(M/F) Celebrity Limo: Angelina Jolie
She makes cocks "Gone in 60 Seconds"
By: Kat Jones
Lorenzo flipped me his keys before he leaves for his latest modeling job
in Baja. He said, "Don’t let that prick, Rudy, know I let you take my
rides." I need the extra cash and Lorenzo knows his boss wouldn’t have
given me a job. My name is Paul. I’m a cartoon animator, just in from the
East. ‘Renz and I go back a long way. I haven’t been able to land a job
yet and he’s let me sleep in his extra room ’til I get
on my feet. He’s
Before he left, he gave me a list of his weekend pickups. It was short,
but very sweet. He was driving for two soap actresses, seems they were
getting "married." The whole town knows they’re dykes, and he told me that
if anyone calls (meaning: The Press), just tell them I didn’t know
anything. I scan down the list and see that Ricky Martin is a Sunday
pickup. ‘Renz says he’s always got a bunch of hotties with him who will
screw anyone if they don’t score with Ricky. I kind of look forward to
that one. There are a bunch of others, mostly starlets and producers. My
friend says they all tip well, so I’m not complaining. Then the phone
rings. It’s the prick, Lorenzo’s boss.
"Where the fuck is he?"
"I don’t keep track of him, but I will give him any messages. He checks in
He pauses. "Tell him to get his spaghetti ass off that bitch he’s fucking
and get to Brentwood! Here’s the address. He needs to haul ass now!"
I take down the address. I’m still new to this whole LA scene, so I grab
my Palm Pilot that I’ve loaded all the area maps into. I pull it out and
look up the street. I get dressed quickly into my makeshift uniform. It’s
a little tight in the chest. Lorenzo is pretty fit, and so am I, but my
chest is about an inch bigger. I skip the tie and put on the hat. It’s
official, I look like a fucking bus driver.
I’m in Brentwood about half an hour later. LA traffic is the worst. I used
to live in DC, if I ever go back, I will never complain about it again. I
pull up to the address, it’s almost ten on a Friday night. I don’t
remember Lorenzo saying what kind of protocol to follow. Then I remember
the limo driver from the O.J. Simpson case. He went to the door. I get out
of the car and head up to the very nice house. I am wondering who could
live in such a place. It’s nice, but it would be better if it were on the
water. Just as I’m about to knock, the door opens.
"Where the fuck have you been?"
I am standing face to face with Angelina Jolie. This place looks way to
suburban for a chick like her. I reserve that comment and begin to
apologize. "The traffic here is.."
"Yeah, yeah. Could you just take my bags? I want to get the hell out of
here before that fucker comes back." She throws two large duffel bags at
me and slams the door behind her. I’m wondering if the "fucker" she is
talking about is her new husband, Billy Bob Thornton. I don’t ask. I take
her things and head to the car. I set them down as I open the back door
for her. She’s wearing a black dress that’s see-through. I can see her
great tits through the front of it. I don’t think she’s wearing any
I drop her stuff in the back of the trunk and slam it shut. I get back
into the drivers seat and pull out my Palm Pilot. "Where we headed, Miss
"Anywhere. I don’t care."
"Could you be more specific, I’m kind of new to this place."
"Oh, my God. You’re not Lorenzo. Rudy fucking promised me Lorenzo. Where
is he and who are you?" I think she might be a little nervous. I suppose a
lot stars are nervous when things are a little out of place.
"He couldn’t make it. I hope it’s okay, I’m his best friend."
"Paul?" I’m shocked she knows my name.
"Uh, yeah. How did you know?"
"Fucking, ‘Renz. He talks about you non-stop. He says you draw cartoons or
I feel a little better. "Well, I guess he’s saying good things. I still
don’t know where to take you?"
"I want to go to the beach. When I’m this pissed off, I need to be near
the water. There’s a great place near Monterey. Do you know how to get
I’m a little nervous to tell her that I’ll have to look it up in Palm
Pilot. I don’t want to come off as some kind of nerd. Then I realize that
she probably doesn’t care. "Well, you’ve got two choices. I can either
look it up on my Palm Pilot, here, or you can tell me how to get there. I
haven’t been in LA long."
Her face softens. "Oh, look at me, Miss Bitch Thing. I’m sorry. You’re a
friend of ‘Renz. Tell you what. I will tell you how to get there. When we
get there, you’ll let me buy you a drink. Deal?"
"Sounds good to me." Of course it sounds good to me. How many guys score a
conversation with this girl, let alone a drink? I’d take her to the moon
for that. I’m not sure how we’d get there, though.
We talk all the way there. She tells me that Lorenzo is her preferred
driver at the limo company, but she’d heard so many things about me and
‘Renz growing up together that she felt as though she already knew me.
Before I could ask if they’d ever fucked, she said "no." I felt better.
She was pretty pissed off with her husband, Billy Bob. It seems he’d been
seeing his ex-girlfriend, Laura Dern, behind her back. She caught them in
bed together a day before and threw him out. He’d threatened to come back
to their house, so she decided to leave. I swore to protect her.
"I feel like fucking Whitney Houston and Kevin whats-his-name in that
movie, ‘The Bodyguard.’" She was laughing sweetly, a good sign. Then she
starts singing, "I will always love you." It’s the song from the movie.
She has a great voice. Coming from those magnificent lips, it sounds even
"Well, Miss Jolie, if you ever give up winning Oscars, you should
definitely take up singing." I can see by her pearly whites, I’ve won
another point with her.
As we pull up to the beach parking lot, it’s late. A full moon hangs over
the ocean which kind of glows and sparkles under the light. She rolls down
the window. "You know, I would just love to take off all my clothes and
fuck right on the beach, you know?"
I get a little sweaty under the collar. "Well, it’s a free country. But I
don’t think the beach patrol would be too happy with you."
"Paul, I don’t want to fuck the beach patrol. I want to fuck you. Now come
on. I’ve got a blanket in one of my bags and you’ve got a bottle of
champagne in the bar. Let’s go for it!"
I am imagining the possibilities. I would be happy to have something this
great make the papers with our pictures everywhere. But I also don’t think
I want her to go to jail or have her husband, "Mr. Slingblade," coming
after me for fucking his new bride. Still, I’ve got a wicked erection that
I’ve had since I first saw her face. It would be nice to let it out and
let it ride. "Where’ that blanket?"
I find the blanket in her bag and she grabs the champagne, no glasses,
just the bottle. We run down the hillside to the glowing water and the
sand is still warm from the day. I spread the blanket while she tries to
uncork the champagne. She hands it to me, "Here. Take it, I forgot
She runs up to the car and gets a small bag. Looks like the little one she
had on her shoulder earlier. She smiles when she returns. "Gotta be safe,
We each take a swig of the champagne, then she pulls the dress over her
head. She’s completely bare-ass naked under it all. Her breasts are so
heavy and round with the pinkest nipples I’ve ever seen. Her hips curve
nicely around to her sexy, soft ass. I grab it as I kiss her on those
gorgeous lips. She starts to undress me, pants first. Her hand is wrapped
around my dick as she pulls my pants down with the other hand. Before I
can say or do anything, she’s got her lips wrapped around my thick
hard-on. I lose balance a little as she starts to suck it with such vigor.
I look down to see a devilish glint in her eyes as she takes me in so
deeply that I wonder if she’s ever done a porno.
She takes my cock in and out of her mouth, sucking just the tip like a
chocolate ice cream cone on a hot day. She smiles and laughs then plunges
it back into her throat really deep again. I feel waves of pleasure run up
my body and as I start to fuck her in the face. She starts humming as I
come to the brink of it all. I think she’s humming that Whitney Houston
song. She takes a finger and licks it as she continues to suck me, then
she takes it out her mouth and slides it up my ass. She pushes it in
deeper and deeper until I’m almost ready to come. The she pulls it out. "I
want you to eat me now."
I can hold my orgasm a while longer. She lays back onto the blue blanket
and I open her legs to find her clit. It’s not hard to find. It’s so big,
it’s practically a little cock. I’m not surprised. Her pussy lips are wet
and hot as I lick my way up to the top and begin sucking her "cockette."
I’ve never heard a woman squeal so much. She breathes heavy and
rhythmically. I continue to suck and lick her until she starts pushing
herself into my face. She lets out a loud "Oh" and I keep going. She comes
another six times. Then I tell her, "I want to fuck you now."
She reaches into her bag and gets out a box of condoms. Instead of handing
me one, she bites the package open, takes the lubed rubber from inside and
puts it on me. Then she gets on her knees with her ass high in the air. I
start to enter her pussy, but she says, "The other hole."
Not one to ask a lot of questions, I check her ass to make sure she’s
ready. I stick my spit covered finger into her pretty little asshole. She
lets out an "ah" and starts to push against my finger. I know she’s ready.
I take my anxious cock and stick it in her really slow at first. I let her
lead the way. Soon she’s taking me in completely. I can feel her tight
little ass suck me into her. She pushes her ass back against me and before
long, she’s fucking me! I hold out for a while and then the pressure
explodes as I fill the condom and pull her ass as close to me as possible.
We both fall down into the blanket.