought I’d used her and got out before I could cause her any more grief than I already had. Problem was that I hadn’t been using her and the look of anguish on her face was already beginning to haunt me.

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