Adventures In Radio #2

Not to be read by anyone under 18, unless your a hot chick. In which case my

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6669 NE 89th St.

Seattle, WA (not really, but you can still drop by and see who lives there if you want)

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Adventures in Radio #2 – Ashley Scott

Whistling, I walked into the studio. I kept replaying last Friday’s events in my

head. I still couldn’t get myself to believe that I somehow wound up spending the night

with Elisha Cuthbert.

“Good morning everyone, this is Richie
Tozier here with you on a Thursday on

KPLA 107.3 FM. On today’s show, I’ve got information on this year’s New Year’s Eve

concert. Plus your chance to see the new Eminem movie, 8 Mile and today’s Top 5. Right

now is Pink’s new song, it’s called Family Portrait,” I said as the song started playing.

While the song was playing, Kenny, the station manager, knocked on the glass.

Getting up, I took off my headphones and went to the door.

“I’m just letting you know that we’re trying to get Ashley Scott from Birds of Prey

in for an interview today. Her people have heard you talking about the show the last few

weeks and thought it might be a good chance to get her and the show some extra publicity.”

Great, let me know if they come through,” I said enthusiastically.

“So, are you going to give me any information on where you and Elisha disappeared

to last Friday? One minute you two are holed up at a corner table lost in conversation,

the next you were both gone. Her car was still there when I left, so that means you both

left together in your car,” Kenny said in an accusatory tone.

“She wanted to go, but she’d had a few beers so I drove her home. Would you rather

have me let her drive home drunk?” I asked defensively.

“I was hoping maybe you got to nail her and I could live vicariously through you,”

Kenny said disappointed.

“I tell you what, I’ll hook you up with my ex if you want. You’re probably the only

guy within 100 miles who hasn’t had her yet. That way you can break your slump and nail a

hot chick all at once,” I offered.

“That tall leggy blonde you always had with you?” Kenny asked. When I nodded in

agreement, he continued “she was hot. You sure you wouldn’t mind?”

“When Craig fucked her, I minded. But if a woman’s willing to sleep with Craig, then

she’s not worth getting mad over,” I said as I wrote down her number.

“She slept with Craig?” He asked, not quite believing. “If a short, fat, bald, slime

ball like Craig can get into her pants, then a nice guy like me should have no problem.

Thanks, but if you don’t want me to call her, I won’t.”

“Go for it, just don’t tell her I told you to or she’ll think I’m pimping her out. If

she thinks that, she’ll just shut you down and take it out on me,” I said as I went back into

the booth.

“Since today’s Thursday, it’s time for this week’s Birds of Prey discussion,” I said

when Ashley arrived for her interview. “As you all know, at first I thought it was OK but

nothing special. I thought it was Warner Bros. trying to take Batman in more of an X-Men

direction, but it’s really won me over. Ashley Scott is really filling that dark haired, exotic

looking, butt kicking chick void that Jessica Alba and Dark Angel left when it was canceled.

As a special surprise, here to read today’s top 5 list is Huntress herself, Ashley Scott.

Welcome to the show Ashley,” I said, standing up to shake her hand.

“Thank you. I’ve heard you saying good things about our show, so I thought I’d

come in and tell you that we appreciate it.”

“I love the show, and as any of my listeners know, when I love something I make

sure everyone knows about it. But Birds of Prey is really only the second show, after 24,

where I’ve just gone on and on about it. I’m not going to sit here and sing the praises of

The West Wing or Will & Grace, mainly because I haven’t been able to sit down and watch

those shows enough. I’m sure they’re great shows, the Emmy’s love them, and they do great

in the ratings. I’m just not going to pimp a show that I don’t watch.”

“It’s great to hear that you’d rather watch our show than The West Wing, seeing as

how it’s our direct competition in the Wednesday at 9 time slot.”

“I’m all about the WB these days. I started out watching Buffy and Dawson’s Creek,

then Roswell. Now I’m watching Everwood, Gilmore Girls, Birds of Prey, and taping Smallville.

The WB takes half my week, and that’s not even counting Charmed and Angel that I catch on

Sunday when I remember they’re on. For today’s top 5 list, I was torn between ‘Top 5 Women

of the WB Network’ and ‘Top 5 Butt Kicking Chicks in TV History.’ Since you’re here, I guess

I’ll let you choose which one gets used today and which one gets put back in the drawer and

used another day.”

Thinking a moment, she asked “how about the butt kicking chicks one? That one sounds

interesting. Besides, your number one WB woman is probably Alyssa Milano.”

“Actually, no,” I said, looking at the list. “She’s on it, but she didn’t make number


“Really? I thought she was the universal sex object.”

“Oh, she is, just not my number one sex object,” I said with a grin. “I’ve always

been more of a Katie Holmes/Alexis Bledel guy. I tend to prefer the women with that look

of innocence that I could corrupt to them. An example a friend of mine used to use was

Tiffani Amber Thiessen. She used to say that most men preferred the 90210 sexpot to the

Saved by the Bell girl next door. But I always has more of a soft spot for her on Saved by

the Bell. I know I’m a freak, no need to persecute me for it.”

“I’m not going to persecute you. I think it’s refreshing that someone out there

wants more than a sex toy.”

“Actually, I was telling the listeners not to call in and persecute me. But I’m glad

that you don’t think any less of me for it. We’ll listen to Kelly Clarkson, and then come

back with today’s top 5 list,” I said as the song started.

“We’re back with today’s top 5 list, as read by Ashley Scott,” I said when we were


Picking up the piece of paper with the list on it, she read “honorable mention goes

to Lucy Lawless, Eliza Dushku, and the original Charlie’s Angels.”

“Eliza only gets honorable mention because she wasn’t on Buffy long enough for

me to justify knocking one of the others out of the top 5. Besides, she was really only

there to give Buffy a nemesis that was on equal footing with her. And Charlie’s Angels are

only honorable mention for two reasons. One: they were more about girls with guns than

actual ass kicking. Two: you can’t separate them without weakening the whole. Together

they made a formidable team, but alone they weren’t nearly as tough.”

“Makes sense, but I would’ve thought Xena would make the list,” she said.

“To tell the truth, I was never really able to get past the latent lesbian tendencies in

the Xena/Gabrielle union. You’ve got the obvious butch, controlling one and the blatant

lipstick lesbian joined at the hip. Of course it could be said of Hercules too, with Hercules

being the man and Iaulos being the flamboyant woman of the pair. Difference is that the

producers of the show tried to make Hercules look straight. They seemed to even

encourage the lesbian theories in Xena as the show went on and they realized more men

were watching for the lesbian dynamic.”

With a laugh, she said “men love lesbians all right.”

“It’s the whole ‘we can’t have them’ thing,along with the fact that we love women,

so if one woman is good then two must be better.”

“Women love men, but not many want to see two men go at it,” she pointed out.

“Women are on a totally different playing field. Plus there’s something beautiful

about a woman’s body that doesn’t exist in a man’s body. Men are too hairy and

mechanical to be truly beautiful for the most part.”

“OK, number 5 is Kelly Hu from Martial Law.”

“She would’ve been higher but she played third fiddle to Sammo Hung and Arsenio

Hall. I just can’t bring myself to put a third stringer any higher than number 5. I’m even

having trouble justifying her that high.”

Going back to the list, she read “number 4 is Ashley Scott from Birds of Prey.

Wow, I made number 4? Why wasn’t I higher?” She joked.

“The top three had more seniority than you. If the show had been in it’s second or

third season I could’ve moved you up to number 2, but it’s still only a couple episodes into

season one,” I explained.

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” she said with mock disappointment. “Number 3 is

Jennifer Garner from Alias.”

“She’d be the poster girl for this category if the show had come out a few years

earlier, but the two in front of her beat her to the punch.”

“Let’s see, number 2 is Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She’s

not number 1?” Ashley asked.

“She’s this high because she paved the way for the whole young woman kicking

ass and taking names thing. Without Buffy, you don’t get Alias or Birds of Prey. Without

Buffy, my number 1 very well might not have gotten her shot.”

“That brings us to number 1, which is Jessica Alba from Dark Angel. OK, now I

see why Buffy wasn’t number 1.”

“I told you at the start that you’re filling the void left by Dark Angel’s cancellation.

I love that dark haired, exotic looking beauty that both you and Jessica Alba have. My

goal is to some day have Jessica Alba sit in that chair. Of course I’d have to retire the chair

after that though.”

“What? You’re not going to retire the chair for me?”

“They make me pay for the chairs I take, and I already took my chair for the

month. I had Elisha Cuthbert in, so I had to retire that chair and I don’t make enough to be

stealing chairs every few days,” I explained.

“Sure, play the poor DJ act,” she teased.

“It’s not an act, I make enough to pay for my porn. That’s about it,” I said as my

producer Matt started giving me the time’s up signal. “Well, looks like we’re all out of

time. Thanks for coming in.”

“You’re welcome. I still think you should retire my chair though.”

“Come back and see us again soon OK?”

“Sure thing hun,” she said as she got up.

“Everyone out there, be sure to watch Birds of Prey. It’s on Wednesdays at 9 on

the WB network,” I said as Ashley gave me a hug before leaving.

“She’s hot, don’t you think Matt?”

“Oh yeah. If you don’t want the chair, then I’ll be happy to take it,” Matt said from

behind the glass.

“I’m taking it. I’ll let you have the chair from when Christina Aguilera was here that

you’ve been wanting,” I offered.

“You want me to pay for Ashley’s chair, then trade it for the Christina chair?”

Something like that. Remember, it’s the one that she was sitting in when she told

us about her pierced cookie,” I reminded him.

“Dude, that’s right. I had forgotten about that,” Matt said, drooling.

“For those of you that missed it, a couple months ago Christina Aguilera was in

here. After some pressing, we got her to reveal that she’s pierced below the belt. I tried to

get her to show us, but she declined. Too bad, that would’ve made for some great radio.

On that note, we’re going to play Christina’s new song, Beautiful. Then, after the break,

we’ll be back with the info of who’ll be playing our annual New Year’s Eve concert. You

don’t want to miss it, because let me tell you it’s going to be great,” I said as Christina’s

song started to play.

“Who’s going to be playing this year?” Matt asked when we were off the air.

“If no one’s told you by now, then I guess you’ll just have to wait. Let’s just say it’ll

be the best yet,” I answered.

“You’ve got a phone call,” Matt told me.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“I guess you’ll just have to find out,” he answered sarcastically.

“Being as asshole about it isn’t going to get you the info any quicker,” I pointed

out to him. Reaching over, I picked up the phone. “Hello,” I said into it.

“I heard your deal,” came the answer.

“Ashley?” I inquired.

“Give the man a cigar. I just called to say that heard about you giving up your

Christina Aguilera chair for mine. I gotta say, you’re getting the shaft in the deal. A

pierced clit revelation always trumps a little hug.”

“What Matt doesn’t know is that I’ll actually be giving him the chair Rosie

O’Donnell sat in. It’s sitting in the back room, so I take it home and pull the old

switch-a-roo. Next thing I know, I got your’s and Christina’s both. I just need to figure out

which one goes on the right side of the Elisha chair, and which goes next to the chair

Eminem puked in.”

“Put me next to Elisha. I don’t want to be next to the chair that’s been puked on,”

Ashley commented.

“I don’t know. It’s like you said ‘a pierced clit revelation always trumps a little hug.’

Besides, I doubt Christina would want to be next to the puke chair either.”

“OK, either put me next to Elisha or I’ll kick your ass,” she joked.

“That settles it, you’re going next to the puke chair. Can you tell that I want you to

kick my ass?” I said with a grin.

“Let me try a different tactic. Put me next to Elisha and I’ll get you on the set.”

“Damn, you play hard ball don’t you? Introduce me to your co-stars and you got a

deal,” I offered. “And by co-stars, I mean Dina Meyer and Rachel Skarsten.”

“Deal, I’ll introduce you to Dina and Rachel.”

“Great, I need to go now. It’s time to divulge vital concert information, then I get

to go home. When do I get to go on the set?”

Thinking a minute, she finally asked “how about tomorrow? We’re shooting at

night, so can come on, meet everyone, hang out, and watch a little if you want.”

“Sounds goo, see you tomorrow night then,” I said.

“See you then, bye,” Ashley said as the line went dead.

I hung up the phone just as the last commercial ended. “Welcome back,” I said into

the microphone. “It’s time to reveal the current lineup for out annual New Year’s Eve

concert. To help us ring in the New Year, we’ll have Michelle Branch, Avril Lavigne,

Santana, Pink, and more to be announced soon. I came in this morning and was handed

this list. Needless to say, I thought Kenny was pulling my leg. I thought we might be able

to get one or two of them, but we got four of the hottest names in music. Tickets go on

sale this Saturday, be sure to get your’s before their gone. I can’t imagine them lasting very

long, can you Matt?”

“I can’t either. I’m still not sure you’re being honest about all of them being there,”

Matt said. “Michelle Branch, Avril, Santana, and Pink? Come on, what’s the real lineup?”

“I kid you not. That’s what’s written here, and Kenny assured me that it’s accurate.

Since he’s the one who puts it all together, if he says is real, then I believe him.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. Next you’ll be telling me that Vanessa Carlton and

Creed will be there too, right?”

“The way Kenny’s getting after it, they just might be there. Of course Creed would

sign on and then cancel at the last minute because Scott Stapp got a hang nail or

something,” I said, making an allusion to the fact that Creed can’t seem to keep a date

without canceling.

“Hey, I like Creed, I’m sure Scott had good reasons for canceling those concerts.”

“He said it was laryngitis or something like that, but they’re canceling half their

concerts because of it. Who gets laryngitis that much?” I asked. “Before I start getting

inundated with hate e-mail, I think it’s time to change the subject. Today’s final request

comes from Allen, who says he wants to hear Eminem. So here’s his new one, it’s called

Lose Yourself. Stick around, Al Lewis is coming up next with more of your favorite


“Great show,” Matt commented as I took my headphones off.

Walking out of the studio, Kenny stopped me and said,” I called Jennifer and set a

date for tomorrow night. You sure you’re OK with it?”

“Yeah Kenny, I told you I’m fine with it. What’s you tell her?”

“I fed her some line about calling her behind your back. I figured if things between

you two are as you say, then she might want someone to make you jealous. So I set it up

to look like you didn’t want me to call and she bit,” Kenny explained.

“Good job, but now this means I’ll probably spend the weekend getting calls from

her detailing what she did to you. On the plus side, I’d be hearing them anyway and this

way I don’t have to hear them from you,” I joked, poking him in the chest. “She may be a

ho, but she’s a hot ho. Given the choice, I’d rather get sexual descriptions from a hot chick

than from my boss.”

“Maybe I’ll make you sit through them anyway,” he joked as I turned and left.

The next day after work, I dropped by my sister’s house. Walking up to door, I

noticed that she’d already started decorating for Christmas.

“Hi Uncle Richie,” my nephew Mark greeted me as he saw me walking up the

driveway. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to have you call your mom and see if I could take you somewhere.”

“Where are we going?” He asked, excited.

“Depends on what your mom says. If she says no, then you’re not going anywhere.

If she says yes, then we’re going to watch a TV show.”

With a puzzled look on his face, he asked “why can’t we watch it here?”

“Because we’d be watching it get made in person. I got invited to the set of Birds

of Prey, and since I know you like the show I thought I’d take you along.”

“Really? Would I get to meet everyone?”

“I don’t know about meeting everyone, but Ashley said that Rachel Skarsten and

Dina Meyer would be there for us to meet.”

“Ashley? Is she the one who plays Helena?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, she invited me down to the set. She said I’d get to meet some of the cast

and hang out to watch some of the filming if I wanted to.”

“Cool, I’ll go call her now,” he said as he went into the other room to make the

call. “Richie, she wants to talk to you,” he hollered.

Be right there,” I said as I turned off the TV in the living room.

“She said she just wants to hear it from you,” he informed me as I walked into the


“OK, give me the phone,” I said as I took the phone from him. “Hello Ann,” I said

into the phone.

“I’m just making sure he’s giving me all the details. Mark said that you were taking

to see a TV show taping?”

“Yeah, the woman I interviewed yesterday invited me down to the set today. Since

it’d Friday and it’s his favorite show, I thought I’d take him down there with me. I’ll watch

him and make sure he doesn’t get in trouble. I don’t know when we’d be back, so I guess

he could sleep over at my house if you don’t mind.”

“If he gets in trouble, I’m holding you personally responsible,” she informed me.

“Other than that, I guess it’s OK with me. Better have him take his homework so he can

do it in the morning. Put him back on so I can deliver the verdict.”

“No problem,” I said as I handed the phone back to Mark.

“Really mom? Thanks, you’re the best,” I heard him say into the phone. “I’ll be

good, I promise. See you in the morning. Love you too mom, buh bye.”

“Grab your homework and some clothes and let’s go,” I said when he hung up the


“OK, give me five minutes,” he said as he raced off to get his stuff together.

Ten minutes later, we were in the car and on our way to the Warner Bros. lot.

When we pulled up to the gate, I told the guard who I was. After checking my ID, he let

us go on in and gave us directions to the set.

“I can’t believe I’m going to meet Huntress,” Mark said, showing his excitement.

“Her name is Ashley Scott,” I told him as we got to the set. “Be cool. You can be

a fan, but don’t go all nuts on me and start screaming like a teenage girl at an NSYNC

concert OK?”

“I should have brought something for them to sign,” he lamented. “I don’t even

have a pen and paper.”

“I’m sure they’ll have something there. If not, then you can always run back to the

car and grab some paper and a pen out of your bag. What you should really be wishing we

brought is a camera. An autograph will convince most of your friends, but a picture is hard

to refute.”

“Dammit, now I wish we had brought a camera. However, that doesn’t change the

fact that I’m going to be the envy of my friends when I tell them where my uncle took me.”

“You mean you weren’t already the envy of your friends after you came to work

with me and got to meet Jennifer Garner?”

“I was for a while, but then Jimmy Dugan met Kelly Osbourne. So Jimmy’s

currently the envy of the group,” he explained to me.

Seeing Ashley, I waved to her. “Here she comes,” I told him as Ashley started in



“Hi Richie,” she said as she hugged me. “Who’s this cute guy you brought with


“This is my nephew Mark,” I said as Mark blushed as her calling him cute.

“Hi Mark, it’s nice to meet you,” she said as she extended her hand.

“Hi Huntress, uh, I mean Ms. Scott,” he stammered as he shook her hand.

“Call me Ashley. I’ve already got enough people calling me Ms. Scott.”

“OK, nice to meet you Ashley.”

“Good, now was that so hard?” She asked.

“No, I guess not,” he said, looking at his feet.

“He’s so shy,” she commented. “Rachel and Dina are shooting a scene at the

moment, so I guess I’ll give you a tour while we wait.”

The three of us wandered around the set, with her showing us the sets that weren’t

currently in use.

“And finally, these are our trailers,” she said as we came up to a long line of

trailers. “This is where we come to wind down when we’re not needed in a scene. Mine’s

pretty cool, want to see?”

“Sure, I’d love to,” I said as she opened the door to one of the trailers.

Stepping inside, she said “this is the sitting area. The couches are really

comfortable, and the TV is over there. I’ve got a Playstation 2, but I don’t use it much.

When I come in here, it’s usually to either sleep in the bedroom in the back or to watch a

DVD. Want something to drink?” She asked, opening the fridge.

“Nothing for me, thanks,” I said.

“Can I have a Pepsi?” Mark asked sheepishly.

“Of course you can honey,” she said as she grabbed a Pepsi out of the fridge.

Looking at

me, she said “tell his mother that he’s very well mannered. How old is he anyway?”

“Thirteen, and yes he is very well mannered. When I was thirteen, it was all ‘do

this, do that, do it now.’ But he actually asks for things. I don’t know where he gets it,” I

joked. “Earlier, he told me that he’s going to be the envy of his friends because he’s here.

Apparently meeting hot chicks and being on the set of a cool TV show aces meeting Kelly


“Wow, we rate higher than Kelly Osbourne? Maybe someday we’ll rate higher than

24,” she said, looking at me.

“I love your show, but 24’s the holy grail of TV. I will say that I won’t envy any of

my friends until they get on the set of 24 though. That’s the only way I could be jealous of

them. None of them have the connections I have though, so I doubt they’ll ever be able to

ace me at anything.”

“They should be done filming by now,” she said, looking at her watch. Shall we go

see if we can find us some other cast members for you to meet?”

“Could I get your autograph before I forget?” Mark asked her.

“Sure, do you have something you want me to sign? Or how about I sign one of

these pictures for you?” She asked as she pulled out a promo picture with her and the

other cast members on it.

“I was just going to have you sign a piece of paper, but that works even better.”

“I thought it might,” she said as she signed her part of the picture. “And this way,

you can have Rachel and Dina sign it too.”

“How come you have so much free time?” I asked her as we were leaving her


“I knew you were coming, so I filmed as much as we could earlier. This way I

could show you around without having to stop to film a scene every few minutes. Why,

are you complaining about my company?”

“Not at all, I was just wondering why you seem to be the only one not camera,” I

said, trying to dig myself out of a hole. “I’m quite happy to have had a tour guide instead

of standing around alone.”

“I like a man who can think on his feet. I threw you a curve ball and you deflected

it nicely. Dina and Rachel are probably at the craft services table by now. When you get a

break, you learn to grab something to eat when you can.”

“Do they have pizza?” Mark asked.

“You bet they do. What kind do you want Sport?” She asked Mark.

“Pepperoni’s the best,” he said as took off to get some pizza.

“He’s a good kid, but pizza is his favorite,” I said to her. Hollering after I Mark, I

said “don’t eat too much. I don’t want you getting sick on the way home.”

“Everyone loves pizza. I don’t blame him for running off to get some. You never

know how long it’ll last around here,” she said. “So, you must be the coolest uncle in the

world. You get invited to watch a TV show and you share it with your nephew. Most

guys wouldn’t have brought anyone, thinking it might interfere with their ability to hook

up with one of the stars.”

Picking up the hint, I said “well, that would depend on if the guy had a legitimate

shot to begin with. If he did, then I’m sure his guest would be fine on his own for a little


“They might have a shot, you never know,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

My point is that most guys would’ve assumed that the invitation meant that they had a


“let’s drop this whole code talkers bit for a minute OK? Are you trying to tell me I

have a shot at hooking up with you?”

“I guess I am, but you brought your nephew. That complicates matters a bit.” she


“Introduce him around, then he’ll be fine. Let him eat, get his picture signed, watch

some filming and he’ll never know we’re gone,” I said.

“He already seems to have met them,” she said, motioning towards him. He’s

standing there with his picture in one hand and a piece of pizza in the other lost in

conversation with Rachel. Looking over at us, he waved and started dragging Rachel over

to us.

“Uncle Richie, this Rachel. Rachel, this is my Uncle Richie. She signed my for

picture me, see?” He asked, holding up his picture.

“I see that,” I said. Turning to Rachel, I said “I hope he wasn’t much of a bother.”

“Not at all. He was telling me how much fun he’s been having, touring the set with

Huntress as his guide,” Rachel replied with a grin.

“Where’s Dina?” Ashley asked Rachel.

“I think she went to her trailer. The director gave us our hour dinner break, that’s

why everyone is trying to get something to eat while they can.”

“Would you mind taking the Cutie there to see her?” Ashley asked, nodding her

head in Mark’s direction. “He wants as many people to sign his picture as he can get.”

“It would be my pleasure. Would you like to see who else we can get to sign your

photo?” Rachel asked, holding out her hand to Mark.

“Let’s go,” he said, grabbing her hand and heading off in the direction of the


When they were out of earshot, Ashley turned to me and said “looks like we’re

alone now.”

“It sure does. Now back to the earlier topic. You were in the middle of telling me

that you’re hot for my body.”

“I was not,” she said with an innocent look.

“OK, so I was the one who was going to say that I’m hot for your body. I know

you were going to reciprocate though, so don’t even try to deny it.”

“I was in the middle of saying that under the right circumstances, I might be hot

for your body.”

Raising an eyebrow, I asked “are the circumstances right?”

“Well, I’m getting horny, we’re alone, and I like you. All that’s left is we need to

find a safe place.”

“There’s always your trailer, or any number of easily accessible places on this lot. it

can’t be too hard a nice, safe, quiet place,” I reminded her.

“I guess I don’t have to ask if you’d be willing,” she observed. “Come on, my trailer

will have to do.”

I opened my mouth to agree, but before I had a chance to say anything, she

grabbed my hand and pulled me off in the direction of her trailer.

Once inside her trailer, she locked the door and said “just so you know, this is a

one time thing. It’s just two people in a trailer. Once we leave the trailer, we go our

separate ways. OK?”

“I have no problem with being used as a fuck toy. But if you feel the need later,

feel free to use me as much as you want.”

“I just might do that if you’re good enough. I just wanted to make sure you know

that this is nothing more than two people relieving tension and whatever else might be

pent-up inside.”

Looking at me watch, I said, “we’re down to about thirty minutes, we don’t have a

whole lot more time to waste on formalities. We barely have enough time for a quickie as

it is.”

“Good point,” she said as she stripped off her white tank top to reveal a black bra.

I pulled off my own shirt and went to work on my pants as she started to unzip her black

leather pants. When we had our pants off, she jumped into my arms. Locking her legs

around my waist, she reached down and pulled my cock out of my boxers. Moving her

panties to the side, she lined my dick up with the entrance to her pussy and slowly slid

herself down my shaft. Reaching bottom, she moaned and raked her finger nails along my

shoulder blades. Sitting her down on the edge of the counter, I bit her neck and started to

hammer into mercilessly. As her moans increased in quantity and volume, she bit my

shoulder to quiet them down. I was so lost in the moment, that I barely noticed the pain in

my shoulder.

“Uhh, yeah, fuck my pussy. Fuck it harder,” she whispered into my ear between

moans. “Uhh, that’s the way. Yeah, uhh, make me feel every inch of that cock. Fuck, that

feels good. You’re really giving it to me, aren’t you?”

I couldn’t believe the stream of dirty talk that was flowing from her mouth. It was

making me so hot, I didn’t trust myself to do anything more than grunt in agreement.

Feeling my orgasm approaching, I pulled out to cool me off.

“What’re you doing?” She asked when I pulled out.

“I wanted to be able to last a couple more minutes,” I replied. “Now turn around,”

I said as I made the turn around gesture with my hand.

Turning around, she put her hands on the counter top and stuck her ass out at me.

Pulling down her panties, I ran my hand along the inside of her thigh to cup her mons.

Sliding a finger into her pussy, I worked it in and out of her pussy a couple times getting it

nice and wet. Withdrawing my finger all the way, I replaced it with my cock. When I was

all the way in, she hung her head and uttered a primal growl that came straight from her

throat. Taking my cunt juice coated finger, I rubbed it around the ring of her asshole. As I

worked her pussy over with my cock, I gently worked my finger into her ass. When the tip

of the finger popped past her sphincter, she gasped. Using long slow strokes, I worked my

cock in and out of her pussy while working more of my finger into her asshole. By the

time I got my whole finger into her asshole, she started grunting and pushing back on my


“That finger feels good baby,” she said. “You like fingering my little asshole? You

wish you could get your cock in there? I’d let you, but we don’t have enough time. Come

on, give me everything you’ve got. I want you to cum in my pussy. I want to feel your

cum splatter against the walls of my cunt. I want to feel it leak out of my pussy while I’m

filming. It makes me feel like a slut when I have someone’s jizz seeping out of me while

I’m working.”

Pulling my finger out her ass, I gave her a hard swat on the ass. “Uhh, yeah, I’ve

been a bad girl. I, uhh, need to be spanked.” Whack! “Uhh, I’ve been bad. I need to be

spanked harder than that.” WHACK! The sound of the spanking echoed throughout the


Feeling my orgasm approaching, I pulled up mental images of Whoopie Goldberg,

Rosie O’Donnell, and Hillary Clinton in an effort to hold it off a few seconds longer.

WHACK! I gave her one final spanking, which was all she needed to push her over

the edge. “OH GAWWD,” she screamed as her orgasm came upon her. I gave one quick

little thrust into her, before letting loose and shooting my cum into her pussy.

We stayed like that a for a minute or so, until my cock softened enough to fall out

with an obscene ‘pop.’ After we regained our composure, we started to get dressed.

“Remember, this is just meaningless sex. We’ll have do this again sometime, but it

meant essentially nothing,” she reminded me when we were fully clothed. I opened my

mouth to agree, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

I quickly grabbed a soda out of the fridge and flipped on the TV in hopes of

disguising my real reasons for being in Ashley’s trailer. Ashley crossed to the door as I sat

down on the couch to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

“Hi guys,” she said when she opened the door. “Come on in, we were just

watching Sabrina.”

“Sure you were,” Rachel said with a wink as her and Mark entered the trailer. “I

introduced Mark to everyone and had them sign his picture for him. We even found a

camera to take some pictures with. There’s one picture left, so we decided that Ashley

should be in the last one.”

Why don’t we have Richie here take one of Mark with the two of us?” Ashley


“That would be great,” Mark said, his eyes lighting up at the prospect. He handed

me the camera as Ashley posed on his right and Rachel on his left. I snapped the picture,

but noticed that the film wasn’t rewinding.

“There must be an extra picture on this roll. I guess that means Mark gets two

pictures with a beautiful woman on each arm,” I said. Just as I was about to take the

picture, I noticed Ashley and Rachel look at each other. Ashley nodded her head in Mark’s

direction, and both of them leaned down to kiss Mark on the cheek at the same time.

Taking the opportunity, I snapped the picture. As the film started to rewind, I said “the

look on your face was classic Mark.”

“What’d it look like?” Rachel asked.

I tried to mimic the look that had been on his face, but I couldn’t quite get the

right mix of surprise, excitement, and teen hormones.

“You’ve got to send me a copy of that when you get it developed. That just

looked comical,” Rachel said, laughing.

“Sure, I’ll have to have a second set of negatives made so you guys can make as

many copies as you want.,” I said, pulling the film out of the camera and pocketing it.

“Well, it’s time for me to go back to work,” Ashley said. “You going to come

watch Mark?”

“Yeah,” he said as the two of them left the trailer.

“I guess we better go too,” I said to Rachel as I got up off the couch and turned

off the TV.

As we were leaving, Rachel gave me a wink and said “I’d ask how Sabrina was,

but Ashley doesn’t watch it. That, and the fact that I could hear Ashley moaning as we

walked up to the trailer leads me to believe that you two were doing more than just

watching TV.”

“I guess I’m busted. You didn’t tell Mark did you?” I asked, blushing.

“No, I told him that Ashley likes to yell at the TV. Just be more careful next time,”

she warned me.

With that, we headed off to finish the show.

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