Ally McSqueal


SUMMARY: Based on last night’s Ally McBeal fantasy-filled
episode. You can still enjoy the story without having seen the
episode but you might miss some references.

I switch freely between actor and character names as the story
dictates …


“Did you see last night’s ratings?” Lucy burst into Calista’s
dressing room. “We killed Law & Order, football, everything. Two
lesbians kissing against an Everybody Loves Raymond repeat? The
other networks didn’t even try. We rule Monday nights,
Calista!” “Yes, it was an… interesting show,” Calista raised
her eyebrows, allowing
herself a little smirk. She put down the
script she was reading and gave Lucy a congratulatory hug. She
thought Lucy held the hug a little too long and clung a little
too tightly but it was after all their highest rated episode
yet. “America loves lesbians,” Calista quipped as they broke
apart. “I’ll say. Wait until you see next week’s script. We’re
going to do things no one’s ever seen on TV before. At least not
on network TV,” Lucy said excitedly and handed Calista the
script. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?” Calista exclaimed as
she flipped through the script. “This picks up from the end of
this week’s episode. Correct me if I’m wrong but haven’t we
already shot the next four episodes? As in finished, complete,
in the can?” “Yes, but you know ‘Crazy Kelley.’ He can whip up a
new script overnight. He said he had a dream about where he
wanted to take the show.” “But the expense! Four taped shows in
the trash? I can’t believe it,” Calista said, shaking her
head. “Oh, they won’t go to waste. He’s going to show them on
the half-hour Tuesday night show as sort of an alternate Ally.
He wants to start filming next week’s show today. We’re already
behind schedule. Better learn your lines quick, girl,” Lucy
grinned and waved goodbye to her co-star. “Yeah, bye,” Calista
said absent-mindedly as she started reading from page 1.

“Jane, have you read this script?” Calista demanded, cornering
the blonde actress by her trailer. “Yeah, isn’t it groovy? I get
to flesh out Elaine’s fluffer role, as it were,” Jane Krakowski
oozed. “No, it’s not groovy. The whole thing I think is sick!”
(nod to Slipknot fans if there are any out there). “Good grief,
Calista. When did you turn into such a prude?” “I’m not being
prudish, Jane. Did you even read the script?” “I read my parts,
Miss Flockhart. I can’t be expected to memorize everyone else’s
lines,” Jane said with mock haughtiness and shrugged her
shoulders. “Oh, you are a terrible liar, Jane,” Calista fumed
and stormed off. Jane cocked her head and watched Calista’s ass
as she walked away. “This is going to be fun,” Jane
murmured. “Gil! Gil!” Calista flagged down the actor who plays
her ex-lover Billy. “What did you think of the script?” she
asked, slightly out of breath from chasing him. Gil considered
the question for a moment. “I think it’s a great idea. It really
speaks to the internal conflicts your character is
having.” “Yes, but does it have to be so… graphic? I thought
we were all about innuendo.” “Well, yes, but apparently our
sponsors have expressed an interest in pushing the envelope,”
Gil explained. “Excuse me, Calista, I have to do a
scene.” “Couldn’t we just get new sponsors?” Calista shouted
after him as he hurried off.


Calista looked at the loudspeaker with barely disguised
annoyance and stalked toward the set of her office. “Ok, put the
paddle in her desk drawer,” the director motioned toward the
prop men.

“Wait a minute,” Calista exclaimed. “What paddle in whose
drawer?” “Calista, darling,” the director gushed. “Come join
us.” “Where’s David? I have to talk to him.” “David can’t be
here today. Busy banging out next week’s script or maybe a movie
or something, I don’t know,” the director said, placing a hand
on Calista’s back and moving her toward her desk. “You’ve
learned your lines?” “Yes, some of them, but this is a practical
joke, right? We can’t actually show this stuff on TV, can we?”
Calista protested. “Don’t worry about it, most of it is ad lib
anyway,” the director said, ignoring her questions. “Does
everyone have to be here for this scene?” Calista asked, noting
the grips, prop men and even the caterers lounging around,
eating donuts. “And action…” “Ally! Get on your knees when I’m
in the room.” Ally looked up to see Ling Woo standing in her
doorway in a black dress, her hair in a severe bun. She stood
with the door wide open waiting for Ally to respond. “Uh… hi,
Ling. Uhmm… what did you say?” Ally asked hesitantly. “You
heard what I said. Now do it!” Ling said angrily. Ally eyed the
open door and slowly rose from her desk. It didn’t escape her
attention that wardrobe had given her a pink dress to wear
today. The hemline was the standard outrageous length. Walking
slowly toward Ling, Ally looked at her and saw the headiness of
power and the heat of passion in her eyes. Either Lucy was an
incredible actress or she was really getting into this role. At
any rate, Calista resigned herself to finishing the scene. She
had a role in final approval of all episodes so she would discuss
the scene with David later.

Ally sunk slowly to her knees in front of Ling. In her
peripheral vision she could see Elaine looking through the
doorway from her desk. Ally shot her a dagger look to dissuade
her from peeking but Elaine stared shamelessly. “Uhm, Ling can
we shut…” “Silence! You have not been given permission to
speak,” Ling said loudly, turning more heads from the cubicles
her way. Ally jerked her head back at the admonishment and gave
Ling a look of shock. “Put your hands on your head. Clasp them
together behind your head. Interlace your fingers. Good. Now
spread your knees apart. Do it!” Ally spread her knees apart,
aware that her skirt rode up in proportion to the width of her
legs from each other. She curled her lip at her openly gaping
coworkers but they stared anyway and manoeuvred to get a better
look. “That’s the position you should assume whenever you are in
my presence,” Ling said sternly. “Say you understand.” “I
understand,” Ally said quickly. “Mistress.” “What?” “I
understand, Mistress.” “I understand, Mistress,” Ally
repeated. “I like the way the word sounds on your lips,” Ling
said, caressing Ally’s cheek. “Thank you, Mistress.” “Do you
like me, Ally?” “Yes, Mistress.” “Did you enjoy kissing
me?” “Yes, Mistress.” “Why?” Calista hadn’t had time to memorize
all her lines but the director had said it was mostly ad lib so
she did. “I liked the softness of your lips, the tenderness of
your embrace, the taste of your lipstick, Mistress,” Ally
admitted in all truthfulness. The submissive posture and the
return of the warm feelings she had had while filming the episode
combined to make her feel vulnerable and girly before her
dominatrix. “Tell me what you would do to please me if I gave
you the chance.”

Ally closed her eyes and let her secret fantasies spring up in
her mind. She licked her lips and began with a soft voice.
“First, I’d start with your feet…” “Okay, I’m bored,” Ling
said abruptly. They would edit in the sound of a screeching car
ending in a crash in post-production. “Maintain this position
for five minutes after I leave and then go back to your work.”
Ling walked out, leaving the door wide open. Ally could feel her
coworkers’ eyes on her as she knelt in her submissive pose. She
didn’t want to look at them, but she was morbidly curious to
know who all was out there. Hopefully it wasn’t Billy
or … “Fish!” Ally exclaimed as her boss came in and picked
some folders up from her desk. “Hey, Ally. Did I give you
permission to speak? Just kidding. Bygones. We go to trial in 10
minutes. Be there or beware,” Fish said brightly and tapped Ally
on the head with the folders. Ally watched Richard Fish as he
turned the corner, whistling all the while. “And the camera cuts
away to a computer-generated picture of a panting dog in Ally’s
dress. I’m also considering a harem girl costume. What do you
think, Calista?” the director furrowed his brow. “What do I
think? I think this is mondo bizarre. And humiliating. Why would
Fish act so nonchalant?” Calista complained. “That’s the beauty
of it, Calista. Ally explores her submissive side and thinks
she’s breaking new ground but her close friends don’t notice
because they’ve always knew she was that way. Meanwhile her
casual work acquaintances, the secretaries, the clerks, the copy
machine repairman are all shocked to see a distinguished lawyer
acting so bizarrely. It’s great TV!”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know. Can you see my panties on
camera when I was kneeling? I don’t want that on the
show.” “Calista, stop worrying so much. We’ll fix everything in
editing. Grab a grape or something for breakfast and watch the
other scenes,” the director grinned. “Ha-ha,” Calista said
blandly at the lame joke but smiled at him anyway. “What’s this?
What IS this?” Calista nearly screamed. “Shhh!” Lisa put her
finger to her lips. “Cage is having performance anxiety with
Nelle so Elaine is helping him out.” Calista stared at the
actress who plays her roommate Renee on the show. “And you don’t
see anything wrong with this scene?” Calista demanded to know.
Lisa snorted and looked at Calista with amusement. “Grow up,
Calista. This is Hollywood and this,” she pointed toward the
set, “this is great acting.” With wide eyes, Calista took in the
scene. The camera travels slowly along the ground, showing empty
stalls in the bathroom. In the background we hear wet smacking
noises and low groans. Finally the camera passes a pair of
feminine legs sticking out from underneath a closed stall door.
As we watch the legs cross at the ankles and we hear a Barry
White song rise up to a full crescendo. “Thank you, Elaine. I
think I’m ready for Nelle now,” John said matter-of-factly from
his seat on the toilet. “Glad to help,” Elaine said and licked
John’s shaft one more time for good luck. Elaine looked up
straight into the overhead camera and smacked her lips. “Cut!
Nice, Jane. One for the bloopers reel. Let’s try it again,” the
director shouted through his megaphone. “What happened?” Calista
tried to get a better angle but couldn’t see around the prop
stall door. “They’re just goofing around. Jane made a funny
noise, I think,” Lisa answered.

Calista shook her head. “Really, Renee, I know Billy and Georgia
did it in the stalls but oral sex? Between John and Elaine? It
doesn’t seem right.” Lisa rolled her eyes at the star of the
show and chewed on her fingernail. As the camera rolled, Elaine
took John in her mouth and began sucking on him. Between the two
actors, they had committed enough bloopers to fill a highlight
reel of their own. The director suspected many of the gaffes were
intended solely to drag out the scene and he didn’t blame Peter
at all. If he could do a sex scene, he would want Jane’s lips
wrapped around his own cock as well. Or maybe Jennifer Love
Hewitt’s sweet mouth. That would surely be the time of *his*
life. Maybe I could make a niche for myself shooting dirty
versions of all the TV shows, he thought to himself. Third Cock
From the Sun. Law and Discipline. Sabrina’s Teenage Clit,
Pokeaman, Just Blow Me, Buffy the Vampire Layer. The
possibilities were endless. Elaine’s left hand cupped John’s
balls and gently squeezed. John almost stood up in shock. She
hadn’t done that in the last take, he thought and then settled
back on the toilet. Just as he felt his come rising, Peter
reached back and flushed the toilet causing Jane to erupt in
laughter while her mouth was still stuffed full of his cock.
Peter had to admit it was not an unpleasant sensation. “I like a
fresh bowl,” he said, repeating his famous line to howls of
laughter from the set. “OK, let’s get Peter to the next set
while he’s still hard,” the director shouted. Calista’s jaw
dropped when she saw Peter emerge from the stall in only a pair
of boxers and sporting an obvious tentpole. Her eyes darted to
Jane who was wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Jane
caught Calista’s look and raised her eyebrows at her.

“Okay, please tell me they weren’t actually… Lisa?” Calista
looked around for her friend but she was nowhere to be found.
She followed the crowd to the next set which was Nelle’s office.
She could see Portia fixing her conservative business attire in
the mirror before they hauled it away. “Quiet on the set!” John
summoned his courage and knocked on Nelle’s office door. “Come
in,” he heard Nelle’s professional tone of voice from the other
side of the door. “Nelle, I need to speak to you about last
night,” John started. “Shh. It’s OK, John. I know what you were
trying to do. I think it was sweet. But next time how about a
little warning and a little slower pace with the whacks, OK,
lover?” Nelle smiled and moved closer to her boyfriend. Her hand
reached out and caressed his crotch. John squirmed under the
touch. “Oh my, you came prepared, huh, studboy?” Nelle teased
and clutched at the cock beneath his trousers. “Te..te..te..
porkchops!” “Porkchops?” Nelle said, stifling a laugh. “Yes,
porkchops. Brady Bunch. Never mind. I came to apologize for my
behaviour. I was completely out of line. I would
never…” “John, I said it’s okay. I want you to spank me.
Please spank me,” Nelle pouted, loosening her skirt and letting
it drop to the floor. John stared in wonder as Nelle undid the
bun in her hair and let it flow around her shoulders. Nelle
removed her blazer and stood before John in a half-unbuttoned
white blouse and a pair of black lace panties. “So how do
I…should I just…” John held a closed fist to his mouth as he
studied the situation. “Why don’t you have a seat, John? On this

Cage sat rigidly on the plain wooden chair as Nelle stood before
him. Nelle stared down at him as she reached around and undid
the clasps of her bra. Shrugging her shoulders, Nelle slipped
the bra through the armhole of her blouse and wrapped it around
his neck. Sitting on John’s lap facing him, Nelle proceeded to
give him a lapdance while intermittently cutting of his air
supply. John’s hands hung limply by his side as she had her way
with him. John had a raging hard on by the time Nelle slipped
off his lap. “Your turn,” Nelle whispered hoarsely as she laid
herself stomach down on John’s lap and wrapped the bra around
her own neck. John grasped the bra in his right hand and smacked
Nelle on her barely covered ass with his left. Nelle squealed
and whispered “tighter.” Closing his eyes momentarily to steel
himself, John twisted the bra to create a tighter noose and
smacked her again. Nelle gurgled but didn’t say anything this
time. John alternated the pressure on her throat and varied the
rhythm of his strokes. Feeling emboldened by her vocal cooing,
John slipped her panties down to bare her bottom. It was already
a bright shade of pink and John alternated his slaps between
cheeks, transfixed by his own handprints on her flesh. “Can they
do that? Can they show her… ass on the show like that?”
Calista said aloud to no one in particular. “Why not?” an extra
answered. “They show men’s asses on NYPD Blue all the time. Why
not Portia’s?”

“Whatever,” Calista dismissed the extra with a wave of her
hand. “I have to do another scene.” Calista turned her back on
the set just as John let Nelle up from his knee. Nelle knelt in
front of John and thanked him for the spanking. Really thanked
him. Calista was well on her way to her next scene when Peter
erupted all over Portia’s pearly white teeth. Portia played with
the cum for the camera, blowing bubbles with it and brushing her
teeth with her finger. Peter laughed and spanked her cheek with
his softening dick. Calista arrived at the lounge where the gang
often hung out after work on the show. Vonda Shepard was there
and they exchanged small talk while they waited for the rest of
the crew. Pretty much everyone on the set agreed Vonda’s singing
was grating at best but David like her so she got to stay on the
series. “OK, places everyone,” the director shouted as everyone
seemed to arrive at the same time. Ally sat at a table with
Fish, Cage, Renee, Ling and Elaine. Nelle stood nearby, leaning
against a post, watching Billy and Georgia slow dance. Ally
offered her a seat but she said she’d just as well stand, thank
you very much. “Let’s dance,” Ling said abruptly and grabbed
Ally’s elbow. Ally had little choice but to respond to the
pressure on her arm. She never noticed how strong Lucy was
before. As they took the dance floor, Ling wrapped her arms
around Ally and made her do the same. Ling’s hands explored the
shallow curves of Ally’s ass as they danced, bunching up her
skirt as she squeezed and released.

Ally leaned into Ling and let her do what she wanted. Ling’s
hands moved up her back and deftly unhooked Ally’s bra through
her blouse. Ally gasped as her bra slid down to her waist. She
didn’t remember reading this in the script. Ling’s petite hands
unbuttoned the bottom of Ally’s blouse and pulled the small
brassiere out and tossed it to the dancing twins who amused
themselves with it and incorporated it into their dance routine.
They pulled on either end of the backstraps and leaned
backwards, daring the fabric to tear. But it held their weight
and they gaily spun around in circles with it. Calista watched
with horror at this new development. Did David actually think
this was funny or even erotic? She tried to access her memory of
the last pages of the script but she found she couldn’t. She
tried to stop the scene to consult the director but everyone
ignored her and carried on with their roles. No one seemed to
care the star of the series was talking straight into the
cameras and generally trying to disrupt the shoot. Suddenly the
music stopped and the microphone screeched as Vonda tapped it
with her fingers. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special
treat. Ling Woo and her trained monkey. Let’s hear it for them!”
The nightclub broke into applause and catcalls as Ling snapped a
leash around Ally’s neck and pulled her toward the
stage. “That’s our cue,” Ling winked at her. Ally followed close
behind Ling, her hands grasping at the choker, trying to relieve
the pressure. Ling sat on a tall barstool that had been set on
the stage and told Ally to assume the position.

Ally looked around at her audience. Billy and Georgia exchanged
baby kisses as they watched her from the corners of their eyes.
Elaine grabbed a table knife and was busy spreading butter on
her hand. Ally watched as she dropped her hand under the table.
A few seconds later Fish let out a surprised grunt and then a
slow smile spread over his face as he scooted closer to the
table. Elaine’s face was the picture of innocence as she used
her other hand to brush her hair back. Nelle had taken a seat on
John’s lap as she let his hands roam freely over her breasts,
over and under her blouse. Ling struck Ally on her left breast
with a riding crop to get her attention. Ally instinctively
covered her breast with her hand to protect it and tried to
massage the sting away. Where had she gotten that thing, Ally
wondered. “The position, Ally!” Ling said sharply. “Yes,
Mistress,” Ally responded without thinking and the crowd erupted
in laughter. Ally sank to her knees and raised her arms,
settling herself into the position she was required to assume.
Things were moving too fast for Calista and she didn’t know how
to stop them. A sharp crack of the crop on her right breast got
Ally’s attention again and she willed herself not to lower her
arms. The whole cast has gone insane, she finally concluded.
They’ve gone insane and taken me prisoner. “It’s time you showed
the world your devotion to the Dragon Lady. Put your hands
behind your back and keep them there,” Ling ordered. Ally did as
she was told as Ling unbuttoned and removed her black leather
pants. She wore no lingerie beneath and Ally could see she was
not shaved completely but was definitely very well-groomed. Ling
sat on the barstool again, raising her left knee and letting her
right leg extend fully to give the appreciative crowd the full

“Ally?” The word came out as a question but Ally caught the
implied order underneath. Shuffling forward on her knees, Ally
closed her eyes and tentatively stuck out her tongue. The tip of
her tongue encountered the warm smooth skin of Ling’s thigh and
she let it wander until it encountered the short silky hairs.
Still afraid to open her eyes, Ally plunged her tongue into
Ling’s intimate folds and worked her tongue around the sides.
Ally noted she tasted sweet as if she had added perfume of some
sort. Aside from the humiliation of everyone watching, she
decided it wasn’t all bad and let her lips press up against the
Asian mound. Her nose rubbed against Ling’s lower belly as she
lapped at Ling’s moistness. From out of seemingly nowhere the
crowd started into a rendition of Weird Al’s Michael Jackson
parody: “Eat it, eat it; Don’t you make me repeat it.” Ling
pulled back Ally’s hair so the camera could get a good closeup
of her pink tongue merging with the pinkness of Ling’s own
insides. Ling ordered Ally to keep her eyes open and look her in
the eye. Ling slapped Ally’s face with short crisp blows as she
suckled. She tried to keep her eyes open but instinctively shut
them just before Ling’s hand landed on her cheek.

Ling’s head was thrown back now and Ally dared to look into the
audience again from the corner of her eye while her tongue slid
and twisted its way over Ling’s slick walls. Elaine had both
fists pumping out in the open on Richard and Billy. Georgia
knelt next to Billy’s chair and licked at his balls. Elaine’s
fast-moving hand sometimes caught Georgia on the nose but she
was a trooper and kept at it. John had removed his belt and was
whipping Nelle with it as she clutched a support beam with both
hands. Her tears flowed freely but she didn’t make a peep out of
respect for the people trying the watch the show on stage. Ally
searched the crowd for Renee but couldn’t find her. “Looking for
me, bitch?” Ally heard Renee’s voice right next to her ear.
Surprised by the nearness of the voice, Ally’s head jerked up
but Ling’s strong hands guided her back to her task. Ling held
Ally’s head in place as she got off the stool and laid on her
back on the stage. Ling spread her legs wide to accommodate Ally
as she pushed on the back of her head and ground Ally’s face
into her pussy. Ally heard the zipper on the back of her skirt
and she dutifully lifted each knee as the skirt was pulled off
her, followed by her panties. Ally found herself on her hands
and knees with her ass in the air as she bent forward to
administer to Ling’s needs. She was aware of cheering and
hooting from the crowd but the sudden coolness of gel being
smeared into her ass by a pair of fingers was the only warning
she had that Renee had donned a strap-on and fully intended to
take her from behind. “Here comes the pain,” Renee whispered
into Ally’s ear and plunged forward.

Ling wrapped her fingers into Ally’s hair and pulled her face
down and forward into her cunt, effectively muffling her
screams. Renee pumped into Ally furiously, spanking her ass in
time with the music as Vonda struck up the band and played her
theme song. It was all Ally could do to maintain her balance as
Renee plowed into her from behind and Ling resumed her
bitchslapping. Ally thought she heard the director’s voice in
the background through the ringing in her ears and suddenly
everyone shifted positions. Ling sat up on her knees and pulled
Ally to her knees as well. Ling thrust her head forward and
planted a full kiss on Ally’s mouth. Ally struggled briefly at
the invasion and then began kissing Ling back. As the two women
embraced, Renee stood next to them facing the crowd and squeezed
a bulb attached to her strap-on. Thick gooey strands of fake cum
spurted from the head of the latex cock and landed on Ally’s
shoulder. Renee redirected the stream and pumped at the bulb
madly as she covered both women’s faces with the sticky white
substance. Ling clutched Ally’s head, ensuring they wouldn’t
break their embrace until Renee had finished. Ally felt the goo
slide over her nose and some worked its way between their
mouths. She and Ling shared the same few ounces of white slime
between them, rolling it around and then pushing it with their
tongues into the other’s mouth. It had a more consistent
structure than normal sperm and they were able to keep it going
for over a minute before Ally accidentally swallowed it. They
finally broke off their kiss and looked toward the audience. The
flashes nearly blinded Ally as everyone seemed to have brought
their still cameras to the set. Ling bent forward and licked a
glop of fabricated cum from Ally’s cheek, causing a renewed
frenzy of picture-taking. Ally smiled for no reason on earth
other than she had been taught from infancy to smile pretty for
the camera.

Renee helped Ally wipe off her face with a towel while the video
cameras swung around to catch Elaine taking both men in her
mouth at once and then spitting the deposited cum into Georgia’s
face. Nelle screamed in agony as John fucked her ass and beat
her with a metal spatula he had grabbed from a caterer. He
jerked out and came all over Nelle’s abused behind. Nelle
reached back and massaged the cool cream into her skin, hoping
it would quell the burning. “Congratulations, Calista. You made
your first porno.” “David! Have you been here all along? Did you
set this up?” Calista questioned the producer, not knowing what
to think at this point. “Well, I have to admit, I got some help
from your castmates here,” David waved his arms to indicate the
small group of actors who had taken the stage. “We always wanted
to make a dirty “Ally McBeal” episode for our own private
collections but we figured you would be too uptight about it,”
Courtney explained. “So we had to trick you. Jane assured us you
would come around eventually and I dare say you did.” “Well, the
thing with Lucy was fun. I could have done without the ass-
fucking, though,” Calista groaned and rubbed her butt. “Oh come
on, Calista. You know you love the penis,” Lisa prodded. “Okay,
I do,” Calista finally admitted with a shy half-smile. “Say it,”
Lisa said in a sing-song voice. “Say you love the penis.”
Calista scanned the faces of her friends. “I love the penis,”
she finally declared with a smirk to a standing ovation from the

So each cast member ended up with a videotape of the day
affectionately titled “Ally McSqueal” for their home library.
There were only supposed to be 10 copies made but you know how
that goes. Chances are a few months from now everyone and their
little brother will have their own bootlegged copy to enjoy in
the privacy of their own home.

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