Not to be read by anyone under 18, unless your a hot chick.
In which case my address is:
6669 NE 89th St.
Seattle, WA (not really, but you can still drop by and see who lives there if you want)
The following is completely fictional. Any resemblance to reality is entirely coincidental. Contents of this story are merely creative license, not unlike a TV show or movie that uses real people in fictional settings and situations. However, if you do have video or pictures of events similar to the ones described below, feel free to forward them to me for closer examination. Feedback, comments, praise, criticism,
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“Diamonds and dust, poor man last, rich man first. Lambourginis, caviar, dry martinis, Shangri-la. I got a burning feeling, deep inside of me. It’s yearning, but I’m going to set it free. I’m going in to sin city. I’m gonna win in sin city. Where the lights are bright, do the town tonight. I’m gonna win in sin city.” – AC/DC ‘Sin City’
Adventures In Radio #8 – Sin City
“We’re broadcasting live from Las Vegas today, in honor of me wanting to get drunk and gamble on a Friday. We’re coming to you from inside the Hard Rock Hotel, because they’re the coolest. Well, that and they’re the only ones that would let us invade their casino to do this, but that’s what makes the coolest now isn’t it?. In just a minute, we’ll be joined by Mandy Moore. She’s got a new movie coming out, and would like to come on here and plug it. I told her I’d be willing to strap each and every one of you down and let her extol the film’s merits to a captive audience. She didn’t like the idea, so she’s coming on here to plea for your movie going dollars next weekend instead. I’m counting on all you ladies to brow beat your men into taking you, and I’m counting on all you men to be whipped to the point where you won’t even think of saying no,” I said into the microphone.
“At least they’ll get to see Mandy Moore. That’s got to count for something,” Matt chimed in.
“Yeah, it could be worse. They could be dragging you to see the latest movie from Jennifer ‘I can’t believe my ass doesn’t have it’s own zip code’ Lopez. Who wants to sit in a theater for hours watching another version of Cinderella? Now if it was ‘Sinderella,’ with an ‘S’ instead of a ‘C,’ and was about a poor young woman’s search for a good time on the streets of Miami with the help of her three step-sisters, that would be fine. Especially if Sinderella was played by Elisha Cuthbert, and her step-sisters were played by Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. And since it’s Miami, you have to have them all wearing bikinis at all possible times You could have her step-mom played by Michelle Pfeiffer, and she finds love in the arms of a local merchant’s daughter played by Kirsten Dunst. Now that’s a blockbuster if I ever seen one. Guys would be lining up outside theaters for it like it was Star Wars. Only difference is that the crowd would be able to find dates, just wouldn’t want bring them to see a bunch of hot chicks have hot lesbian love on beaches and buses,” I said, getting excited at the idea.
“Uh, you do know that you just suggested that Hollywood’s young A-list should do a lesbian porno don’t you?” Matt asked me.
“They don’t have to go full blown triple-X, just a hard NC-17. Lots of girls kissing girls, with a healthy dose of nudity for effect,” I explained. “I bet there’s not a person listening that wouldn’t pay big money to see at least one of those women getting naked and felt up by another woman on screen.”
“You’re right about that, but it’d never get made. You’d never get those 4 women to sign on, and then the studio would be fighting you all the way to make it PG-13, and then take the movie away from you so they could cut it to an R rating. Then, if you managed to keep the NC-17 rating, you’d have to deal with all the theaters out there that won’t carry an NC-17 film,” Matt explained.
“Dude, why you gotta harsh my mellow like that?” I asked him.
“I’m just making sure you don’t get your hopes up about it ever getting made. I’m just looking out for you is all,” Matt answered.
“The time to watch out for me is when I’m talking to an attractive transvestite. You walk up to me and quietly say ‘it’s a dude.’ You don’t crush my dreams of seeing four of my favorite women starring in a borderline porn flick together,” I explained.
“Actually, that would five of your favorite women,” Matt corrected me.
“Five? I thought I only said four names,” I said, trying to think of what I had just said.
“Elisha Cuthbert as Sinderella, Jessica Alba, Eliza Dushku, and Jennifer Love Hewitt as step-sisters, and then Kirsten Dunst as Sinderella’s love interest,” Matt said, holding up a finger with each name to show his math. “Six if you include Michelle Pfeiffer as the step mom.”
“Why you gotta be a dick like that?” I asked. “I can count, you don’t need to count for me like I’m a three year old.”
“Sorry, just thought you might need a little extra help,” Matt said, grinning like a rat that just stole the cheese.
“That’s it, I’m not gambling with you tonight. I’ll hang out with Mandy and play with her. She’ll be nice to me, I bet,” I said.
“Mandy’s also only 19. She’s not old enough to gamble yet,” Matt pointed out, his grin getting even bigger.
“She’s got money, she can invest in a fake ID. If not, then I guess I’ll hang out in the arcade with her. We can make bets on which kid will score more points on Pac-Man or something. We can be the bookies of the Hard Rock kiddie arcade,” I joked.
“You do know that nobody plays Pac-Man anymore don’t you?” Matt asked.
“Yes, I know that nobody plays Pac-Man anymore, but that doesn’t change the greatness of Pac-Man,” I answered, more than a little annoyed.
“In that case, always bet on the kid between 14-17 with bad acne and skin so pale you can see through him by holding up a bright light behind him. Odds are he has no friends and certainly not a girlfriend, so he stays in the arcade all day,” Matt said.
“Thanks for the tip. Are you speaking from personal experience? I’ve seen you play your X-Box, so I’m wondering if you were that pale, acne riddled, lonely teenager at some point,” I said.
“I had lots of friends in high school,” Matt said defensively.
“Were they named Mario, Luigi, Zelda, and Link?” I asked, grinning.
“Screw you,” Matt said.
Laughing, I said “Next time, you won’t harsh my mellow.”
“Just go to commercial, and then don’t talk to me,” Matt said.
“OK, here’s Avril’s latest single ‘Losing Grip’ and then we’ll bring out Mandy Moore after the break,” I said as the song started to play.
“Don’t even talk to me,” Matt said as I turned in his direction.
“What? It’s not my fault you were a dork in high school. OK, so maybe I shouldn’t have dragged it out on air, but people would’ve found out the next time you started talking about playing Halo.”
Seeing that Matt wasn’t going to respond, I took off my headphones and headed off to find something to drink while I had time.
“Hey Richie,” a female voice said from behind me as I was putting my money in a Pepsi machine.
Turning around, I saw Mandy standing there wearing a light yellow shirt and yellow leather pants. Waving at her, I said “Well, if it isn’t my favorite lemon.”
“I’m not a lemon,” she said.
“Sorry, must have been all the yellow that threw me,” I said as I grabbed my Pepsi.
“Buy a girl a drink?” She asked, batting her eyelashes at me.
“Pick your poison,” I told her as I put the change in the machine.
Pushing the button for a Diet Pepsi, she bent over to pull it out of the machine. As I was leaning my head over to look at her ass, she said “Thanks for the drink, and thanks for looking at my ass I guess.”
“Just doing my part,” I said as I took a sip out of the can. “I’m a sucker for a woman in need of something to drink, and even more of a sucker for a woman bending over in leather pants. Speaking of which, you must be nuts to wear those in the desert. It must be 120 degrees out there, it being July and all.”
“I wanted something that would make my ass look good,” she said, grinning to show that she was joking. “I didn’t even think about it when I put them on. I stepped outside and immediately started to sweat. I thought about changing, but then I would’ve been late getting here.”
“Well, we should be getting going. The song’s probably just about over and if I’m not back, Matt might start talking to me again,” I told her.
“He’d start talking to you? When did he stop?” She asked as we made our way back to the broadcast area.
“Just a couple minutes ago. I was talking about how you and I should become bookies in the arcade, and that led to me letting out the secret that he’s a video game geek. It serves him right for putting a damper on my idea for an NC-17 borderline porn movie starring a bunch of top notch young actresses,” I explained.
“OK, I hope I wasn’t in that porn movie,” she said.
“No, for me the only porno you appear in is the one in my head,” I said, winking at her to lighten the mood. “I honestly couldn’t see you doing anything that might require nudity. I’d pay through the nose to see it, but you just seem too innocent to ever shed your clothes for the cameras.”
“You’ve got a porno starring me in your head?” She asked, taken aback.
“Every guy has a porno starring celebs in their head. Mine is you, Elisha Cuthbert, Jessica Alba, Anna Paquin, and Natalie Portman taking turns having sex with me. When you’re not having sex with me, you’re having sex with each other,” I said. When I saw her starting to look at me like I was a freak, I said “Hey, you’re the one who asked.”
“I guess I should have known when to quit,” she said. “You’d really take us five over any of the other women in Hollywood?”
“It comes as a great shock to many that I’d turn down what people perceive as the most beautiful women in Hollywood to have a go at the cutest instead. I like cuteness, and you five have it by the truckload. It took me a while to see the pattern, but when I sat down to make a list of my favorite celebrities, I saw that almost all of them could best be described as being ‘cute’ or ‘adorable.’ I like beautiful as much as the next guy, but cute is sexy to me,” I said as we got to the broadcast area just as the final commercial was just about to end.
“So where do I rank on your list of celebrities?” She asked as we put our headphones on.
Holding up two fingers to show that she was number two on the list, I hit the button to put us on the air and said “We’re back with the extremely adorable Mandy Moore. I’ve known her for a couple years now, and she never fails to brighten the room when she shows up.”
“It’s great to be here,” she said, showing more nervousness than I would have guessed from a seasoned veteran of the promotion machine. “So, what were those two fingers that you held up for? Were trying to give me the peace sign?”
“Off the air, I was telling Mandy how much I like cute and adorable as traits in women. So she asked me where she ranked on my list. I held up two fingers, and that was to say that she’s number two on my list,” I explained to the audience.
“Number two? Number two what? Number two pop star? Number two musician?” She asked, smiling as she continued to put me on the spot.
“Number two overall. Only Elisha Cuthbert ranks higher,” I answered.
“I’m number two out of every woman in show business?” She asked, not believing me.
“That you are. I told you that I love cuteness. I’ll admit that there are more physically blessed women out there that don’t rank as high on my list as millions of others would put them, but cute will always win in my book,” I explained.
“I like sleaziness myself, but to each his own,” Matt chipped in.
“He speaks,” I said. “I thought you’d given up speaking on the air for lent or something.”
“I was talking to Mandy,” he said, not even looking at me. “I’m still not talking to you.”
“And people say you can’t win all the time. Seriously man, you know I love you. Just not in that way,” I said. When he still didn’t answer, I continued “I’m sorry I made fun of you for liking video games. There’s nothing wrong with liking them, and I shouldn’t throw stones after all the time I’ve spent playing Diablo 2 on the computer.”
“Now was that so hard?” He asked.
“Actually it was. I think I hurt myself apologizing. I may need Mandy to provide medical attention after the show in my room,” I joked. Seeing her look at me like I was nuts, I decided to finish the joke. “I’ll even bring the little nurse’s uniform if you’re up for it.”
Playing along with the joke, she asked “Do I get to perform a full physical?”
“As long as you promise not to be too rough while checking my prostate,” I answered, grinning.
“I think you just crossed the line on that joke,” Matt said, seeing Mandy wince.
“Oh come on, that was funny,” I protested. “Prostate jokes are funny, and I don’t care what anyone says. As long as the joke isn’t about cancer, prostate jokes are funny.”
“They are, just as long as they don’t come from you,” Matt said.
“It actually was kind of funny,” Mandy said, coming to my rescue. “I just don’t want to think about sticking my hand up your ass.”
“Oh, and the pop star gets feisty,” I said. “I don’t think you stick your whole hand up there, I think it’s a finger or two. I don’t know, I’ll have to call my dad and ask. He’s old enough to have had a few. He’ll probably say that it’s only a couple fingers, but it feels like the whole hand.”
“Can we not talk about this anymore? I just ate, so my stomach is getting queasy,” Mandy said as she took a sip of her Diet Pepsi.
“OK, no more jokes like that. How about we play a song, do some commercials, and then regroup to do the Top 5? Does that sound like a plan to everyone?” I asked.
“Sounds good to me, but the computer just froze up so we can’t play the commercials,” Matt answered. “You can play the song, but unless the computer unfreezes there won’t be any commercials after it.”
“So we’re stuck doing nothing until it starts working again? I guess this would be a good time to announce the new contest then,” I said as I picked up a sheet of paper from in front of me. “I just got this handed to me this morning, so listen up. Starting tomorrow, we’ll be giving away chances to meet Beyonce Knowles. Every time you hear Beyonce or Destiny’s Child, be the 107th caller and we’ll qualify you for a chance to come in to the studio and meet her when she comes in next month. We’ll even throw in her new CD so that everyone wins. We might even play a game or two with chances to meet her as the prize, so make sure to listen.”
“It’s still not responding,” Matt said, answering the silent look I gave him after I was done reciting the information.
“If this keeps up, we might have to make Mandy entertain us,” I said.
“Yeah, she could sing for us,” Matt offered.
“No, no, no, she’s here to promote a movie. Therefore, she’d have to act for us. If she were here to promote a CD, then we’d make her sing and dance for us,” I pointed out.
“What, you want me to recite lines from the movie for you? How would I be able to act for you guys on the radio?” Mandy asked.
“You could always do Hamlet’s soliloquy for us,” I suggested. “You know, the one that starts ‘To be or not to be, that is the question.’ I had an ex-girlfriend who was a huge Shakespeare nut.”
“You should do Shakespeare dinner theater. They always seem to butcher his stuff, so you’d feel right at home,” Matt said, giving me a nice verbal jab.
“Et tu Brute?” I asked, doing a line from Caesar. “Your supposed to support my ambitions of being a movie star and banging hot chicks.”
“You don’t seem to need the help of being a movie star to do that,” Matt pointed out.
“What’s this?” Mandy asked intrigued.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “I’ll tell you off the air. Is the computer fixed yet?”
“Yeah, it just came back online,” Matt answered.
“OK, then here’s ‘Bring Me To Life’ by Evanesence. We’ll be back with the Top 5 in a few minutes,” I said, pushing the button to play the song.
“So, what was Matt talking about? Are you a real ladies man?” Mandy asked me when we were off the air.
“He’s like Don Juan or something. The list of women is longer than anyone could imagine by looking at him,” Matt said.
“Hey, there’s no need to bring my looks into this,” I said.
“He’s cute,” Mandy defended me, cocking her head to the side as she appraised my looks. “Anyone I know?”
“I’m sure there is,” Matt answered. “At the very least, there would be a few that you’d have heard of. The latest name added to the list was Sheryl Crow.”
“Don’t you have commercials to get ready?” I asked him, hoping to skip the topic.
“They’re already lined up and the song still has a couple minutes on it,” Matt answered.
“Sheryl Crow huh?” Mandy asked. “Are all of your women that old?”
Resigning myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to escape the conversation, I said “Sheryl’s not old, but no, most of them younger than me. Old enough to be legal though, I might add.”
“Anyone else I might know of?” Mandy asked.
“I’m starting to think you’re getting turned on by this topic,” I told her as I heard the song end in my headphones and the first commercial start up.
“Maybe a little,” she said quietly so Matt couldn’t hear. “Stop avoiding the question. Anyone else I might know?”
“Well, there was Jessica Alba,” I answered.
“She’s hot,” Mandy said. “How’d you manage that?”
“I’m done with this conversation,” I said, refusing to answer. “I’ll only give you more details if you wear the nurse’s uniform for me.”
“You got a thing for the nurse’s uniform or something?” Mandy asked. “That’s the second time you’ve asked me to wear it.”
“It’s called a recurring joke, but who doesn’t have a thing for nurse’s uniforms? For men, they’re the equivalent of a policeman’s uniform or a military uniform for women. A nurse and a french maid are the uniforms that men seem to all agree on,” I explained.
“It must be because you like to be taken care of. The nurse heals you and the maid cleans up after you,” Mandy said.
“Well spotted. I never thought of that before,” I said. Hearing the final commercial coming to an end in my headphones, I turned the mics back on and said “Welcome back to our fine radio program. It’s time for today’s Top 5 List, as read by today’s guest, Mandy Moore.”
Picking up the sheet of paper with the Top 5 List on it, she said “Looks like today’s list is titled ‘Top 5 Hottest Pop Stars.’ Honorable Mention goes to Jessica Simpson.”
“Quite possibly the best set of breasts in the business, and her music’s good too. I’m still sulking over her decision to marry that guy from 98 Degrees instead of me. Oh well, marrying Jessica Simpson would’ve ruined my chances with Elisha Cuthbert, so I guess I can live with it,” I said.
“Nick Lachey is cute. He’s also a nice guy, so I’m glad she found someone like him,” Mandy responded.
“Don’t talk to me about nice guys. I’m the original nice guy, but does that get me Jessica Simpson? No, and it’s not fair I tell you,” I pouted.
“It didn’t seem to stop you from getting Jessica Alba,” Mandy said, winking at me. “Number 5 is Beyonce Knowles.”
“I had Jessica penciled in at this spot with Jennifer Paige in the honorable mention slot, but then I saw Beyonce’s new video. Matt’s already filed an objection with pretty much the whole list, so we probably won’t hear too much from him about it,” I said. “He thinks Beyonce should be a notch higher, and there’s a certain someone that he thinks should be #1 that didn’t even make the list.”
“How can you make a list of the hottest pop stars and not include Christina? Or Pink for that matter?” Matt asked, still mad over it.
“If this were a top 10 list, then Christina would be on here. She’s not in my top 6,” I told him. “She’d probably sit number 8 on the list, but I can’t do three honorable mentions just to make you happy. Pink on the other hand wouldn’t even make a top 10 list, so don’t even start on me about her.”
“Before this conversation gets any uglier, number 4 is Britney Spears,” Mandy said, moving along.
“What can I say, she’s the princess of pop who gave every guy between the ages of 13 and 50 a woody. Seeing jailbait shaking her money maker in low rise jeans and a sports bra has become a spectator sport thanks to her, and I’d personally like to thank her for it. She’s certainly made going to the mall a better experience. People say how teenagers shouldn’t dress like that, but as long as creepy old guys aren’t touching the underage ones there shouldn’t be a problem. So they want to tease, what woman over 18 didn’t already do that? They’re starting their tease a few years early, big deal,” I ranted.
“Preach on brother Richie,” Matt said enthusiastically.
“Can I get an ‘amen’ from the congregation?” I threw out there, southern televangelist style. Changing back to my normal voice, I said “I don’t care if teenagers wear tight jeans and see through shirts, or ankle length dresses that don’t show any skin at all, a beautiful woman will still be lusted after by men of all ages. Teenage guys have enough hormones not to care, and dirty old men will always be dirty old men. It doesn’t matter what women wear.”
“Number 3 is Michelle Branch,” Mandy said, reading the next name on the list.
“She’s absolutely adorable with those big brown eyes of hers. She’s got the kind of eyes that melt you from the inside out with just a slight flicker of her eyelashes. She bats those eyelashes at you, and you’d have to be made of stone to say ‘no’ to her request. Even Matt and his affinity for blondes has a thing for Michelle,” I said.
“She’s cute, great eyes, nice body, a voice that leaves you wanting more. She’s got damn near the complete package,” Matt said.
“I like her new song,” Mandy said, obviously feeling left out of the conversation. “Number 2 is Avril Lavigne.”
“Quite possibly the cutest woman to ever walk upright. Every time I see her, I just want to take her home, cover her with a blanket, and feed her soup. She’s yet more proof that Canadians are putting something in their water to breed inhumanly cute women. Avril, Elisha, Anna Paquin, Mia Kirshner, Kristin Kreuk, Shania, the list just goes on and on. I say we invade Canada and steal whatever it is that’s making their women so hot,” I said.
“She’s cute, but she’s not number 2. Maybe number 5 or honorable mention, but not number 2,” Matt said.
“It’s my list, and I say she’s number 2. Maybe next week we’ll let you do a top 5 so I can sit over here and scrutinize every choice you make,” I told him.
“I agree with Matt,” Mandy said. “Avril’s cute, but she’s not exactly hot. Back to the list, number 1 is Mandy Moore.”
“I name you as the hottest pop star, and you repay me by agreeing with Matt?” I asked Mandy, hurt.
“I was just stating my opinion. I don’t even think I should be number 1, which I’m sure Matt would agree with, considering his obvious love for Britney and Christina,” Mandy countered.
“I’d put you near the top of the list, but you’re right that I wouldn’t put you at #1,” Matt responded.
“That’s it, I’m done with this. You two can finish the show without me,” I said, pulling my headphones off like I was ready to walk out. Putting them back on, I said “I’m just kidding. It was worth it to see Matt get all panicky at me getting ready to storm out before signing off. How much time do we have Matt?”
“About thirty seconds, so now would be a good time to sign off,” Matt answered
“OK, today’s final request comes from Greg in East Hollywood and he’s crazy to hear ‘Crazy In Love’ by Beyonce. I couldn’t agree with you more Greg, so here you go. Hope you all enjoyed the show, and thanks to Mandy for coming down. Everyone go see ‘How To Deal’ when it hits your local theater so I don’t have to send the mafia after you. I’d also like to thank Kenny for letting us broadcast from Vegas. I guess I’ll also thank Matt for showing up only slightly hung over in the midst of all this drunken debauchery. Talk to you all on Monday,” I said as the mics went dead.
“Get out of my studio,” Craig, the DJ who works the shift after me, yelled as he walked into the broadcast area.
“Nice to see you too Craig,” I said, grinning as I took off my headphones.
“Who’s hotter, Shakira or Salma Hayek?” Craig asked for no apparent reason.
“Shakira, because of the way she can shake her hips. Her hips are guaranteed to turn any man into a gibberish spewing drool machine. Salma has a nice rack, but Shakira’s accent doesn’t make me want to kill somebody,” I answered.
“That’s what I thought, now get out of my studio,” Craig repeated.
“OK, OK, we’re getting out of your studio. But first I want you to meet Mandy. Mandy, this is Craig. Craig this is Mandy,” I said, introducing the two of them.
“Nice to meet you Craig,” Mandy said, holding out her hand.
Putting his headphones on, he shook her hand and said “Always nice to meet a beautiful lady.”
“Wow, you’re being awful nice today. You trying to score points with Kenny?” I asked, giving him a bad time.
“No, I just had a few beers before coming over here,” he answered. The smell of beer on his breath served as confirmation that he was telling the truth.
“Where’s Sarah?” I asked, not seeing his producer around.
“She couldn’t make it, so Matt’s going to have to stick around and run everything for me,” he said, smiling at the fact that Matt wasn’t going to be able to go have fun.
“I better be getting overtime for it,” Matt said, not happy about the situation.
“I’ll sneak you a beer later,” I promised him as Mandy and I turned to leave.
“Looks like it’s just you and me,” Mandy said.
“What shall we do first? Blackjack, craps, poker, or roulette?” I asked, rubbing my hands together at the thought of scoring big.
“I’d like to change clothes first if you don’t mind. These leather pants are a little too hot to be wearing right now. I need to put on something a little cooler. Then we can play anything you want,” she answered.
“OK, to your room. Are you in this hotel, or another one?” I asked.
“Hard Rock wouldn’t comp me a room, so I got a nice suite at MGM,” she answered.
“To the MGM then,” I said as we headed for the exit.
As we entered the MGM Grand, I said “I’ll wait down here if you want.”
“You can come up if you want. If you wait down here, you’ll go find a game and I’ll never be able to find you,” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the elevators.
As the doors closed, I suddenly had a flashback of the last time I’d been in the elevator of a hotel. I half expected Mandy to push the emergency stop button just like Liz Phair had. Instead, she just pushed the button for her floor and we rode quietly up.
“I’m over here,” she said, pointing to the right as she pulled her keycard out of her purse
She dragged me down the hall to her room. Putting her card in the slot on her door, she was rewarded with a click as the door unlocked. Tossing her purse on the couch as we entered her room, she headed off to the bedroom portion of the suite.
“Nice room they gave you,” I commented as I looked out the window. It would definitely be a stunning view of the city at night when everything would be lit up.
“Thanks,” she said from behind the bedroom door.
Looking over towards the bedroom, I saw that the door was open enough for me to see her pulling her pants down. Knowing I should look away, but unable to, I saw her sit down on the bed so she could pull first one leg off and then the other. As she stood up again, I could see that she was wearing a black thong. Pulling her shirt off over her head, she tossed the shirt on the bed. When she turned around, she cast a glance around the room and I was treated to the sight of her firm stomach. I could feel my cock start to stiffen as I stood there watching her wearing only the black thong and a matching black strapless bra like a voyeur. I could see light tan lines where the straps of her bikini would be. When she moved out of my field of vision, I guessed that she must be going to grab something to put on.
“I’m ready,” she said, opening the door to reveal her in a light green summer dress with little flowers on it. Holding her arms out as she spun around, she asked “What do you think?”
“Not quite as impressive as leather pants, but it shows off those long legs of yours,” I said, looking her up and down. “I like the sandals though. They’re cute and further accentuate your legs.”
“I like all the straps,” she said, picking up her purse off the couch. Grabbing my arm again, she said “Come on, lets go find a game to lose our money on.”
“I don’t plan to lose,” I said as we left her room. “I usually do wind up losing, but I never plan on it.”
“OK, then lets go find a game to win,” she corrected herself.
“Now you’re talking,” I said, letting myself be dragged back toward the elevator.
“I want to play blackjack. Where are the blackjack tables?” Mandy asked when we had made our way to the casino.
“How much money you got on you?” I asked.
“A couple hundred, why?” She asked.
“Just wondering if we should find an ATM before hitting the tables. Don’t want to get there and find out you don’t have enough money,” I explained.
“I’ve got enough money,” she said impatiently. “I want to find a game.”
Seeing a waitress, I waved her over. “I’d like a Corona, and which way to the blackjack tables?” I asked her when she was near us.
“They’re over there,” the waitress answered, pointing over to a group of tables off to the right.
“I think I’ll try a white russian,” Mandy said.
“I’m going to need to see some ID, miss,” the waitress told her.
Pulling out her wallet, Mandy pulled out an ID out and handed it to the waitress. After the waitress had examined the ID, she handed it back to Mandy and went to get our drinks.
“Fake ID?” I asked Mandy quietly as we walked toward the gaming tables.
“It was my sister’s. She lost hers, got it replaced, found it again, and I convinced her to give her old one to me. We look enough alike, and it’s a real driver’s license, so nobody ever pays enough attention to catch it,” Mandy said.
“Almost makes me wish I had a big brother like that when I was 19,” I said.
“I don’t use it much, just when I want into a club.”
“Lets try this one,” I suggested, seeing a table with two open seats. Taking my seat, I put down a $20 bill in front of the dealer to get chips.
“Looks good,” Mandy said, taking the seat next to me.
We sat there playing for a while, winning some, losing more, drinking free drinks, and generally having a fun time. Finally when all my money was gone, all the chips I could borrow from Mandy were gone, and we were sufficiently wasted, we decided to take a break.
“What now?” Mandy asked, wobbling slightly as we wandered around.
“Usually when I’m this drunk, I like to go find something greasy and completely bad for me to eat,” I answered, slurring my speech slightly as we wandered out of the hotel just in time to see the sun turning pink as the sun was set to sink behind the horizon.
“How come you never hit on me before?” She asked, taking me by surprise. “You seem to hit on every other guest you have. You must, considering the number of them you wind up sleeping with.”
“Well, when I first met you, you were only 17. Then by the time you turned 18, you were dating that Fez guy on ‘That 70’s Show’ so I didn’t think I stood a chance,” I responded, the alcohol making me a little more honest than I otherwise would have been as we walked along a road leading away from the strip.
“Come on,” she said, drunkenly dragging me into an alley a block or two away from the hotel.
“What are we doing here?” I asked as she pushed me behind a dumpster.
As I felt her hand on my belt, she answered “What do you think?”
With my mind submerging behind a cloud of beer, I could barely think. Feeling her fumble with my belt before finally getting it undone, I jumped slightly as her hand slipped inside my shorts to grab my quickly hardening cock.
“We can’t,” I said, trying to push her away. “You’re drunk, and I can’t take advantage of you like that.”
“You won’t be taking advantage of me,” she assured me, leaning in to kiss me and emphasize the point by squeezing my cock.
“OK, then I shouldn’t let you take advantage of me,” I said, still trying to fight her off.
“How can I take advantage of you if you let me?” She asked before lightly biting me on the chin.
My efforts suddenly came to a halt when she started to slowly run her fingers along the underside of my cock in my shorts. Leaning back against the wall of a building in the alley, I closed my eyes and decided to just go with the flow. It’s not like I was being raped, and it certainly wasn’t like I was being fondled by bad company either. Just let myself go and enjoy it. I might even get to fuck her before one, or both, of us passed out.
Once the decision was made, I threw myself into it full force. Cupping her face in my hands, I locked eyes with her for a second before pressing my lips against hers. Softly biting her lower lip, I ran the tip of my tongue along it.
Breaking the kiss, she pulled her hand out of my shorts. Unhooking the button of my denim shorts, she quickly pulled the zipper down. Reaching through the hole in the front of my boxers, she grabbed my cock and pulled it out.
“Nice,” she commented as she got her first look at my cock in the quickly fading light. The alley only got trace amounts of sunlight, and even those were disappearing fast.
“I don’t like to brag, but I get that a lot,” I said, puffing my chest out a little at the compliment.
Giggling at my reaction, she started to idly stroke my tool. Being taller than most of the women I’d had the pleasure of fucking, I was mildly surprised that her long fingers could almost wrap all the way around the shaft.
“I’ve never had a guy that I couldn’t get my fingers around,” she said, squeezing my cock as she examined it. Just as she squeezed it enough to let her fingernails touch, I stopped her because it was starting to hurt.
“It’s not one of those stress balls that you squeeze to take your anger out,” I told her.
“Sorry about that, I was just trying to see if I could get my fingers around it,” she said, still fascinated.
The tidbit about being the widest guy she’d had was making my mind spin a little. If she’d never had someone as big, and the fact that she was still only nineteen, then I was wondering just how tight she’d be. I was even starting to wonder if I’d actually be able to get it all in, but I was more than willing to try.
I was so lost in my thoughts about how tight her pussy might be, that I failed to notice her start to squat in front of me. It wasn’t until I felt her tongue lick along the underside of my cock and finish with a quick lick around the crown, that I was jolted out of my reverie. Looking down, I saw her in a bit of an awkward position. Instead of being on her knees, she was squatting so that her ass was sitting on the back of her ankles and her whole body was balanced on the balls of her feet.
“Are you going to be OK like that?” I asked her.
Rubbing my cock against the tan skin of her face, she looked up at me and answered “There’s something on the ground here that I didn’t want to kneel in.”
“Well, lets try this,” I said motioning for her to lean against the wall in the same position she had been in. “That way you don’t have to drag your knees through the garbage, and you can lean against the wall to take the burden off your feet.”
“Thanks,” she said, pressing her ass against the wall.
Taking hold of my cock again, she opened her mouth and sucked the head in. Sucking on the head, she stroked her hand up and down the shaft as she swirled her tongue around the head.
Feeling her start to work her mouth further down my cock, I closed my eyes and let my head roll back as I lost myself in the sensations. I could feel her lips stretched tight around me as she tried to get all of me into her mouth. About three quarters of the way down my cock, I could feel the head bumping against the back of her throat. I figured she’d pull back and concentrate on the head some more, but she surprised me by relaxing her throat and start pushing her head back down again. To my amazement, I felt the head of my cock starting to make it’s way down her windpipe.
The only other woman I could remember being able to deep throat me was Liz, but that was because she’d had lots of practice. Whoever taught Mandy to give a blow job had sure done a magnificent job.
Before I knew it, her nose was buried in my pubic hair and I could feel the head of my cock being gripped tightly by her throat. Just when I thought it was as good as it was going to get, she started a low humming sound that vibrated through my whole cock.
“Oh shit,” I groaned as my mind was being launched into orbit. Opening my eyes, I looked down at her just as she looked at me. Our eyes locked and I could see a twinkle in hers as she ran her tongue along the underside of my cock.
Pulling her head back so she could breathe, she stepped up the suction on the rest of my cock as it left her throat. Then she reached down and grabbed my ball sack in her hand. Fondling my nuts, she pulled her mouth off of my cock.
Opening my mouth to ask why she’d pulled off, I was quickly shut up as she started sucking on my scrotum. Holding my scrotum in one hand, she sucked first one testicle, and then other into her mouth. Using her other hand to jack my cock off, she sucked both testicles into her mouth at the same time.
Starting to lose my mind at her treatment of my cock, I grabbed the back of her head. Getting my hint, she let go of my nuts and wrapped her lips back around my cock.
Holding the back of her head with my hands, I started thrusting my hips to fuck her mouth. Sliding my cock in and out of her mouth, I could feel her tongue swirling around my dick and caressing the shaft. Grunting with each thrust, I could feel myself getting closer to cumming with each push.
“I’m gonna cum,” I told her, letting go of the back of her head to give her time to pull off if she wanted.
Instead, she increased the suction on my cock pushing me even closer to my orgasm. Relaxing her throat again, she took me all the way into her mouth. Seeing her deep throating me as I was about to cum pushed me over the edge.
“Oh fuck,” I groaned as the first spurt shot out of the of my dick and down her throat. Pulling out of her throat, I shot the last few spurts into her mouth, which she quickly swallowed.
Pulling her mouth off my cock, she looked up at me and asked “Was it good?” Licking her lips to get any jizz that might have leaked out, she collected a little bit that had started to drip down her chin with her finger and licked it clean.
Looking at her like she had asked the dumbest question in the world, I said “I don’t think ‘good’ would be accurate. ‘Mind boggling’ maybe, but not ‘good.’ ‘Good’ is when you find yourself enjoying it but it’s not enough to keep you from looking forward to the next thing.”
“Good, now it’s my turn,” she said, standing up.
Finally noticing the pungent smell of garbage in the alley, I suggested “Why don’t we find a better place?”
“Come on, lets go to my room,” she said, barely giving me enough time to zip up before grabbing my hand and dragging me off, back in the direction of her hotel.
“Have you ever done it in an elevator?” She asked as we stepped into the elevator.
“Actually I have. Last month in fact,” I answered.
Pouting, she asked “With who?”
“Liz Phair. We were in the elevator at her hotel, and she suddenly pushed the emergency stop button. Next thing I know I’m fucking her while she’s talking to one of the repairmen on the service phone.”
“Never mind that then, I want to do something you’ve never done,” she said.
“I’ve never fucked on the roof of a hotel,” I suggested.
“I don’t think we can get up there, and I don’t want to get arrested for it either. It wouldn’t look good in the tabloids. I can see the headlines now: ‘Mandy Moore Caught Screwing On Vegas Rooftop.’ It might even sell a few copies,” she said, laughing at the thought.
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” I asked. “If it’s any consolation, I had never gotten head in an alley before.”
“That’s something, I guess,” she lamented as the elevator reached her floor. Stepping out of the elevator, we headed off in the direction of her room. “I still wish there was something else you hadn’t done.”
“I haven’t had sex on a balcony yet,” I said, as she opened the door to her room and I remembered the balcony on her room.
“Really?” She asked, getting excited.
“Nope, no balcony. I had Natalie Portman outside on my deck, but not on a balcony,” I answered as she started dragging me towards the glass door that lead out onto the balcony.
“You had Queen Amidala, on your deck?” She asked, a little leery.
“Shocked me too, but somehow I managed it,” I shrugged. “I had met her a couple times, and then she came in to promote Episode 2 last year. The end of the night found us in a lounge chair on the deck in my backyard.”
“I’m still not sure I believe you, but it’s a hot story,” she said, sliding the glass door open.
Stepping out on the balcony, I looked over the railing and saw a nice sharp drop. Reflexively stepping back, I said “On second thought, maybe the bedroom would be better.”
“Are you afraid of heights or something?” She asked, stepping up to the railing.
“It’s not the heights that bother me, it’s the ‘what might happen if I fell’ part that gets me,” I said, leaning against the door.
Leaning her back against the railing, she seductively started to hike up the skirt of her dress. “I guess we could always call it a night if you don’t want to do this,” she said as her dress reached mid-thigh.
“Why call it a night when there’s a whole big room in there we could use,” I suggested, not taking my eyes off of her skirt as it continued to climb up her legs.
“Because I want to do it out here,” she said. Stopping her skirt raising just before her panties came into view, she held it there with one hand as she used the other hand to push one of the straps of the dress off of her shoulder.
“Why do we have to do it out here?” I asked, a little bit of whine starting to creep into my voice.
“Because I want to do something you haven’t done before,” she answered. “I want to stand out among the women you’ve slept with. I don’t want to be just another notch in your belt.”
“Believe me, you’re not,” I assured her as she pushed the other strap off her shoulder. “Can’t we just go fuck on top of the ice machine or something? I’ve never done that.”
“If we leave this balcony, then you’re going back to your hotel and I’m going to bed alone,” she said.
Deciding that teenage, celebrity pussy was more important than a fear of heights, I took a small step in her direction. When I didn’t collapse from a sudden case of vertigo, I took a larger step that took me to railing right next to her. Gripping the railing tightly, I stared down at the pavement below and tried to fight back the spinning that my head was going through.
“See, you’re not going to fall,” Mandy said, putting her hand on my shoulder.
“That doesn’t mean I feel any better about being this close to potential death,” I retorted. Turning my head to look at her, I saw that her dress was only being held up by her small but perky breasts.
“If it makes you feel better, you can lay down on the floor of the balcony and I’ll ride you,” she said, pointing to the concrete block that made up the floor of the balcony. “It won’t be comfortable, but you won’t fall over the railing.”
Looking down at the cement under my feet, I suggested “How about we drag one of the chairs from inside, out here.”
“That would work if we could get it through the door,” she said. Moving towards the open door, she said “Come on, lets go see.”
Following her inside, we grabbed one of the recliners and started moving it towards the balcony. Moving it into the doorway, she stepped outside to pull on it while I pushed. It took a little work, but we finally got it through the door and out onto the balcony. Shifting it around, we got it into position where both of us could stand outside with enough room to maneuver around it.
With a light sheen of sweat on our brows from the effort, I leaned in and kissed her. Returning the kiss, she pressed her tongue against my lips as her hand reached down and massaged my cock through my shorts.
Reaching behind her, I unzipped the back of her dress. Caressing her back, I didn’t feel a bra strap. Stepping back, I broke the kiss and grabbed the straps of her dress to pull them further down her arms until the dress dropped to her waist. Seeing her braless tits pop into view, I wondered when she took her bra off.
Taking her hand off my cock, she slipped her arms out of the straps and pushed the dress off her hips and down to fall on the floor around her feet. Stepping out of it, she was careful not to step on it as she moved in closer to me.
As she was about to kick off her sandals, I said “Leave them on. They look kinda hot.”
“You got a foot fetish or something?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No, they just look hot on you. Maybe I’ve got a fetish for your legs, I don’t know. I just think they’d look better on,” I said.
“Shut up and kiss me,” she said.
“I like a woman that knows what she wants,” I said as I leaned my head down to kiss her. Wrapping my arms around her, I could feel her hands tugging on my belt again. Her experience with unhooking it earlier served her well as she was able to quickly undo it. As I ran my tongue along her upper lip, she parted her lips as she unbuttoned my shorts. Unzipping them, she pushed them off my hips and they fell to the cement with a bit of a clatter as my keys and change jingled in the pockets. Slipping my tongue into her mouth, I ran the tip of it along the side of her own tongue.
Moaning softly into my mouth, she broke the kiss and asked “Is this how you thought your night would turn out?”
“This is almost how I wished my night would turn out, but it’s not how I thought it would,” I answered honestly, stepping out of my pants.
“Almost like you wished?” She asked, staring at me those doe eyes of hers.
“If I hadn’t freaked over the heights, then it would’ve been exactly how I wished,” I said, turning around so her back was to the chair. Pushing her down into the chair, I pulled off my shirt and stood in front of her in just my boxers. “Is this how you thought the night would end?”
Shifting around so that she was slumped down in the chair, she answered “It’s not how I thought it would at the start of the day, but it’s how I hoped it would after talking about all the celebrities you’ve slept with. Why do you think I let you watch me change earlier?”
Taken aback by the fact that she knew I had been watching, I said “If you had said something while you were changing, we could have started all this that much earlier. We could have spent the day exploring instead of gambling.”
“I had fun today, and I’m going to have even more fun tonight,” she said, giving me a ‘come fuck me’ look.
“Even if we’re drunk?” I asked as I dropped to my knees in front of her.
“I’m actually not all that drunk any more,” she said. “Right now I’m just horny.”
Lightly running the tips of my fingers along the inside of her thigh, I said “Getting a blow job tends to clear my head, so I’m not really drunk anymore either.”
“Are you going to return the favor?” She asked, excited.
“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t?” I asked as my fingers started inching closer to her panties. Reaching her underwear, I softly rubbed her cunt through the fabric.
“Uhh,” she grunted as her pussy received it’s first attention all night.
Bending down, I licked the material of her panties and could taste her pussy juice seeping through. Pulling the patch of material aside, I was greeted by the sight of a patch of light brown hair. It was trimmed into the shape of a small heart with the tip pointing directly down to her pussy.
“A heart?” I asked. “God that’s hot.”
“You like? I was playing around the other day when I was shaving and did that. I thought it looked good, and I didn’t want to shave all the way, so I kept it,” she explained.
“Anyone can do a landing strip, but a heart takes creativity,” I said, fascinated by it.
“Thanks, I… oh” she started to say, but was cut off by me suddenly slipping a finger into her cunt.
Wiggling the finger around in her snatch, I couldn’t believe how tight she was even on just my finger. Using my other hand, I spread her pussy lips apart and searched for her clit. Seeing it still shrouded by it’s hood, I used my thumb to rub it until it swelled up enough to pop free of it’s constraints.
“Uhh,” she grunted as I continued to rub her clit.
Suddenly pulling my finger out of her, I grabbed the waistband of her thong and urged her to lift her ass up. When she did, I slid it down her legs. Lifting her feet up, I slid it off over her sandals and tossed it through the door into the room.
Now that she was naked, except for the sandals, I could fully appreciate the splendor of her body. From her long tanned legs, to her flat stomach. From her perky breasts, to her adorable face. From her short black hair, to the heart shaped pubic hair. The thought suddenly occurred to me if that was what Kurt Cobain meant when he wrote ‘Heart Shaped Box.’
Shaking that last thought out of my head, I noticed that I was idly running my fingers through her soft pubic hair. Leaning my head down, I lightly licked the length of her slit and gave her clit a quick flick when I reached it. Lifting her legs up, I placed them over my shoulders to get better access to her goodies. Slipping two fingers into her hole this time, I gave her clit another flick with the tip of my tongue.
Closing her eyes, she grabbed her tits and started to tweak the nipples. Moaning at my assault on her pussy, she bit her lip to keep her moans from getting too loud.
Still unable to believe the tightness of her cunt, I worked the two fingers in and out of her in hopes of loosening her up a little. Sucking her clit into my mouth, I kept flicking it with my tongue inside my mouth to increase the stimulation. Placing my free hand on her stomach to try to keep her hips from bucking so much, I gently grated my teeth along her bud.
“Oh shit,” she moaned quietly at the manipulations I was making on her clit.
Pulling my mouth off of her so she didn’t hurt me with her wild hip bucking, I began fucking her with my fingers faster. Moving my other hand down, I collected some of her juices on the thumb before moving back up to rub her clit.
“Fuck,” she gasped as she writhed around in the recliner, still pinching her nipples with her fingers.
Seeing the object of so much of my lusting inching closer to an orgasm from my fingers had me hard as a rock. My cock was tenting the material of my boxers as it sought to break free.
Pulling my fingers out of her, I grabbed her legs and lifted them up. Motioning for her to grab a hold of her knees, I could see her pussy open up to me. When she had her knees pulled to her shoulders, I ran my tongue along the length of her slit again. This time I kept lapping at her hole while my thumb massaged her clit. My other hand had nothing to do, and it was already coated in juices from finger fucking her, so I positioned the index finger at her anus. Slowing rubbing the exterior of her asshole, I could hear her gasp at the feeling. Gently pushing the finger, it slipped in to the first knuckle.
“Gonna cum,” she managed to say, panting and gasping for air.
Working my finger even further into her ass, I kept lapping up her pussy juices. I looked up to see her arch her back as her orgasm hit her.
“Unghh,” she moaned loudly as a flood of cream hit my tongue.
Sucking it out of her like the delicacy it was, I continued to rub her clit to prolong her pleasure. I was utterly shocked when she went right into another orgasm.
Finally stopping after her second orgasm, I stood up and pulled down my boxers. Kicking off my sandals, I looked down on her as she opened her eyes. She looked so sweet laying there with the lights above casting a soft glow on her tanned skin.
“Wow,” she managed to say. “I’ve never had two in a row like that.”
As I stood and looked at her, she reached down and stared to stroke her pussy with her finger. Two orgasms, and she’s still horny enough to play with herself. Right then, I knew that I was going to have my hands full all night.
Stepping up to her, I squatted down and put my hands on the arms of the chair for support. Seeing her bite her lower lip in anticipation, I grabbed my cock and ran the tip along her slit. Finding her hole, I slipped just the head in. Already I could feel the tightness of her cunt gripping me as I started to push a little more in.
“Ooh,” she moaned as I stroked about my half my cock in and out her in hopes of loosening her up for the rest.
Wrapping her legs around my waist, she buried her heels into my ass and pulled me the rest of the way into her. Both of us moaned as I was buried to the hilt in her tight box. Taking a moment to survey the sight beneath me, I felt my chest ready to burst with pride at being able to make this beautiful woman moan from having my cock in her pussy.
“Come on and fuck me,” Mandy urged me, bringing me back to reality.
“You want to be fucked? You want to me stuff your cunt?” I asked as I started to pull out of her.
“Yeah, fuck me with that big cock. Fuck me hard,” she commanded me.
Taking her at her word, I pulled out until I could feel her opening just behind the head of my cock and then drove the whole thing back into her. Pulling back out slowly, I could feel her pussy clutching me like a second skin. Driving back in, I felt her juices squirting out as my cock displaced them. Furrowing my brow in concentration, I was amazed when I noticed that she was already starting to climb toward another orgasm.
“Oh god,” she moaned, arching her back.
“You’re cumming already? I haven’t even started fucking you yet,” I hissed at her.
“Keep… fucking… me,” she panted as she let out an almost tortured cry.
Feeling her pussy clamp down even tighter, I kept plowing into her as hard as I could. If it wasn’t for the fact that she had just given me head an hour earlier, I wouldn’t have lasted through it, but I managed to grit my teeth and ride it out. Picking up speed, I gave her cunt all it could handle, and then some. I could feel the head of my cock bumping against her cervix on each inward stroke. She didn’t seem to be complaining, so I didn’t bother adjusting my strokes to stop it.
“Oh shit,” she moaned as her fourth orgasm of the night, second from my cock, shot through her.
‘Does this girl have a setting between normal and orgasm?’ I thought to myself as I continued to fuck her. On the bright side, the added lubrication from her climaxes was allowing me to slide in and out as effortlessly as possible. Wanting to do something a little different, I pulled my cock all the way out of her.
“What…” she started to ask, feeling my withdrawal.
Picking her up out of the chair, I stood her in front of the chair facing away from me. Lifting her leg, I put it up on the seat of the chair. Kissing her neck, I reached around to fondle one of her tits with one hand. Guiding my cock into her cunt with the other hand, I felt her push herself back into me.
“Yeah,” she moaned as she leaned her back onto my shoulder.
“You like being fucked like this, slut?” I whispered into her ear as I started fucking her.
“Uh huh,” she said, nodding her head.
Turning her head, she looked me in the eye before moving her head to kiss me. As I drove my cock into her, I felt her lift off of her feet from the power of the thrust. Sliding my tongue into her mouth, she sucked on it as she continued to moan.
Tweaking a nipple with one hand, I reached the other around front and searched for her clit. Finding it, I rubbed it and was rewarded by a sharp intake of air around my tongue from her. Rubbing it harder, I broke the kiss because I could feel her already climbing towards yet another orgasm.
Feeling my own climax coming, I turned up the speed and buried my cock into her with reckless abandon. After a handful of thrusts, her body was starting to spasm as it hit the threshold of her orgasm.
“I’m cumming,” she howled.
“Me too,” I hissed. “Where do you want it?”
“Cum on my ass,” she panted as her orgasm hit her full force.
Giving one last thrust to savor the feel of her pussy clutching me in the throes of her orgasm, I pulled out. Giving my cock a couple quick jerks, I threw my head and groaned as the first shot of cum erupted out of the tip. My whole body tensed up as spurt after spurt shot out of the end of my cock to land on her ass and back.
When it was over, I looked down saw her hunched over the chair exhausted. Walking into the room, I grabbed a towel out of the bathroom and brought it back out to the balcony.
“Thanks,” she said as I handed the towel to her.
“It’s just as much my mess as it is your’s,” I said as she wiped my jizz off of her back.
As she collapsed into the chair, she patted the spot next to her and said “There’s enough room for both of us.”
“Just a minute,” I said before going back into the room. Coming back out with a blanket, I crawled onto the chair next to her. Covering both of us up, I draped an arm over her as she drifted off to sleep.