Celebs Meet CSSA #24 – Liz Phair

Not to be read by anyone under 18, unless your a hot chick.

In which case my address is:

6669 NE 89th St.

Denver, CO (not really, but you can still drop by and see who lives there if you want)

The following is completely fictional. Any resemblance to reality is entirely coincidental. Contents of this story are merely creative license, not unlike a TV show or movie that uses real people in fictional settings and situations. However, if you do have video or pictures of events similar to the ones described below, feel free to forward them to me for closer examination. Feedback, comments, praise, criticism,
death threats, nude photos, etc. can be sent to voodoojoe2000 at yahoo dot com (if you can’t figure out how to turn that into an e-mail address, then you shouldn’t be sending me feedback anyway).

For personal use only. Feel free to distribute to friends, enemies, lovers, hopeful lovers, whatever, just keep my name and e-mail address on the story or I shall hunt you down and make you write the whole damn thing out by hand.

Once again, it is pure fiction. Nothing more than the deluded fantasies of a lonely guy with a little too much time on his hands. If it were true, I’d sell the story to the Enquirer and move some place that doesn’t have two seasons: the rainy season and July.

This is my third entry into the Celebs Meet CSSA series following my entries with Avril Lavigne and Elisha Cuthbert. Both Avril and Elisha return for this installment, along with the addition of the longest tenured member of the voodoojoe lusfest, Liz Phair.

TRL complained slightly about AC/DC being on during the sex scene of the Elisha chapter, so I scored one of the scenes in this one just for him. The music flies pretty fast, and has a tendency to skew towards the hard rock, but hopefully it fits the story enough that it doesn’t seem like I’m just throwing my favorites out there constantly.

The codes for this little piece of celeb erotica are (MF, FF, cons, oral, anal), so you’ve been warned in advance if any of it offends you. If you dislike lesbians or lesbianistic activities, then please leave now. If you don’t like the fact that women can and should derive pleasure from something other than a guy’s schlong every now and then, then get the fuck out now before I have someone shoot you in the head for being a close minded idiot.

“She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean. She was the best damn woman I had ever seen. She had the sightless eyes, telling me no lies. Knockin’ me out with those American thighs. Taking more than her share, had me fighting for air. She told me to come but I was already there. The earth was quaking, my mind was aching, and we were making it and you shook me all night long.” – AC/DC ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’

Celebs Meet CSSA – Liz Phair

by voodoojoe

Friday, September 26, 2003:

“Hey there,” Elisha said when I stepped off the plane.

“I didn’t know you were picking me up,” I said, smiling at seeing her. I had just landed in LA, and had been about to call a cab to take me to a hotel.

Elisha had made sure I’d be in town for Avril’s birthday by buying me a first class plane ticket. I’d flown before, but first class was far beyond anything I’d experienced on an airplane. I actually had leg room, which is important when you’re on the tall end of the spectrum. I’m not a giant, but my legs are long enough that my knees tend to bump against things like the backs of seats. They even had drink service on the flight even though it was only a short flight. I’m not a drinker, but I had a beer to calm my nerves at the thought of possibly meeting the biggest idol that I’ve ever had in my 25 years on planet Earth, Liz Phair.

Other than that, the flight from Portland had been rather uneventful. I did get to meet Keanu Reeves on the plane, however. He had been in Portland scouting locations for a movie and happened to be on my flight back to LA. I hadn’t noticed him at first, seeing as how he was sitting several rows behind me, but the crowd surrounding him soon signaled the presence of someone more important than the average passenger on board.

By the end of the flight, I had actually worked up the nerve to talk to him for a little bit. He didn’t seem to be the simpleton that everyone portrayed him as, but he didn’t exactly sound like a brain surgeon either. It’s hard to accurately gauge someone’s IQ by talking to them for a couple minutes, so he very well might be an idiot who happened to find a trade where good looks and the ability to read are the only requirements.

“Today was script day, so I just had to pick up my scripts this morning. I came to get you because I couldn’t let my birthday present for Avril wander the streets of LA by himself,” she said.

As I spread my arms, she stepped into them and gave me a hug. I could smell what was probably fruit scented lotion or body wash on her as the hug lingered. When she stepped back, I was finally able to let my eyes take her all in. She stood there in casual clothes, a light green shirt that had ridden up during the hug to show off her lower stomach and matching skirt that came down to just below mid-thigh. All in all, it presented a very pleasant image to a guy who had just spent an hour with a very average flight attendant as the best eye candy for the last several hours.

“Well you’re certainly better looking than any cab driver I might have been stuck with,” I said, turning my head just in time to see her blush a little at the compliment. Hooking her arm in mine, she lead me toward the front door of the airport as I asked “So, where am I staying?”

“My place,” she answered, smiling. Pointing at the bag I was carrying, she asked “Is that all you brought, or do we need to claim some baggage?”

“I pack light, so this is all,” I said. “I’m only going to be here a couple days, so I only brought a couple changes of clothes, some CDs, a toothbrush, deodorant. You know, the necessities.”

Looking at the silver watch she wore on her wrist, she said “Then lets get out of here. It’s almost 9 PM and I’m sure you want to get some sleep after your flight.”

When she said that, I instinctively yawned and said “Yeah, it’s been a long day with work, then the flight and the excitement of it all. Of going to LA to spend the weekend with two or more objects of my fantasies.”

“I think you might get even more than you realize,” she said knowingly.

“What do you mean ‘I might get even more’? Who am I going to meet?” I pressed.

“I’m not telling,” she said, smirking at me.

“You’re evil, you know that? Now I’m not going to be able to sleep because my mind is going to be going through possibilities for who I might get to meet this weekend,” I sneered at her.

“You being awake gives me an excuse to fuck you silly,” she said, the smirk on her face growing even wider,

“I may have to hook myself up to a caffeine IV then,” I said. When she stared at me blankly, I explained “You know, needle in the arm that delivers liquids directly into the blood stream. Putting caffeine in would keep me wired for days.”

“Why’d you end the relationship between me and Richie in the last chapter of ‘Adventures In Radio’? What do you have planned for him anyway?” She asked, pulling her keys out of her purse.

“I’m not telling,” I said, taking my chance to return the smirk.

“I’ll get it out of you,” she warned, her eyes gleaming as the gears in her head started turning while she worked out a plan to weasel the information out of me.

“I’m sure you will, but I should at least make you work for it,” I said when we reached her car.

Opening her car door, she stuck her tongue out at me as she climbed in. I stood there for a second marveling at how a hot chick behind the wheel of a nice car always makes everything seem even better than it would normally be before I opened the passenger side door and got in.

“You know, you really shouldn’t stick your tongue out unless you plan on using it,” I said idly as she pulled out of the parking spot.

“Who said I wasn’t going to use it?” She asked coolly, not taking her eyes off the road.

“Touché,” I said as I flipped on the radio. Immediately the car was filled with the sounds of ‘Eleanor Rigby’ as the Beatles came on.

“Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been. Lives in a dream, waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door. Who is it for?” Elisha sang quietly to herself as she listened to the song.

“After your dance on Craig Kilborn’s desk while singing LL Cool J, I wouldn’t have pegged you for a classic rock nut,” I said, watching as she got more into the song.

“Everyone love the Beatles,” she said matter of factly.

“I know, but I would’ve guessed we’d be listening to the latest 50 Cent or something right now instead of the Beatles,” I said.

“I’ve got it if you want to listen to it,” she offered. “I just thought that you’d rather listen to classic rock. After all, you were the one putting AC/DC on the stereo the last time.”

Opening my bag, I flipped through my CDs until I found the one I was after. Popping it in the CD player, I asked “This one?”

When ‘It’s A Long Way To The Top’ came on, she started giggling and said “That’s one. I’ve heard it on the radio a couple times now and it brings pleasant memories to mind.”

“You’re telling me. I can’t hear it without picturing you grinding yourself against me. Good thing I don’t get to listen to the rock station at work or I’d wind up sitting at my desk trying to cover myself with a book or something,” I said.

“What’s on the rest of the CD? I got to hear most of it, but my mind was busy with other things so I didn’t get to really listen,” she said, turning it up until the windows were literally shaking.

“The only way to listen to AC/DC,” I said, nodding my head as my ears were assaulted with the music.

“What?” Elisha hollered over the music, turning to her head to look at me.

Shaking my head, I mouthed the word ‘nothing’ to her to tell her that it wasn’t important. By the time the bagpipes kicked in, I was too lost in the delirium of a rock stupor to pay attention to where we were going.

“Hey,” I yelled when the music stopped.

“We’re here,” she said, turning off the car.

“Nice house,” I said, pulling my CD out of the stereo, getting out of the car, and seeing a modest house. Or at least as much of it as I could see in the moonlight. It was modest by LA standards where anything less than a 30 bedroom mansion is small, but it was huge compared to what I was expecting.

“Thanks. It’s not much for LA, but it’s more than I really need,” she said as we climbed the steps to the front door. Opening the front door, she said “I guess it’s my turn to feel like I’m on ‘Cribs’ while I show you around.”

“At least your place is bigger than the bar in Tommy Lee’s basement recording studio,” I said coyly.

“You watch ‘Cribs’ too much, you know,” she said, smiling. “Anyway, this is the living room. The TV and stereo is over there. I have an X-Box, but I suck so I don’t play it much.”

“I have a short attention span, so I never play a video game enough to actually finish. That’s why I learned not to waste my money on them. I never get my money’s worth, so I stick the original Nintendo. Not the Nintendo 64, or even the Super Nintendo, but the original 8-bit hunk of garbage that gave us The Legend of Zelda and Mega-Man,” I said as she led me into another room.

“This is the guest room. You can stay here if you want, but I think you’d rather stay in my room,” she said, cocking her head slightly to the side as she looked at me.

“But where are you going to sleep if I sleep in your room?” I asked with fake innocence.

“It’s my house, I’ll sleep wherever I want,” she answered. Leading me down a hallway, she pointed at a closed door and said “There’s a bathroom through there, and over here is the kitchen.”

“Got anything to drink?” I asked, opening the refrigerator. Grabbing a bottle of Gatorade out, I opened it up.

“Thanks,” she said, snatching the bottle out of my hands. “This kind is my favorite.”

Looking at my now empty hand, I grabbed another bottle of Gatorade out of the fridge and said “No problem, I wasn’t going to drink that one anyway.”

Taking a drink, she led me across the kitchen to the back door and said “Out there’s the pool and a great view of the beach. Too bad it’s dark outside or you’d be able to see it.”

“I’ll have to take a closer look tomorrow then. Besides, the view’s better from where I’m standing anyway,” I said, looking at her.

Blushing at my cheesy line, she brushed the hair out of her face and said “You’re working harder to get me into bed than you have to.”

“Sorry, force of habit,” I apologized.

“Don’t be sorry. A woman can never get too many compliments,” she said, waving off my apology. Leading me back down the hallway, she went to the end, opened the door that was there, and said “And this is my bedroom. It’s been inactive for a couple months, but it has seen some action.”

“My bedroom still hasn’t seen any action in months. Even when you were there, the action took place everywhere but the bedroom,” I said, seeing a devilish grin cross her face at the reminder.

“I didn’t even get to see the city because you kept mauling me every time I tried to get dressed,” she said, poking me in the chest.

“I don’t remember you telling me ‘no’ at any point. I remember you screaming ‘yes’ a lot, and even the occasional ‘oh god,’ but not one ‘no’ during any of my maulings,” I reminded her.

“That’s a lie and you know it. I’m a moaner, not a screamer,” she pointed out, taking another drink from her Gatorade bottle.

“Sorry, you moaned ‘yes’ and ‘oh god’ instead of screaming them. You still didn’t say ‘no’ though,” I corrected myself.

“That’s better. I’m sure you’re tired after your flight, so you should decide where you want to sleep pretty quickly,” she said.

“I’ll sleep in the guest room if you want. I’d rather sleep with you, but I’m fine wherever you want to stick me,” I shrugged, suddenly yawning at the mention of my being tired.

“Then it’s settled. You’re sleeping in here with me,” she said, taking my bag away from me and setting it on the bed. “The bathroom’s right through that door if you need it. I’m going to make sure everything’s turned off.”

“I’ll probably already be in bed by the time you get back,” I said, kicking off my shoes.

Unbuttoning my shorts, I dropped them down my legs. Stepping one foot out of them, I used the other one to lift them up to where I could grab them without having to bend down. Pulling off my shirt, I sat down on the edge of the bed to pull off my socks. Down to my boxers, I tucked my dirty clothes into the side pouch of my bag and set it on a chair next to the bed.

“Everything’s turned off,” Elisha said, closing the door behind her when she was in the room.

Sliding under the covers, I looked up just in time to see Elisha pull her shirt off over her head. I’d already seen her naked, but the image was still erotic enough to make my mouth go dry. Then reached behind her to unzip the skirt and let it fall to the floor. She stood in front of me in a black bra and matching thong.

“You’re not helping me sleep by getting naked in front of me like that,” I joked.

“That’s the point,” she said, winking at me as she reached behind her to unhook her bra. As further proof that she was teasing me, she turned around and pulled the bra off. Covering her breasts up with one arm, she turned around and let the bra fall to the floor.

“What CDs did you bring?” She asked, walking over to the chair where my bag was sitting, still covering her breasts with her arm.

“Some AC/DC, White Stripes, Liz Phair, the usual,” I answered as she opened my bag.

“What’s with the silver guy on the surfboard?” She asked, holding up one of the CDs.

“That’s Joe Satriani’s Surfing With The Alien album. He does guitar based instrumentals. Think of him as classical music for the rock fan. Put it on, maybe you’ll like it,” I told her.

“Why not?” She asked rhetorically, crossing the room to the stereo. Putting it in, she hit play and after a couple seconds of dead air, the room was filled with Satriani’s masterful guitar work.

“Satriani was a guitar teacher before he hit it big,” I informed her as she listened intently to the music.

“That’s nice,” she said, not really paying attention to me.

When she got close enough to me, I reached out and grabbed her, pulling her onto the bed on top of me. She squealed loudly and writhed around on the bed trying to get away, but I held firm.

“I was trying to listen to the song,” she said, rolling over onto her stomach and stretching out on top of me.

“No, you were teasing me again,” I said.

“I was listening to the song too. I can tease and listen at the same time,” she said, pushing out her bottom lip in a pout.

“Whenever I pouted like that my mom would always sing ‘birdie gonna sit on your lip, sit on your lip,’ and then touch my lip like it was a bird actually landing on it. It was stupid, but you can’t help but smile and laugh when someone’s making an ass out of themselves like that,” I said, seeing her break into a smile at the thought. “My dad would just smack in the back of the head and tell me to mow the lawn or something. That’s why I stopped frowning in front of him. It just meant more yard work that I didn’t want to do. I’m so abused I tell ya.”

“Aww,” she said, pulling herself far enough up my body to give me a quick kiss.

“Or there’s the fact that my dad had a temper that makes dynamite look tame and a fuse that was virtually non-existent,” I lied, trying to get more sympathy.

“Poor baby,” she said, giving me another, longer kiss.

“I like your idea of psychology. I tell you my problems and you give me a kiss instead of telling me how to fix them. And you’re not charging me by the hour to do it either,” I said. “I’d almost like to see what you’d do to help me with the issues that developed after I was sexually abused.”

“Oh my god, really?” She asked, shocked.

“No, I’ve always been a willing participant in my sexual abuses. I especially liked the time I was molested in the bathroom at work by the hot secretary that looked a little like Faith Hill,” I said.

“Is it really abuse if you were willing?” She asked, not quite getting my joke.

Sighing loudly, I said “Never mind, just shut up and kiss me.”

“No,” she said defiantly.

“Oh yeah?” I asked, rolling over so that I was top of her.

“I said no,” she repeated, turning her head as I leaned down to kiss her.

“Fine, then I guess I’m going to sleep,” I said, rolling back over and pulling the covers back over me.

“Good night then,” she said, getting up to turn off the light.

As ‘Ice 9’ was coming to a close on the stereo, I felt Elisha slide into bed next to me. When the opening riff to ‘Crushing Day’ started, Elisha draped her arm over me and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked, rolling over to face her. I could see her face framed by her blond hair in the moonlight drifting in through the skylights set in the ceiling.

“Is it working?” She asked, a smirk evident in the pale light as she used her finger to trace her way down the middle of my chest to my stomach.

“Keep going any lower with that hand and you’ll see just how well it’s working,” I answered her, returning her smirk.

“Lets just see then,” she said, continuing until her finger met the top of my pubic hair. Pulling down my boxers, she grabbed hold of my rapidly hardening cock and said “Look what I found.”

Reflexively moaning at her touch, my eyes closed as she started to stroke my cock. When something wet touched my dick, my eyes bolted open. Not seeing Elisha, I looked down to see a lump under the covers as her tongue licked the length of my cock. Tossing the sheets aside, I could make out her head as she took me into her mouth.

“Uhh,” I groaned as my cock head passed her lips and into her mouth.

Stroking the shaft with one hand, she swirled her tongue around the head. With her free hand, she massaged my balls as she worked more of the shaft into her mouth. Tilting her head back slightly, the head of my cock rubbed against the roof of her mouth while her tongue caressed the shaft.

Grabbing the back of her head, I held her head still as I thrust my hips, fucking her mouth. In the dim light, I could see one of her hands sliding down her stomach to her underwear. As I watched her hand move under her panties, I took the initiative and fucked her mouth harder. With every thrust, I felt my cock bump against the back of her throat. Not feeling her gag reflexes kick in, I pushed her down further onto my cock. My cock slowly made it’s way into her throat as her hand moved even faster on her pussy.

“You like this?” I asked her.

She tried to nod, but my hands held her head tightly in place. Instead, she made some guttural noise around my cock that I couldn’t understand, but I took to mean ‘yes.’

“Do you like having your mouth fucked?” I asked, getting another gurgle of noise around my cock. Feeling her start to gag as she tried to speak, I let go of her head so she could pull up and get some air.

As ‘Always With Me, Always With You’ came on the stereo, she slid up my body until her chest was pushed against mine. Her nipples were hard as rocks and pressed into me as I ran my hands through her hair. I could feel the heat emanating from her pussy through her panties onto my cock.

Sitting up on top of me, her chest jutted out as she threw her head back to get her hair out of the way. Reaching down, she ran her fingertips along my cock as it laid pinned between out bodies. Locking eyes with me, she rotated her hips, rubbing her panty covered crotch against me.

Lifting my arms up, I grabbed hold of a breast with each hand. Lightly squeezing them, I was rewarded with a low moan from Elisha. Trapping her nipples between my fingers, I tugged on them gently, eliciting a sharp intake of air from above. Sitting up, I brought one of her nipples to mouth.

Pushing me back down, she leaned down over me as she reached into a drawer in the table next to the bed. Pulling out a condom, she asked “Do you mind?”

“Like I’m going to say no,” I said.

“Good,” she said, bringing the package to her mouth. Tearing the wrapper with her teeth, she pulled the condom out and slid back down my body. Grabbing my cock, she unrolled the condom over the head and down the shaft.

Standing up, she quickly pulled off her thong before throwing her leg back over me. Straddling my waist, she grabbed my hands and put them on her hips. Lifting herself up, she grabbed my cock again and lined it up with the opening of her pussy. She ran it along the length of her slit a couple before finally sinking down on it.

Just as she bottomed out on top of me, I could hear the start of ‘Satch Boogie’ playing on the stereo. My mind started making a mental note as to just how great it was to be fucking Elisha Cuthbert with Satriani playing, but all thought went out the window once Elisha started riding me.

“Uh, yeah,” Elisha groaned as she brought herself back down onto my cock.

She settled into a nice slow rhythm as she fucked me. I was glad for it, because I was sure that I wouldn’t have lasted very long if she had just launched into a fast paced grudge fuck. As it was, I was still pretty sure that I’d be getting off before she did.

Slipping my hand down to her pussy, I found her clit. It was already hard and rubbing on my cock with each of her thrusts. Pressing against it with my thumb, I pushed it down so that it made more contact.

As she started to pick up speed, I could feel more of her juices running down my cock to coat my balls. Grabbing her hips with both hands, I rolled her over onto her back. When her legs locked around my waist, I put my hands on the bed on either side of her and started fucking her for all I was worth.

“I’m cumming,” she moaned into my ear as her body went rigid with her climax.

“Cum on my cock,” I hissed, feeling my own orgasm overtaking me. Pulling out of her, I pulled off the condom and asked “Where’s the garbage?”

“Here,” she said, taking the condom from me. Getting up, she went into the bathroom and returned empty handed, so she must’ve thrown it away in there. Sliding back into bed, she said “Aww, I got the wet spot.

“No you don’t,” I said, rolling over onto my side and pulling her close to me so we were both on my side of the bed.

“What a gentleman,” she said as I clutched her to me.

“It’s the least I can do after what you let me do,” I joked, but she merely murmured something as she was already half asleep. Shrugging to myself, I closed my eyes and let sleep claim me as well.

Saturday, September 27, 2003:

Waking up to sunlight on my face from the skylights, I rolled over and found the bed empty. It took a few seconds for my mind to get oriented and remember that I wasn’t at home, but instead in Elisha’s bedroom. Yawning, I crawled out of bed, grabbed my toothbrush out of my bag, and made my way to the bathroom.

When my teeth were brushed, my morning piss taken, and a shower taken, I put on a pair of shorts and a Misfits t-shirt with the trademark skeleton head on the front and made my way out to the kitchen. Not seeing Elisha anywhere, I was starting to wonder where she had gone to when I found a note on the kitchen counter:


Went to work out. Would’ve waken you, but I figured you’d rather sleep than exercise. Make yourself at home, but don’t break anything.



“Aww, she signed it with hugs and kisses,” I said to myself, talking about the X’s and O’s at the bottom of the note.

Not thinking of anything better to do, I reverted to my natural ‘no one home but me’ behavior. Which is to say, I put on AC/DC’s Back In Black album, cranked up the volume, and grabbed a broom so I had something to pretend was a guitar.

I stood there, head bowed while the bells tolled at the start of ‘Hells Bells’ until the guitars kicked in. When they kicked in, I jumped around pretending I was Angus Young playing to thousands of screaming fans.

“I’ll give you black sensations up and down your spine. If you’re into evil you’re a friend of mine. See my white light flashing as I split the night. ‘Cause if good’s on the left, then I’m stickin’ to the right. I won’t take no prisoners, won’t spare no lives. Nobody’s puttin’ up a fight. I got my bell, I’m gonna take you to hell. I’m gonna get you, Satan get you,” Brian Johnson screamed as I air guitared all over the living room.

Just as the band was launching into the climactic solo that leads into the final chorus, I turned and saw Elisha staring at me from the entryway of the living room, the expression on her face one of pure amusement at seeing a grown man playing a broom like a guitar. Stopping what I had been doing, I blushed slightly in embarrassment from being caught in the act.

“Uh, hi,” I said, turning down the stereo.

“Having fun?” She asked, trying hard not to laugh, but failing miserably.

“Well, yeah,” I answered truthfully. “What do you expect me to do? AC/DC on the stereo, a broom handy, didn’t you ever see Risky Business? It’s what men do, except I prefer the guitar to singing. At least I put on some pants before I launched into my performance.”

“I just wish I had grabbed a camera before you found out I was there. I could have gotten a couple great pictures out of it,” she said.

“You wouldn’t be the first to get pictures of me doing something like that,” I shrugged. “My parents caught me pretending to be who knows how many guitarists over the years. Lets see, there was Angus Young like you caught me, Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath, then Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix, David Gilmour from Pink Floyd, and probably most of all, Kirk Hammet of Metallica.”

“You must do that a lot,” she said, still laughing.

“It’s the curse of being a rock fan. Just be glad you didn’t catch me during Marilyn Manson’s ‘Cake and Sodomy.’ That one’s not for the weak of heart. When a song has the lyrics ‘White trash get down on your knees, it’s time for cake and sodomy,’ you know the average person isn’t going to like it,” I said. “Lucky for me, I’m not average.”

“I never like Manson,” she said.

“The first album was great, but after that he became more obsessed with shocking people visually than making stuff worth listening to. He’ll go down in history as being just another guy trying to duplicate Alice Cooper,” I said.

“I need to make a call, then we can go find something to eat, OK?” She asked.

“I’m your bitch for the weekend, so you don’t have to ask for my approval,” I said, grinning.

“Well then, I need to call Avril and then we’re going to get some lunch, bitch,” she said, adding a little extra to the last word for effect.

“Yes mistress,” I said, putting my hands together in front of me and bowing in mock subservience.

“I’ll be back in a minute. Go back to what you were doing when I walked in,” she said as she went to grab the phone.

Taking her order, I turned the stereo back up just as ‘Given The Dog A Bone’ was starting. Grabbing the broom, I went back to pretending it was guitar.

“She take you down easy, going down to her knees. Going down to the devil, down, down to ninety degrees. Oh, she’s blowing me crazy, till my ammunition is dry. Oh, she’s using her head again, she’s using her head. Oh, she’s using her head again,” Brian Johnson screamed as I shuffled around the living room in the patented Angus Young manner.

“I was just kidding, sheesh,” Elisha said, turning the stereo back down.

“Sorry,” I apologized and stood there as she dialed the cordless phone that was now in her hand.

“Hey Avril, it’s Elisha,” she said into the phone. “Where are you? Your birthday present is here. No, I’m not going to tell you what it is. You’re going to have to come over and find out. OK, well see you tonight then.”

“So, where are we going for lunch?” I asked when Elisha had hung up the phone.

Setting the phone down on the coffee table, she answered “Since you took me to one of your favorite mexican restaurants, I thought I’d take you to one of mine.”

“Sounds good,” I said when she grabbed her purse with one hand and my arm with the other and dragged me toward the door.

Closing the door behind us, she pulled keys out of her purse to lock the door. Walking down the front steps, I stopped next to the car but she kept on walking. Shrugging, I followed her as she turned and started walking down the street.

“Here we are,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the indistinct taco stand in front of us.

Looking at it, I said “It’s certainly not a place I’d expect a high class actress to patronize.”

“It’s got good food and it’s within walking distance. Besides, it’s open late if I get a craving in the middle of the night. I generally have a burrito, but the chicken tacos are good too,” she told me, stepping up the window to order.

Looking over the menu, I told the guy on the other side of the window “I’ll have a burrito with hot sauce on the side.”

“Make that two, and two Cokes,” she said, holding up two fingers.

While we waited for our order, we took a seat at one of the available tables and I asked her “When’s Avril’s coming?”

“She said that she should be in town in the next couple hours. She’ll probably drop by to get her birthday present, you, some time tonight,” Elisha answered.

“Nice to know I’m not some piece of meat that you two can trade off as you see fit. Oh who am I kidding? I love being the piece of meat that two beautiful women pass around,” I said, breaking into a grin.

As I was saying that, I happened to catch a glance of a gorgeous blond roller blading on the sidewalk. Following my eyes, Elisha looked over her shoulder at her and said “She’s hot. Too bad you’ve already got two insatiable blondes to take care of.”

“Two burritos,” the guy from behind the counter said in a thick mexican accent as he set our food down.

“Saved by the bell,” I said, heaving a sigh of relief.

“You know the guy who brought us our food?” She asked as I took a bite of my burrito. Nodding my head, she continued “He’s not really from Mexico. He’s actually a third generation American from Oregon. He just puts on the accent to make the food seem more authentic.”

Trying not to laugh for fear that bits of beef and tortilla would come flying out of my mouth, I choked down my burrito, took a sip of my Coke and said “You spend too much time here. Either that or people tell you too much.”

“Just because I’m halfway famous, people like to tell me their life stories,” she shrugged.

“People want to tell me their life stories too. I don’t even have any idea why. I don’t even want to hear them, but I must look like I care because they keep trying to tell me,” I said. Putting some hot sauce on my burrito, I took a bite and just about blew flames from the heat of it. Hoarsely, I held up the bottle of hot sauce and said “Shit, this stuff is almost lethal.”

Grabbing the bottle from me, she put a healthy squirt on her burrito and said “You just have to get used to it.”

Watching her take her next bite, I could see little beads of sweat spring up on her forehead. Shaking my head at her ability to handle the liquid fire of the hot sauce, I picked my burrito back up and continued to eat.

When we were done, we walked the short distance back her place. Walking through the door, I tossed myself down on her couch, full from the monster burrito I’d just eaten.

Throwing herself down on the couch next to me, she leaned back against the arm of the couch, put her feet in my lap and asked “Will you massage my feet?”

“Sure thing,” I said, pulling off her sandals. Picking up one foot, I gripped it between my hands and applied pressure to the ball of the foot with my thumbs.

“Oh,” she said, letting her head loll back as she enjoyed the foot massage.

Moving my thumbs in small circles along the arch, she made murmurs of approval as she melted into the couch. When the one foot was done, I put it down and picked up the other. Repeating the process with her other foot, I suddenly had a mental image of a boyfriend that I didn’t know about walking through the door and throwing me out a window for giving me a foot massage like the guy in Pulp Fiction that gave Mia Wallace a foot massage.

“That was great,” she said, barely lifting her head to smile at me because her whole body was almost completely limp and relaxed.

“Glad you like it,” I said, lightly stroking the tops of her feet as they rested in my lap.

Glancing at her, I could see that she had gotten so comfortable that she’d dozed off. Lifting her feet up, I slid out from underneath her. Deciding that now might be the time to get a look at the view of the beach that Elisha had raved about the night before, I walked into the kitchen.

Opening the sliding door, I stepped out onto a nice balcony that stretched along the whole back of the house and did indeed have a remarkable view of the ocean. The boards creaked beneath my feet slightly as I walked out on them. Underneath the window that I assumed was to the living room, a table and chairs sat that probably allowed Elisha to drink her morning coffee staring out at the ocean. The balcony was surrounded by a wrought iron railing with little spirals and curls in the design. The railing was broken only by the stairway that descended down into the yard that was dominated mostly by the pool.

“It’s a great view, isn’t it?” Elisha asked, slipping her arms around my waist from behind as I leaned against the railing.

“Yes it is,” I agreed, suddenly realizing just surreal it seemed. A nobody from a nothing part of the country finding himself with the arms of the woman of his dreams wrapped around him while he stood on her deck staring out at the ocean.

“Want to go for a swim?” Elisha asked, leaning against me so that her cheek pressed against my back.

“Sure,” I answered, turning around with her arms still around me, her cheek now against my chest.

“I’ll get some towels and we can change,” she said, letting go of me and going back into the house.

I stood there for a couple seconds longer wondering how I got lucky enough to be there with her, but gave up trying to figure out when my head started hurting from the thought process. Following her into the house, I made my way to the bedroom to grab a pair of shorts better suited for swimming in than the jean shorts I was wearing. Peeling off my Misfits shirt, I tossed it on top of my bag. Kicking off my shoes and socks, I pulled down my shorts and tossed them on my bag as well. Shucking my boxers, I was pulling up my swim trunks when Elisha walked in with a couple towels in hand.

“I’ll meet you out there,” I said, leaning over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and taking the towels from her.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she said as I was walking out of the room.

Casting a quick glance over my shoulder, her back was to me, pulling off her shirt before opening a drawer in her dresser. The quick shot of her bare back was enough to make me wonder yet again how in the hell I lucked into this deviation in my life. I was no closer to figuring it out, but I decided to quit trying for fear that I’d figure it out and karma would kick my ass for it by making it end.

Once outside, I put the towels down on one of the lounge chairs that lined the pool. Jumping into the water, I luxuriated in the warm water as I dunked my whole body under the surface. Coming up, I shook my head to get some of the water out of my hair and happened to look up in time to see Elisha descending the stairs in a black bikini.

Treading water, I watched her as she dove into the water. She swam towards me under water until she surfaced right in front of me. I was caught by surprise when she reached out and grabbed me, pulling me under the water.

Breaking the surface sputtering out a mouthful of water, I looked at her as she stood there cackling cruelly. Giving her a dirty look, I put my hand on the top of her head and used my feet to sweep her legs out from underneath her. Pushing her under the water, it was my turn to laugh when she came up gasping for air.

“That’ll teach you to mess with me,” I said, pushing the wet hair out of her eyes.

“We’re even now, so truce?” She asked, holding out her hand.

Expecting some kind of trick, I shook her hand and was able to fend off her next attack by keeping my balance when she tried to trip me. Grinning at her failure, I picked her up out of the water and tossed her a foot or so away from me.

“That’s not fair,” she said when she reemerged from the water.

“You’re the one that tried to trip me,” I pointed out. “I was just returning the favor.”

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” she said, pushing me back against the edge of the pool and leaning into me.

“Get my name stitched on your lip so you won’t get hitched,” I sang quietly to myself for no real reason.

“What?” She asked, a perplexed look on her face.

“Sorry, song lyric just popped into my head. It was from the song ‘Hitched’ by The Kills. They’re a blues rock band that I’ve been listening to a lot lately. I’ve had it running rampant through my head for the two months since Rich Wilson told me to check the band out. That, and the lyric ‘Kid wanna fuck and fight, in the basement’ from ‘Black Rooster’ have been like a plague on my brain,” I told her.

“Rich, is he the one who wrote ‘The Natalie Incident’?” She asked.

“That’s him,” I said, picking her up.

“I said I wouldn’t do it again,” she wailed.

“I know,” I said, turning around and setting her on the rim of the pool. Standing between her legs with my hands on her thighs, I looked up at her and said “I just wanted to see how you’d react.”

Hooking her legs under my arms and around my back, she asked “Trying to get a little frisky are we?”

“Not me,” I said, putting on a look of pure innocence. “I’d never get frisky with you. Playful sure, or maybe even a little fiendish, but never frisky.”

“Uh huh, yeah,” she said, rolling her eyes. “We must have different ideas of what frisky means then.”

“I can’t help it if I’m charming. Just because you can’t help yourself around me is no reason to insinuate that I might try something improper,” I said, trying to keep a straight face.

Leaning down so that her face was mere inches from mine, she asked “Who said there was anything improper about it?”

Taking my cue, I put my hand on the back of neck and pulled her down for a kiss. Feeling her kissing back with even greater intensity, I parted my mouth and let my tongue lick her lips.

Pulling back, she grinned and said “Not now. Avril wouldn’t like it if I tired her birthday present out before she got a chance to use it.”

“There’s plenty of time to recuperate,” I protested, disappointed that she’d gotten me excited and was now leaving me high and dry.

“I’m not going to take that chance,” she said, unhooking her legs and pulling them out of the pool.

“Then I guess I better take a nap to rest up,” I said, resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to be getting any ‘afternoon delight’ as the old disco tune put it.

“I might even join you,” Elisha said, drying herself off with one of the towels.

“Really?” I asked, my hope for a little extra lovin’ suddenly rekindled.

“To sleep,” she said, catching the eagerness in my voice as she sat down on one of the lounge chairs.

“It was worth a shot,” I sighed, pulling myself out of the pool. Grabbing the other towel off the chair, I dried myself off and walked towards the stairs.

“Don’t get the bed wet,” Elisha yelled after me as I climbed the stairs and entered the kitchen.

Entering the bedroom, I pulled off my wet shorts and tossed them and the towel on top of my bag. Sliding between the covers, I let my mind drift off to what fun Avril might have in store for me later. As thoughts of fucking Avril floated through my mind, I hoped that my dream of a threesome with two women might finally come true, and with Avril and Elisha at that. That thought was enough to overload my brain enough to allow me to sleep.

“If you wanna go and take a ride wit me, we three-wheelin in the fo’ with the gold D’s. Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!” Was the first thing I heard as I snapped back to consciousness from my little nap.

Just as I was lifting my head to ask what the fuck was going on, I saw Elisha in a dark blue bra and matching thong dancing around singing along to Nelly’s ‘Ride Wit Me’ on the stereo “If you wanna go and get high wit me, smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y. Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!”

“Couldn’t you have found a nicer way to wake me up?” I asked, sitting up in bed.

“Yeah, but I wanted to listen to Nelly, so being nice lost out,” she said, grinning from ear to ear. Pulling Nelly out of the CD, she put something else in and asked “Is this better?”

“There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold and she’s buying a stairway to heaven. When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed, with a word she can get what she came for. Ooh, ooh, and she’s buying a stairway to heaven,” came Robert Plant’s vocals from the speakers as ‘Stairway To Heaven’ filled the room, and all I could do was nod appreciatively.

Slipping out of bed, I raised my arms above my head to stretch. Yawning, I rolled my head from shoulder to shoulder to get the kink out of my neck.

“Have a good dream or something?” Elisha asked, pointing at my cock sticking out from my body like a lightning rod.

“Good dream? No. Fucking great dream? Oh yeah,” I said, going into the bathroom to catch a quick shower to wash the chlorine out of my hair.

Turning on the water, I stepped under the stream and let it hit me in the face and course down my body as my mind started to fully wake up. Turning around, I ducked my head under the water to get it wet. Looking for a bar of soap, all I could find was a bottle of raspberry scented body wash.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered to myself. Being a man, using raspberry scented body wash was completely out of the question so I hollered for Elisha to come in.

“You yelled?” She asked, opening the bathroom door.

“Don’t you have any regular soap? I can’t be smelling like raspberries all night,” I protested.

Opening the shower door, she reached in and handed me a bar of good old Irish Spring soap and said “Here you go.”

“Much obliged, and there’s room for two in here if you want to join me,” I said, grabbing her hand and trying to pull her into the shower.

“I already took one and besides, you need to save it for the party. If you’re a good boy, you’ll get to watch me and Avril. If you’re a really good boy, you might even get to join in,” Elisha said, making me promptly let go just in case she wasn’t bluffing about not letting me watch or join the two of them.

After my shower, I grabbed a towel off the rack next to the shower and dried myself off. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I walked out into the bedroom just in time to see Elisha pulling the straps of a white dress up onto her shoulders.

“Just in time, can you zip me up?” She asked, seeing me in the mirror she was standing in front of.

“Sure,” I said, walking over to her. Grabbing the zipper, I pulled it up.

“How do I look?” She asked, turning around and holding her arms out to the side to give me a better view.

“Positively yummy,” I said, eyeing her up and down. The dress came down to about knee length, but in the light of the room it seemed to be a little transparent. I could see a hint of the blue bra that she had on underneath, but it might have my imagination superimposing the current image with the image of her in bra and panties that I got when I woke up into one in my brain. She had her hair pulled up and held to the back of her head with a white clip, except for a lock of hair in the front that must have too short to reach all the way back. It was pushed off to the side of her face as she stood there looking at me.

“What are you wearing?” She asked. “You’re going to wear just the towel are you?”

“If it was just you and Avril, then I wouldn’t bother with that much,” I said, grinning. “What should I wear?”

Thinking for a moment, she answered “A suit. You’d look good in a suit.”

“I didn’t bring one with me. Best I have is slacks and a dress shirt,” I said.

“Hmm,” she said. Digging in her closet, she pulled out a black sport coat that looked about my size and said “Try this on. I don’t have a tie, but you could always borrow Avril’s when she gets here.”

“I’m going to change now, so you’re going to have to go,” I told her, setting the coat on the bed and pushing towards the door.

“I’ve already seen everything you’ve got,” she protested.

“Yeah, but I like to change in peace,” I said, closing the door on her.

“It’s my room, I shouldn’t get kicked out like this,” she said on the other side of the door.

Just then the doorbell rang and I said “You need to get the door anyway.”

“This isn’t over,” she said, the amusement in her voice clear as day.

Taking off the towel, I noticed that Elisha had taken my shorts and the towel that I had used to dry off after the dip in the pool earlier. Looking around, I spotted a clothes hamper in the corner that I had missed seeing before. Tossing my towel into it, I grabbed my bag and dug through it until I came up with my shirt and slacks. Pulling them out, I saw that they weren’t wrinkled, or at least not enough for anyone to really notice. Setting them on the bed next to the sport coat, I pulled out a pair of socks and a pair of blue and green plaid boxers that looked like something a Scotsman might wear under his kilt.

When I was finished dressing in black from head to toe, I slipped on my black shoes, draped the coat over my arm, and opened the door. Hearing Ozzy Osbourne’s ‘Crazy Train’ playing in the living room, I turned the corner and found Elisha talking to a woman that needed no introduction to me. There were some other people in the room, milling around kibitzing with each other as well, but the one Elisha was talking to was the only one that mattered to me.

“Joe, this is Liz Phair,” Elisha said, introducing us.

“I think I know who she is,” I said, holding out my hand for Liz. When Liz shook it, my knees went weak with the thought that I just touched my idol’s hand.

“Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?” Liz sang to the tune of the old Hendrix tune.

“I’m going down to shoot my old lady, you know I caught her messing round with another man,” I said, not missing a beat.

“I’m impressed. You must get that a lot,” Liz said, smiling. She was wearing a knee length orange skirt and tight black shirt that dipped low enough in the neckline to show a fair amount of cleavage.

“Only every time someone meets me,” I said, returning the smile.

“You must be the writer that Avril’s been talking about so much lately. What do you write anyway?” Liz asked as Elisha went off to make sure her guests were taken care of.

“I guess you could call it fan fiction. I’m not really a writer though. I dabble in it as a hobby, but calling myself a writer would be an affront to actual writers,” I answered.

“Fan fiction huh? I always called them ‘fuck stories’ personally,” Liz said, catching me a little off guard.

“I see you know more than you let on. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on you aren’t I?” I asked, trying to keep my cool and not let my voice crack from the excitement of meeting the woman that almost single handedly got me through my teen years.

“Avril talks about you so much that I took a look at some of your stories. They were good, but I’m still not sure whether I like being in one of them or not,” she said, fixing me with a dark look.

“If it offended you, I’m sorry,” I apologized, hoping I hadn’t pissed her off.

“I’m just fucking with you,” she said, her face lightening up considerably. “I thought it was some great shit. It was a little unnerving that you knew me that well though.”

“I had to do some digging to find the tidbit about your divorce, but the rest was just stuff that I’d picked up and some shots in the dark figuring that no one would know the difference if I was wrong. It’s nice to know I hit the mark more often than I missed though,” I said, heaving a sigh of relief.

“You missed on some stuff, but you got enough stuff right to make me wonder if someone was fucking spying on me,” she said, laughing.

“I leave the spy work to TRL. He’s busy transferring the fruits of his last four years of surveillance on Natalie Portman into the best series there is,” I said. Seeing the blank look on her face, realized her exposure to CSSA was probably just a couple of my stories so I explained “TRL’s a fellow author, and he’s doing a series called ‘Just Natalie’ that is so accurate that it’s become an inside joke that he’s spent the last four years hiding inside an R2-D2 costume at Harvard spying on Natalie.”

“Has he been in LA lately, because I could have fucking swore I saw some guy dressed as a robot hanging around my house a couple weeks ago,” Liz said, grinning.

“Was Meg White over? If so, than it was probably Rich. He’s a big White Stripes fan and he also loves you, so he must’ve borrowed TRL’s costume for some after hours work,” I said, returning the joke.

“So that’s what those flashes were while Meg and I were fucking. I thought it was just lightning, but now that I think of it, it only happened when we in a 69, and lightning doesn’t happen in LA very often,” she said, suddenly making my pants seem a size too small from imagining Liz and Meg getting it on.

“Must have been Rich,” I said, my voice cracking ever so slightly. Changing the subject, I asked “So, what’s Avril told you about me? All good I hope.”

“She said you were cute, which you are,” Liz said, looking at me from head to toe. “She also said that you’re a good fuck, which I haven’t been able to confirm yet.”

I was just about to answer when I heard someone yell my name. Turning to look for who said it, I spotted Avril running across the room in a white tank top, black and white checkered necktie, and baggy black pants before she jumped at me. A little too stunned to move, I stood there with Avril clinging to me with her arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around my waist.

Just as The White Stripes’ ‘Fell In Love With A Girl’ came on the stereo, Avril looked over at Liz and sneered “What’s this bitch doing here?”

“Fuck off you little slut,” Liz retorted.

“Eat shit,” Avril said, giving Liz the middle finger as she wiggled around so that she was pressed against my back piggy back style.

“Uh…” I started to say. I had thought they were friends, but friends don’t usually greet each other like that. I was beginning to wonder if a fight might be about to break out between them, and the fact that Avril was clinging to me made the prospects much less appealing that it would normally be.

“Come here,” Liz said, opening her arms and giving Avril a hug with me in the middle. I could smell the sweet scent of Liz’s perfume as I became part of the best hug ever.

“I think we had him going,” Avril said after the hug, craning her head to look at my face.

“I think so too,” Liz said, laughing at my discomfort. To me, she said “Don’t worry, we’re actually pretty good friends.”

“Yeah, she’s got the foulest fucking mouth I’ve ever heard,” Avril said. “I thought I was bad, but even I have to blush at some of the shit that comes out of her mouth.”

“I’ve been trying to cut back, but sometimes ‘fuck’ is the best word for the job,” Liz said, shrugging.

“I’m going to borrow Joe for a little bit, you don’t mind do you?” Avril asked Liz.

“Make sure I get him back in one piece,” Liz said.

“I promise nothing,” Avril said. Reaching down to slap me on the ass, she said “Come on, lets get something to drink.”

“Yes ma’am,” I said, carrying her off in search of refreshments.

Getting down, Avril grabbed a Molson Ice out of the fridge. As I was reaching for a Pepsi, Avril slapped my hand and said “Don’t be a fucking pussy. Drink a beer like everyone else.”

Taking the Molson from her hand, I said “Fine, then I’ll have this one.”

Digging into my pockets, I pulled out my keys. Grabbing the silver AC/DC bottle opener that hung off my key chain, I opened the bottle of beer in my hand.

“Give me that,” Avril said, snatching my keys away from me. After she’d opened her bottle, she inspected the bottle opener and said “This is cool. Where’d you get it?”

“It came with the Bonfire box set. It came with a guitar pick too, but I don’t have a guitar, or even know how to play one. So the bottle opener is all I ever use other than the actual CDs,” I answered, taking my keys back and slipping them back in my pocket..

“It’s just another bombtrack, and suckas be thinkin’ that they can fade this, but I’m gonna drop it at a higher level. ‘Cause I’m inclined to stoop down, hand out some beat-downs. Cold runna train on punk ho’s that think they run the game, but I learned to burn that bridge and delete those who compete at a level that’s obsolete. Instead I warm my hands upon the flames of the flag as I recall the downfall and the business’ that burned us all. See through the news, and views that twist reality. Enough, I call the bluff, manifest destiny,” came Zack de la Rocha’s scorching vocals while Rage Against The Machine’s ‘Bombtrack’ drifted through the open window as Avril and I walked outside onto the balcony. I silently wondered if Elisha was purposely playing my CD collection or if it just happened that they were the ones that got put in by whoever walked by.

“So, when do I get my birthday present?” Avril asked, leaning against the wall and taking a sip of her beer.

“I thought I was your birthday present,” I said, looking out at the pink sky as the sun set over the ocean creating a beautiful sight.

“You’re my present from Elisha, but when am I going to get my present from you?” She pressed.

Taking a sip of my beer as I leaned against the railing, I said “I got you a belt that has spikes on it and says ‘Bitch’ on the buckle to go with the one you already have that says ‘Fuck.’ You can have it whenever you want, I guess.”

“That’s great, but that’s not the present I was talking about,” she said suggestively.

“Oh really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow as I turned around to face her. “And what exactly were you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. I want you to fuck me, and I want you to fuck me good,” she said, setting her beer down on the table as she started to get fired up.

“There’s the spunky Canadian that’s turned the world upside down in the last year or so,” I said, smirking.

“Shut the fuck up,” she fired back.

“Come on, pronounce David Bowie’s name for me,” I said, mispronouncing it the way she had when she was announcing the Grammy nominations.

“Fuck off,” she said, shaking her head, but unable to keep the smile from flashing on her face.

“You’re never going to live that one down, you know that don’t you? I mean, he’s a fucking legend and you butchered his name. It’d be like someone saying Paul McCartney’s name wrong. I can see it now, you standing up on stage reading off the nominees at some award show and saying ‘Pull McGurtney’ or something. It’d be sacrilegious enough to be funny,” I said, laughing as she shot me a look that could kill.

“Go fuck yourself,” she said, flipping me off and giving me her patented rock chick pout.

“I’m not equipped to pull that off,” I said dryly, taking another sip of my beer.

“What?” She asked, looking at me with a look of confusion on her face.

“You told me to go fuck myself. I can’t do it because I don’t have the right equipment,” I tried to explain to her. Seeing the confused look still on her face, I tried to simplify it more by saying “I don’t have both sex organs, so I can’t fuck myself.”

“I get it now, but It’s not very funny,” she said.

“Explaining a joke takes all the humor out of it,” I replied. “It was a funny joke before you made me explain it, I promise.”

“Since you can’t fuck yourself, then fuck me,” she said, changing the subject and also proving once again that she has a one track mind.

“Tell me when, and I will,” I said, tilting the bottle of beer up and draining the last half of it in one gulp.

“Why not right here, right now?” She asked, looking around. “There’s no one out here but us.”

“For one thing, there’s a bunch of people right on the other side of that open window. The only thing that would keep us from being a Thailand style sex show is a thin curtain and music that isn’t loud enough to cover up your dirty talk,” I pointed out.

“Come on Joe, it’ll be exciting. Knowing that anyone might look out the window at any time and catch us. I’ll keep it down,” she said, turning around and pulling her pants down far enough to show the top of her ass crack in an attempt to get me to agree.

“No, no, no,” I said, shaking my head despite my arousal at the thought of bending her over the table and fucking her for the world to see. “I’m not going to do it.”

“I know how to get you to cooperate,” she said, playfully enough to make me wary of her. Crossing the balcony until she was toe to toe with me, she looked up at me and asked “You want Liz don’t you?”

“I, uh,” I started, fumbling for words.

“Don’t deny it. Everyone who knows anything about you knows about your love and lust for Liz,” she said breathlessly. “I want her too, but she doesn’t seem to be into women. I’ve been dying for a shot with her, but she hasn’t gone for any of my tricks. Liz doesn’t need a whole lot of prompting when it comes to fucking a guy if she wants him enough, and I’ve been making sure that she wants you. I can get you into bed with her, and then I can join the two of you.”

My will starting to crumble, I made my last attempt at resistance by saying “Maybe I could get her all on my own. I seem to have done well with you and Elisha.”

“Maybe so, but can you guarantee yourself that you’ll get to fuck her? Because I can. Besides, I can make it so that you don’t get to fuck her if I want to,” she said, showing a bit of a vindictive side I hadn’t known was there. “It’s a win-win proposal here, all you have to do is say yes.”

“Yes,” I hissed into her ear, picking her up.

“Goodie,” she squealed as I carried her over to the table.

Sitting her down on the edge of the table, I unbuckled her belt and noticed that she happened to be wearing the belt with the buckle that spells out ‘Fuck’. Unbuttoning her pants with one hand, I tugged down her zipper with the other. Just as she was lifting her ass up, I yanked her pants and boxers down around her knees.

“Shit that’s cold,” she said, flinching slightly as she set her bare ass down on the metal table.

“Like I fucking care if your ass is cold,” I sneered into her ear as I ran a finger along her bare slit.

“Fuck me dammit,” she demanded as my finger slipped into her pussy.

I could hear the music stop as someone changed the CDs. All of a sudden Britney’s ‘I’m A Slave 4 U’ came on and I heard the sounds of people getting up to dance.

“Ever fucked to Britney before?” I asked her, fingering her pussy while I dropped my own pants and boxers to my knees.

“Fuck Britney,” she responded.

“You first,” I said, pulling my finger out of her now dripping pussy and pushing her onto her back.

“I know I may be young, but I’ve got feelings too. And I need to do what I feel like doing. So let me go and just listen. All you people look at me like I’m a little girl. Well did you ever think it be okay for me to step into this world. Always saying little girl don’t step into the club. Well I’m just tryin’ to find out why cause dancing’s what I love,” came Britney’s opening lines as I grabbed the waist of her pants and used them to lift her legs up.

Standing there staring at her legs up in the air, her pussy looking puffy and primed to be fucked, and listening to Britney playing on the stereo, I gave myself a quick mental high five as I lined my cock up with her opening. I slid myself into her an inch at a time, partly to delight in the feel of her tight teenage pussy wrapped around me, but mostly to just fuck with her. She wanted it fast and hard, so I was going to go slow and easy for as long as possible.

“Give it to me, you fucker,” Avril hissed at me, almost loud enough to alert the rest of the party to the show taking place outside.

“That’s it, beg for my cock bitch,” I said, determined to take the control away from her.

“Fuck you,” she shot back. When I stopped halfway in, she recanted and said “Give me your cock.”

“I told you to beg for it,” I responded, giving her a little more.

“Please fuck me,” she said, trying to look as innocent as possible. It would’ve worked too if I hadn’t already been bribed into fucking her in public.

“I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy. But I feel like talking, feel like dancing when I see this guy. What’s practical is logical. What the hell, who cares? All I know is I’m so happy when you’re dancing there. I’m a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I’m a slave for you. I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it,” Britney sang as I gave in to Avril and shoved the rest of my cock into her.

“Yeah,” she groaned, closing her eyes as she felt her pussy finally being filled up.

Pressing her thighs all the way against her stomach, I kept one eye on the curtains for movement while I pulled my cock out of Avril. Driving it back home, she grunted as she bit her bottom to stifle some of her noise. Leaning further over her, I began thrusting in and out of her. This new position brought more of my cock into contact with her clit.

Even with her biting her lip, she was starting to get a little too noisy for the situation. Deciding that a change of position might be in order, I pulled all the way out of her.

“Put it back in,” she implored me, feeling the withdrawal.

“You’ll like this,” I promised her, flipping her over onto her stomach. She was short enough, and far enough onto the table, that only her toes were able to reach the ground.

“Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me (I just wanna dance next to you), to another time and place. Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me (are you ready), leaving behind my name, my age,” came Britney’s vocals as I playfully slapped Avril on the ass.

Trying to shove her ass back at me but couldn’t because her feet couldn’t get enough of a push on the ground, Avril whimpered as I teased her by rubbing my cock head up and down her slit. Slipping the head past her inner lips, I pulled back out just as quickly as I had put it in.

“Don’t fucking tease me,” Avril pouted.

“I still owe you an ass fucking from the last time,” I reminded her, momentarily pressing my cock against the pucker of her anus.

“Yeah, fuck my ass,” Avril said excitedly.

“Too bad we don’t have the time right now,” I said, lowering my cock to her pussy and shoving it all the way in with one swift motion.

“Fuck,” she said at the unexpected maneuver.

Her upper body was pressed against the table, so I put my hand in the middle of her back to make sure she didn’t try to lift herself up. Getting a bright idea, I grabbed her hands and brought them to her sides so I could hold onto them while I fucked her. Pinning her hands to her hips, I crouched down and starting thrusting into her defenseless pussy.

“Harder,” she demanded, thrusting her ass back against me as best as she could in her position.

“I really wanna dance, tonight with you (I just can’t help myself). I really wanna do what you want me to (I just feel I let myself go). I really wanna dance, tonight with you (wanna see you move). I really wanna do what you want me to (Uh, Uh, Uh),” came the song through the window as I started to pick up the pace and fuck her like she wanted me to.

“Mmm,” Avril moaned as she built her way towards a climax.

“You fucking like being helpless while I fuck you, don’t you?” I asked, feeling her on the verge of an orgasm.

“Yeah, uh, I l-uh-ve it,” she said, her pussy starting to flutter around my cock as she reached her peak.

“Cum all over my cock,” I demanded as her pussy clamped down and my cock was bathed in a rush of pussy juice.

“Oh god, fuck me,” she moaned as orgasmic bliss washed over her.

Gritting my teeth, I used every trick in my arsenal to hold off my own orgasm. When her pussy started loosening up again, I knew I had weathered the storm. Knowing that I wasn’t going to last until she another orgasm, I pulled out of her and let her up.

“You didn’t cum,” she said, pushing herself off the table.

“Then make me cum and clean me off,” I told her gruffly. Something inside me told me that she wanted to be treated like a filthy whore at the moment, so I was going to treat like one.

Without a word, she dropped to her knees and grabbed my cock. Wrapping her hand around my shaft, she started to stroke me. It was drenched in her juices, so her hand glided along with minimal effort. Leaning her head down, she wrapped her lips around the head and started working my cock further into her mouth.

“Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me (I just wanna dance next to you), to another time and place. Baby, don’t you wanna, dance upon me (are you ready). Leaving behind my name, my age. I’m a slave for you (take that). I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I’m a slave (it just feels right) for you (it just feels good). I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it (baby),” came the song, making it’s way to the end as Avril’s mouth brought me closer to my orgasm.

“I don’t care if you spit or swallow, but I’m about to cum,” I warned her when she pulled her mouth off my cock.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, and so she was caught by surprise a little when the first spurt hit her on the cheek. The second shot hit her upper lip and started to hang down into her open mouth. The third shot was a little stronger and hit her across the bridge of the nose. The rest she managed to get into her mouth as she sucked me dry.

As we pulled up our pants, I saw a towel draped over the railing on the other side of the table. Grabbing it, I handed it to Avril so she could clean my jizz off of her face before reentering the party.

“Thanks,” she said gleefully, standing on her tip toes and pulling me down so she could kiss me on the cheek when she had cleaned herself up.

“Your welcome, I guess,” I said, shocked that she was thanking me. I’m more used to having to grovel to get a woman into bed and then watch as they leave as fast as they possibly can once the act is over. Pulling her tie off over her head, I put it on and said “Elisha told me to borrow this.”

“I’m going to find Liz,” she informed me, giving me hand a quick squeeze before going back inside. Standing in the doorway, she added “You’ve got a busy night ahead of you.”

I opened my mouth to ask her just how busy it was going to be, but she vanished into the house before I could speak. Shrugging, I looked around for Avril’s beer. Finding it laying on it’s side on the table, I picked it up and used the towel to mop up the spilled beer.

Back in the house, I set the bottle down on the counter and grabbed a fresh beer out of the fridge. Opening it up, I tossed the cap onto the counter and made my way into the living room in search of Elisha.

Finding her holding some kind of tropical drink in her hand and talking to a beautiful brunette who looked slightly familiar, I greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and said “There you are.”

“Joe, this is Keira,” Elisha said, motioning to the woman she had been talking to.

“Now I recognize you,” I said, smiling as I held out my hand.

“Nice to meet you Joe,” Keira said in a strong British accent as she shook my hand.

“We did a movie together this summer,” Elisha explained.

“Yeah, it’s called ‘Love Actually’ due to be released here in the states in November,” I said, trying to show that I knew something about the movies without coming off as a stalker.

“Very good,” Keira said, obviously less than impressed despite her commendation.

“I’ve got a bit of a reputation for stalking, I mean researching, Elisha to uphold,” I said, noticing that Elisha smiled at my little inside joke, but Keira didn’t seem to be on the inside because she just nervously thumped her fingers against the glass in her hand without even showing a sign of a smile.

“I’m going to get another drink,” Keira announced, holding up her empty glass. Nodding to me, she said “It was nice meeting you Joe.”

“I don’t think you made a very good impression on her,” Elisha said, gently elbowing me in the ribs.

“My charm must be limited to Canadian women then,” I said, reaching behind her to tickle her side.

“You seem awfully eager for someone who just got laid,” Elisha said, grinning as she leaned into me.

“How’d you know?” I asked.

“I saw Avril come in, then you and her disappeared. Next thing I know, you’re walking in here with a stupid grin plastered to your face. Besides, Avril’s over there talking to Liz and making some pretty graphic gestures,” she said, pointing over to where Avril was seemingly in the middle of recounting the events of a few minutes ago to Liz.

“She was pretty insistent that she get her birthday present as soon as possible. She’s putting one of her plans to get into Liz’s pants into place right now. She’s using me to get Liz into bed, then she’ll just happen to show up. I must say that I like being used in that kind of scenario,” I said, grinning. When Elisha’s elbow connected with my ribs again, I grimaced and rubbed the spot that she’d hit.

“Take Liz downstairs. No one’s down there so you’ll have plenty of privacy,” Elisha advised.

“I didn’t even know there was a downstairs. Do you have some secret, super hero, bat cave type lair down there or something? If so, can I drive the Elishamobile?”

“I wish,” Elisha answered, laughing. “No, it’s just the garage that I converted into a game room type of thing. It’s where my friends hang out when they come over. A movie or something on the TV, a game of pool going on the pool table, music cranked up on the stereo. It’s got that cozy, comfortable feel to it that might help you out.”

“Why are you trying to help me score with Liz?” I asked, trying to figure out her motivations.

“It’s Avril’s plan, and the birthday girl should get what she wants,” Elisha answered. Stretching herself up so she could whisper into my ear, she added “You better hurry up though, because after midnight you belong to me instead of Avril.”

Looking at my watch, I saw that it was a little after ten and said “Avril’s got almost two hours. She’s resourceful enough to pull it off.”

“She could get an Eskimo to buy ice if she thought there was something in it for her,” Elisha said, taking a drink from her glass.

“What are you drinking anyway? It looks good.”

“It’s a mai tai, want some?” She asked, holding the glass out to me.

Sucking a little bit of it through the straw, I swallowed it and said “Yum, fruity.”

“I prefer sex on the beach, but mai tais are good too,” she said, taking another drink.

“I like sex on the beach too. Sex in the ocean, sex on a roof, and sex in the shower are good too. Sex anywhere is pretty much great,” I said, grinning at my lame pun.

Groaning, she said “Keep it up and I’ll put you on a plane home early.”

“Fine, no more excruciatingly bad jokes,” I assured her. Glancing over at Avril, I saw that she was holding her hands out in front her, a couple feet apart. Pointing her out to Elisha, I said “She almost looks like she’s trying to tell Liz about a whale sized fish she caught or something.”

“No, she’s talking about your penis,” Elisha said nonchalantly as I was in the middle of taking a drink of my beer.

Fighting hard not to spit my mouthful of beer across the room, I asked “How can you tell?”

“That’s what women do when they’re telling another woman how well hung a guy is. If Avril’s trying to get Liz to sleep with you, then it stands to reason she’d make you sound like a super stud in bed. Besides, if she was talking about fish, Liz would probably look bored to tears. Instead, Liz seems to be quite interested,” Elisha answered.

“You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? There’s no way that could what they’re actually talking about,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

“You said it yourself, Avril’s resourceful. She knows how to get what she wants, and right now she’s working hard to get it,” Elisha pointed out.

“I’m gonna fight ’em off, a seven nation army couldn’t hold me back. They’re gonna rip it off, taking their time right behind my back. And I’m talking to myself at night, because I can’t forget. Back and forth through my mind, behind a cigarette. And the message coming from my eyes, says leave it alone,” came through the speakers as ‘Seven Nation Army’ by the White Stripes started.

“I love this song,” I said, suddenly filled with warm and fuzzy feelings.

“I saw Jack White around a few minutes ago. He came in while you were busy with Avril,” Elisha told me.

“Where? Was Meg with him? Rich is going to be so jealous,” I said, looking around.

“I didn’t see Meg, but Jack was talking to Liz just before Avril came in. Just look for the guy in the red shirt with the long hair. If you find him, please don’t do something stupid and embarrass me,” Elisha pleaded.

“Now why would I do something stupid?” I asked her. Seeing her open her mouth to answer, I cut her off by saying “Don’t answer that.”

“Just say ‘hi’ and leave it at that. Don’t do your teenage girl ‘OH MY GOD’ scream if you bump into him,” Elisha pressed.

“I’ll be cool, or at least as cool as someone severely uncool like me can get,” I promised her.

“Don’t want to hear about it, every single one’s got a story to tell. Everyone knows about it, from the Queen of England to the hounds of hell. And if I catch it coming back my way, I’m gonna serve it to you. And that ain’t what you want to hear, but that’s what I’ll do. And the feeling coming from my bones, says find a home,” came the next part of the song as I set off in search of finding one or both members of the White Stripes.

Spotting Jack drinking a beer and talking to some guy I’d never seen before, I made my way over to him. My attempts at being cool disintegrated the moment I opened my mouth and said “Oh my god, it’s Jack White.”

Smacking myself in the forehead over my stupidity, I wasn’t all that surprised when Jack gave me a cursory nod and moved elsewhere, no doubt to get away from me. Turning around, I saw Elisha standing behind me smiling smugly.

“I know, I know,” I said, shaking my head to let her know that she didn’t have to say anything.

“I told you not to do that,” she said anyway. Glancing off to the side, she said “Looks like Avril’s ready for you.”

“Lets hope I react better to this situation that I just did with meeting Jack,” I said, looking over to see Avril motioning me over to her.

“You’ll do fine,” Elisha reassured me. Handing me something, she said “Take this. It might come in handy.”

Looking at the CD, I saw that it was the Forty Licks greatest hits album from the Stones. “Thanks, Liz loves the Stones.”

“Remember, take her downstairs. It’s the first door on the right as you go down the hall,” she said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Liz wants a tour of the house, but I have to stay here because it’s my birthday party,” Avril said when I got over to her and Liz. She even gave me a wink to show that it was all going according to her plan.

“Yeah, show me the house,” Liz said, hooking her arm in mine.

“I’ve only been here a day, so I don’t know how qualified I am to give tours,” I protested.

“Nonsense,” Avril said, pushing Liz and I towards the hallway.

Shrugging my shoulders, I gave Liz a quick tour of the house. She made some comments here and there, but mostly me waving my hand around and trying not to sound like a dumb ass.

“And this is the basement,” I said, opening the door that Elisha had told me about. Flicking on the light, I was glad when I saw that I had opened the right door. It would’ve looked pretty bad if I had said it was the basement but instead was about to show her a closet or something. “Actually, it’s the garage, but Elisha said she converted it to something a little more useful.”

Seeing the pool table, Liz asked “Want to play some pool?”

“No thanks. If it’s possible, I’m even worse at pool than in the story I wrote about you,” I answered, waving off any talk of playing.

Picking up the cue ball, she persisted by saying “Come on, it’s fun. I’m not exactly a pool shark either.”

“Fine, one game,” I said, looking around the room. Spotting the little CD player in the entertainment center, I crossed the room and put on the CD Elisha had slipped me.

“Oh a storm is threat’ning my very life today, if I don’t get some shelter. Oh yeah, I’m gonna fade away,” came Mick Jagger’s vocals as ‘Gimme Shelter’ came on.

“Nice choice,” Liz said, grabbing a couple cues from the rack on the wall.

“I know how much you love the Stones,” I said, taking one of the cues from her as she started pulling balls out of the pockets so she could rack them up.

“You want to break?” She asked when she had the balls set up.

Grabbing the cue ball, I set it down on the table and lined up my shot. Stroking the cue stick between my fingers, I hit the cue ball and watched as it hit the other balls and scattered them.

“You’re right, you’re not very good at this,” she said, leaning over the table and allowing me to look down her shirt far enough to see that she had a black bra on that hooked in the front. Looking up at me, she asked “See anything you like?”

Her question flustered me a little, so all I could do was nod dumbly and fidget nervously. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s nice to know I can still get a fucking rise out of a youngster like you,” she said, smirking as she hit the cue ball.

We played for a while, but it was mostly us knocking the balls off the sides of the table instead of into the pockets where they belonged. I sank a couple, Liz sank a couple more than I did, but after about a half hour the majority of the balls were still sitting on top of the table.

“Fuck it,” Liz said, grabbing a couple balls and pushing them into one of the pockets with her hand. When the last ball had been pushed into a pocket, she leaned against the edge of the table and said “For some reason I get the feeling that Avril’s trying really hard to get us to fuck. It’s just too bad that you’re not my type.”

“What? I can be anyone’s type,” I protested.

“No, I like my guys to be big and dumb. You’re just not dumb enough,” she said.

“Ask anyone, I’m dumb as a bag of hammers. I iron shirts while I’m wearing them, and then wonder why I get burned,” I said, drawing a chuckle from her.

“Those are momentary lapses of intelligence. I seem to like guys who can’t fucking walk and chew gum at the same time. Anyone who has enough presence of mind to argue their stupidity is automatically too smart. Face it kid, you’re just not dumb enough,” she repeated, reaching up to pinch my cheek.

Just as I was about to give up, I heard the opening to ‘Sympathy For The Devil’ come on the stereo. Liz straightened up like a shot and immediately started singing the words as Mick uttered them “Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year stolen many man’s soul and faith.”

Knowing that I’d probably never get to sing along with Liz again, I started in as well “I was around when Jesus Christ had His moment of doubt and pain. Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed His fate. Pleased to meet you hope you guess my name. But what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game.”

“Don’t sing,” she told me, putting her hand over my mouth.

“And how do you plan on making me stop?” I asked, showing some attitude.

“I’ll fucking kick your ass, that’s how,” she answered, her face contorting into a comical mix of threat and amusement.

“Stuck around St. Petersburg when I saw it was a time for a change. Killed the Tzar and his ministers, Anastasia screamed in vain,” I continued to sing, calling her bluff.

“I told you not to fucking sing,” Liz said, smacking me lightly upside the head.

“I rode a tank, held a gen’rals rank when the blitzkrieg raged, and the bodies stank. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. Oh yeah. Ah, what’s puzzling you is the nature of my game. Oh yeah,” I continued to sing, rubbing my head to show her that she’d have to try harder.

“The Stones are sacred, and you shouldn’t sing their songs if you can’t sing,” she said, covering my mouth with her hand again.

“It didn’t stop Britney,” I quipped, smirking as I continued to mouth the words.

“I couldn’t stop her, but I can stop you from butchering a classic,” she said.

“You still haven’t told me how you’re going to stop me,” I said, adding a little dance to my lip synching to further taunt her.

She stood there shaking her head in amusement as I dance in front of her. When I turned around to shake my ass at her, she jumped on my back. My first thought was that she had been serious about beating the shit out of me, and I reached up to cover my head in case she started raining fists down on the back of my head. Instead, she leaned her head forward and started singing the words into my ear with a pronounced sexual edge to them.

I honestly never thought of a song about the devil killing and corrupting the human race as being sexy, but Liz pressed against my back singing it like that certainly made me rethink the way I looked at the song. Reaching behind me, I managed to grab the back of one of Liz’s knees and pull around to the front.

Staring face to face with her as her legs wrapped around me, I thought it was as good as it was going to get without actually sticking my dick in her. That opinion changed however when I heard ‘Satisfaction’ start on the CD player.

“I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction. ‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try. I can’t get no, I can’t get no,” Liz sang along as she continued to cling to me.

Having her hanging on me with a song about not being able to get laid playing had my cock hard and pressing against the material of my pants. Liz had to have felt it since her crotch was virtually plastered against mine. When she winked and started grinding her crotch against me, it just made it perfectly clear that she felt it.

“When I’m drivin’ in my car, and the man come on the radio. He’s tellin’ me more and more about some useless information. Supposed to fire my imagination,” Liz sang, hitching up her skirt to her waist so she could slide her panty covered pussy along my cock through my pants.

Suddenly stopping her singing, she put a hand on the back of my head and leaned in to kiss me. My head was swimming as she bit my lower lip and sucked on it.

“What made you change your mind?” I asked her when the kiss broke.

“I can’t turn down a guy who knows all the words to one of my favorite songs,” she said, her green eyes gleaming as she said it.

“Even if I can’t sing?” I asked as I set her down on the edge of the pool table.

“Sometimes you just have to ‘fuck it’ and get over it,” she said as my hands traced their way up her thigh. As I grabbed the waistband of her panties, she lifted her ass up and let me pull them off. “Just because you’re tone deaf shouldn’t count against you. Now lets see if your mouth works better on my pussy than it does trying to sing.”

A huge grin crossed my face as she said that last bit. Twirling her panties around my index finger, I tossed them over my shoulder as she laughed at my inane exhibition.

“When I’m watchin’ my TV and a man comes on and tell me, how white my shirts can be. But, he can’t be a man ’cause he doesn’t smoke, the same cigarettes as me,” sang Mick Jagger as I sank to my knees in front of Liz.

Looking up at her, I ran my fingers along the inside of her thighs. Glancing at her pussy, I saw a perfect pink pair of pouty lips topped with a small tuft of light brown hair staring back at me. Gliding my fingers over her labia, I felt a light sheen of moisture already coating them.

She leaned back onto her hands as I inserted my middle finger into her. Sliding my finger in and out of her, I watched her face as she bit her lower lip and partially closed her eyes. Wiggling my finger inside of her, I blew a stream of air across her slit, drawing a slight shudder of excitement.

“I can’t get no. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. That’s what I say. I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no satisfaction. ‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try. I can’t get no, I can’t get no,” I heard on the stereo as I added a second finger into her snatch.

“Mmm,” Liz moaned, scooting her crotch forward in an effort to get more of my fingers inside her.

Using my thumb, I rubbed the hood covering her clit until her nub came fully into view. With my finger still pistoning in and out of her pussy, I stuck my tongue out and gave her clit a quick flick with the tip.

“Fuuuck,” Liz groaned, laying down on her back on the table.

Adding a second finger into her, I sucked her clit into my mouth. Flicking her bud with my tongue while it was in my mouth, Liz arched her back and let out a loud moan of pleasure. Looking at her, I saw her grab her tits and fondle them through her shirt.

“Why don’t you take it off?” I suggested to her.

“Huh? Ungh,” she said, moaning as I dragged my fingertips along the inner walls of her pussy.

“Take off your shirt,” I answered.

Without speaking, she grabbed the hem of her shirt while her back was still arched. Sliding it up her body until it was just below her breasts, she let her back down and raised her shoulders. Pulling the shirt the rest of the way off, she threw her shirt over my head before reaching for the clasp on the front of her bra.

My breath caught in my throat as she unhooked her bra. Pulling the cups away from her tits, she let them fall to her sides instead of taking the bra all the way off. The realization hit me that I had two fingers in the pussy of my biggest ever lust object while her tits were exposed in front of me. If I hadn’t just fucked Avril, I probably would’ve shot my load right there in my underwear. Instead, my cock was just painfully hard as I continued to finger fuck Liz.

“Fuck me,” Liz demanded. When I didn’t move fast enough, she repeated “Fucking fuck me.”

“When I’m ridin’ round the world, and I’m doin’ this and I’m signin’ that. And I’m tryin’ to make some girl, who tells me, Baby, better come back maybe next week. ‘Cause you see I’m on a losing streak,” Mick Jagger sang as I stood up. Unbuttoning my pants, I pulled down the zipper as Liz looked at me pleadingly.

Lining my cock up with her slick opening, I had to silence the voices in my head screaming at me about the irony of fucking while a song about not getting laid was playing. Running the tip of my dick along her slit for added lubrication, I slid it in nice and slow.

Her pussy was surprisingly tight for a woman in her mid 30’s who had a kid, but she still wasn’t nearly as tight as either Avril or Elisha. That was probably a good thing, because I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle it if she had been. As it was, I knew I was going to have trouble lasting. What she lacked in tightness though, was more than made up for by the way her pussy muscles contracted and squeezed my cock.

“Fuck me,” Liz repeated again, raising her hips in an effort to get me moving.

Snapping out of my reverie, I pulled my hips back and withdrew my cock from her until only the head was buried in her. Wanting to take it slow so the experience would last longer, I set off on a steady pace. Liz’s hands were clawing at the green felt on the surface of the pool table as I drove myself in and out of her pussy.

“Harder,” she demanded, grabbing a tit with either hand. Tweaking the nipples, she finished “I want you to, uhh, fuck me harder than you’ve, uhh, ever fucked anyone.”

Taking her challenge, I gritted my teeth and started fucking her like there was no tomorrow. Every thrust was accompanied by a moan from Liz and an obscene squishy sound as her juices were displaced. Her moans were growing in volume as she built her way towards an orgasm.

“I’m gonna cum. Fucking make me cum,” Liz screamed.

Feeling my own orgasm closing fast, I used the thumb on my right hand to rub her clit. The added stimulation sent her over the edge as her whole body went stiff and started shaking. Her hands were squeezing her breasts so tightly that were starting to turn pale around her fingers.

“I can’t get no. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey. That’s what I say. I can’t get no, I can’t get no. I can’t get no satisfaction, no satisfaction. No satisfaction, no satisfaction,” came the end of the song as I felt my orgasm threatening to overtake me. When I couldn’t hold back any longer, I pulled out and rested my cock against her pussy lips. The first shot erupted out of the end of my cock and landed just below Liz’s belly button. The second shot hit her pubic hair and the rest just went all over the place.

All of a sudden I heard clapping as I came down from my orgasmic high. Liz and I both turned our heads and looked to see Avril standing at the bottom of the stairs. She was leaning against the railing, clapping gleefully, and smiling like a school girl.

“That was fucking hot,” Avril said, able to speak now that she didn’t have to worry about interrupting.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Liz asked her.

“You two were gone for a while, so I went looking for you,” Avril answered. “Joe knew I was here, he saw me come in.”

“I didn’t know she was there, I swear,” I said, trying to keep myself from getting in trouble with either of them.

“Do you think it’s fun to watch a private moment like this?” Liz asked Avril again. Turning her head to look at me, she suggested “Maybe she wants to join us.”

“Yeah, yeah, let me join,” Avril said, the school girl smile returning to her face.

Catching on to what was happening, I asked “You two set me up didn’t you? All you had to do was say ‘hey Joe, we both want to fuck you at the same time.’ I would’ve grinned and let you have your way with me. Now I’m not so sure I want to be a part of it. I think I’ll just go up stairs and find Elisha.”

“What? You’d turn us down just because we had a little fun with you?” Avril asked me, crossing the room to stand next to us.

“What do you think I am, an idiot or something?” I sneered, stepping back from Liz. Unable to keep a straight face any longer, I grinned and told Avril “Get over and lick my cum off of Liz’s stomach.”

“Yes sir,” Avril said, giving me a mocking salute before crouching down between Liz’s legs.

Standing there watching Avril licking my jizz off of Liz, I felt my cock start to come back to life. Giving it a couple quick tugs, I leaned down and grabbed Avril’s ass. Patting her butt, I urged her to lift it up.

“You gonna fuck me again?” Avril asked, turning her to look at me as she stood up. Bending back over, she buried her face in Liz’s muff again and waited for me to bury something else into hers.

Grabbing my cock, I lined it up with Avril’s slit. Not caring if I was gentle or not, I slammed it into her in one quick thrust. She must have liked it because she moaned into Liz’s snatch and raised herself up on her tip toes for better access. Pulling myself out, I saw Liz raise herself up onto her elbows so she could get a better view of the action.

Wrapping my arms around Avril’s waist, I bent down and whispered into her ear “I think it’s time to give you what I owe you.”

“Yeah,” Avril said excitedly before Liz shoved her face back into her pussy.

Collecting some of Avril’s juices on my finger, I rimmed her anus. Avril gasped as the tip of my index finger slipped past the entrance of her backdoor. Working my finger in, I moved it from side to side in an effort to loosen her up. Pulling my finger out of her, I replaced it with my thumb to further prepare her for my cock.

“Just fuck my ass already,” Avril demanded.

“The birthday gets what the birthday girl wants,” I said, grinning at her demand.

Giving her ass a couple extra quick strokes with my thumb, I pulled my cock out of her pussy and pressed it against her asshole. Her anus instinctively constricted at first, but I could see her concentrating on relaxing. Finally, the head popped through, drawing a grunt of satisfaction from Avril.

“Shit,” Avril grunted as I pushed my way into her ass.

“You like having my cock up your ass?” I asked, palming the cheeks of her ass with my hands.

“Yeah,” Avril hissed, sticking a finger into Liz’s pussy.

“Lick that pussy bitch,” I commanded Avril, slapping her on the ass when I was buried to the hilt.

“Fuck you,” Avril grunted, but she obeyed and went back to working Liz’s pussy over.

“Good girl,” I said, reaching down and rubbing Avril’s clit with my middle finger as a reward. Avril tried responding, but the response was muffled by Liz’s hand forcing her mouth onto her pussy.

Slowly pulling out, I could feel her ass gripping me like a vise. When just the head was in, I stopped and took a second or two to marvel at the way the skin around her anus was turning almost transparent from being stretched. When Avril shoved her ass back at me impatiently, I took the hint and thrust my way back into her.

“Fucking eat me,” Liz panted, her breasts heaving as she watched me fuck Avril.

Slipping a finger into Avril’s pussy, the inside of my knuckle rubbed against her clit. Rubbing the thin membrane separating her holes with my finger, I could feel my cock thrusting in and out of her asshole.

“I’m cumming,” Liz announced, holding Avril’s head even tighter to her pussy.

Suddenly, Avril said something that was muffled by the cunt in her face. I was about to ask her what she said when I felt her go rigid and her anus clamped down on my cock. Even though I’d already come twice, the added tightness was just too much for me.

“I’m gonna cum in your tight little ass,” I said, thrusting in one last time and holding myself there.

“Yeah, cum in my fucking ass,” Avril said as my cum basted the inside of her ass.

With my cock softening, I pulled out of Avril and stumbled back to land on the couch. Avril stood up and then stepped back so she could throw herself onto the couch across my legs.

“I have to go home and be a mother now. It’s been fun,” Liz said, kissing Avril on the cheek as she picked up her shirt and panties. Giving me a quick kiss on the mouth, she whispered into my ear “Keep in touch kid.”

I sat there grinning as I watched Liz get dressed. I was surprised when I felt Avril reach out and stroke my cock, hoping for a little more. It was no use as there was nothing left to give for the night.

“Thanks for having me Elisha,” I heard Liz say as she climbed the stairs.

Looking up, I saw Elisha coming down the stairs. Crossing to the couch, she grabbed the tie that hung around my neck and said “Come on, I’m taking you to bed.”

“What about me?” Avril asked.

“You too,” she said, grabbing Avril’s hand and pulling her up.

The rest of the night was a bit fuzzy. I remember taking off my clothes in Elisha’s room and climbing into bed, but I don’t remember actually going to the room or much of anything else. I just remember thinking that I had just had the best day ever as I went quickly to dream land.

Sunday, September 28th, 2003:

As the fog of sleep receded, I could feel the bed moving slightly. Rolling over onto my back, I turned my head to see Avril and Elisha in a sixty-nine with Elisha on top with head facing the wall.

“You two couldn’t even wait for me?” I asked, rolling over onto my side facing them. The sleep, along with watching the two of them go at it, had rejuvenated me and I was eager to get in on the action.

“You were pretty, uh, tired last night, and we, uh, didn’t want to wake you,” Elisha said, looking over at me while she said it. “Feel free to jump in now if you want.”

“Who wants it first?” I asked, throwing away the sheet that covered me.

“Elisha didn’t get any last night, so she should get it first,” Avril said, grabbing Elisha’s ass for added effect.

“All right then,” I said, getting on my knees and moving behind Elisha. Seeing Avril’s mouth handy, I suggested “Why don’t you put that foul little mouth of yours to some use and make sure my cock’s nice and lubricated.”

“Her pussy’s wet enough to drive a truck through. I don’t think you’re gonna have a problem,” Avril quipped.

“Better to be safe than sorry,” I returned, crouching down far enough that my balls rested on her forehead.

“Fucking asshole,” Avril said turning her head to the side to get my sweaty nut sack out of her face.

“You two crack me up,” Elisha said, her head turned back to look at Avril and I fight.

When I took my nuts off of her, she grabbed for my cock. Tilting her head back, she aimed the head of my cock at her waiting mouth. As the head passed her lips, Avril swirled her tongue around it and gave it a healthy suck.

“You just like knowing that we both love you most,” I told Elisha, running a finger down the crack of her ass. I dawdled at her anus, rimming it slightly to see her reaction. When she didn’t react at all, I continued down to her pussy. Slipping two fingers between the wet folds of Elisha’s cunt, I worked them in as far as possible.

“Yeah,” Elisha moaned, lowering her head.

Avril, meanwhile, was working more of my cock into her mouth. Seeing that she was having some trouble because of the position she was in, I started thrusting my hips and fucked her mouth.

After a few thrusts into Avril’s mouth, I pulled out and said “I think that’s probably good enough. As you said, she’s wet enough to drive a truck through.”

“Then get your balls off me,” Avril said, Elisha’s tongue buried in her pussy obviously not enough to silence her.

“Quit your yapping,” I snapped at her, pulling my fingers out of Elisha’s cunt.

Lining my cock up with Elisha’s opening with one hand, I put the other one on the small of her back. The smell of pussy was thick in the air as I eased the head into Elisha’s clutching pussy.

“Mmm,” Elisha moaned, lifting her head up.

When the rest of my cock was buried in Elisha, I stopped to revel in the feel of her cunt squeezing me. Grabbing her hips, I began to pull out of her slowly. As I thrust back in, Elisha moaned softly and lowered her head back to Avril’s slit. Sliding my cock in and out of Elisha, I could feel Avril’s tongue licking around Elisha’s clit and occasionally caress my shaft as it thrust into Elisha’s depths.

Pulling out of Elisha completely, I suggested that they change positions. Elisha lifted herself up so Avril could scoot out from under her. Laying down on her back with her head now facing the wall, Avril spread her legs and presented me with her shaved pussy. She was about to say something when Elisha swung her leg over Avril’s head and started rubbing her pussy on Avril’s face.

“That’s what I like to see,” I said, grabbing Avril’s legs to spread her out even more.

Elisha was facing the wall, and reached out in front of her to put the palms of her hands against the wall as she ground her pussy onto Avril’s mouth. I watched as Avril reached up to grab Elisha’s ass and stroke Elisha’s fired up cunt with her nimble tongue.

Slowly driving my cock into Avril’s pussy, I could tell that Elisha had done a good job of getting her nice and wet for me. Her pussy was so wet that excess juices oozed out with every inch I pushed into her. When I was in all the way to the hilt, I brought Avril’s legs together in front of me and felt her pussy clench down on me even tighter. The feeling was magnificent as I pulled my way out of her.

Elisha moaned loudly as Avril slipped a finger into her dripping snatch. Avril uttered a muffled moan around Elisha’s clit as I drove myself back into her.

Watching the two of them spurred me on even harder as I fucked Avril. Deciding to pay more attention to Avril, I put my hands on the bed and let Avril’s legs slide down my arms until the backs of her knees rested in the crooks of my elbows. Building up a nice rhythm with my thrusts, I plunged my cock in and out of Avril’s tight cunt over and over.

“Oh my god,” Elisha gasped suddenly.

Looking up, I saw Elisha with her head thrown back and her hands up, presumably clutching her breasts as she rode Avril’s tongue. Avril had an index finger in Elisha’s ass up to the first knuckle and was insistently working more of it in. The way Elisha seemed to pushing back to meet the jabs of Avril’s finger, it looked almost like Elisha was getting off on it a bit.

“Oh god,” Elisha panted, leaning forward to rest her head against the wall as she bucked her hips on top of Avril.

“You gonna cum babe?” I asked her, driving myself into Avril as hard as I could.

“Yeah,” she said, somewhat muffled, which made me think that she was biting her lower lip to stifle a scream.

“You want to cum on Avril’s tongue, don’t you?” I asked, trying to egg her on. “Cum for me.”

“Gonna, uh, cum,” Elisha moaned, arching her back and pressing her chest against the wall as well.

“You like having your friend’s finger up your ass while she eats your little pussy?” I asked, feeling my own orgasm coming.

“Yeah,” she answered. To Avril, she said “Finger my ass.”

With that, her body started shaking and I could see a rush of pussy juice running down Avril’s face as her orgasm hit. Elisha’s orgasm must have set off a chain reaction because all of a sudden Avril screamed something into Elisha’s pussy and I felt her cunt clamp down on me.

“I’m gonna cum too,” I hissed, driving myself into Avril one last time before holding it there.

Clenching every muscle in my body, I tried to hold off as long as possible. My muscles rebelled against the strain as I felt my calf muscles start to knot up. Gritting my teeth against the pain, I felt the first spurt of cum shoot out of the end of my cock.

When the spasms ceased, I pulled out and fell onto the bed next to Avril. Elisha slumped backwards and fell onto the bed in between us with her head landing about even with our genitals.

“Fuck that was great,” Avril said, throwing her hands in the air in excitement.

“I hear ya,” I said, just as excited but slightly more tired than her.

“I think she needs some of what I got last night in the basement,” Avril said, lifting her head to look at me and pointing her finger down towards Elisha.

“What you got last night?” I asked, the fog of sex still clouding my mind.

“Yeah, you know, fuck her in the ass,” Avril said, looking at me like I was an idiot.

“Wait a minute,” Elisha said, sitting bolt upright at the suggestion. “No one said anything about fucking me in the ass.”

“You liked my finger in your ass didn’t you? Just think of it as that and a couple more in there at the same time,” Avril said.

“I don’t know,” Elisha said, the nervousness showing on her face as she glanced from Avril to me and then back again.

“Don’t mind her, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” I assured Elisha, reaching my hand out to idly stroke her thigh.

“Yeah, you can pussy out and let him go home without trying it out,” Avril said. When Elisha just shrugged, Avril tried the logical approach “Look, sooner or later some guy is going to really want to do it. Some day you’re going to do it, and you don’t know if he’s going to be nice about it or not. Joe’s got the Avril seal of approval when it comes to ass fucking.”

“Thanks for that,” I said, laughing to myself. “I’ve got the ‘Avril ass fucking seal of approval.’ I wonder if I can put that on my resume.”

“Sure, tell them to call me and I’ll tell them all about it,” Avril said. To Elisha, she asked “So, you gonna do it or not?”

“I’m not sure,” Elisha answered, nervously rubbing her hands together.

“Fine, I’m going to take a shower,” Avril said, sitting up and climbing out of bed. Stretching her arms over her head, she yawned and crossed the room to the bathroom.

When the bathroom door closed, Elisha moved so that she could lay down next to me. Hearing the water start to run, Elisha snuggled up to me and asked “Do you really want to do it?”

“Do you want the truth?” I asked her, putting my arm around her shoulder. When she nodded, I continued “I’d love to, but you don’t have to. It’s already been the best weekend of my life, and I highly doubt anything could possibly top it. I’m not going to leave here thinking ‘if only I could have fucked her in the ass’ or anything. Would it be nice? Sure, but it’s not going to make me think it was all a waste.”

“Good,” she said, rolling over onto her with her head resting on my chest and draping one of her legs over mine.

Softly making figure 8’s with my fingers on the skin between her shoulder blades, I was struck with a sense of sadness that it was my last day in LA. In a matter of hours I was going to get on a plane and head back to my dull mundane life.

“What are you thinking?” Elisha asked, looking up at my face.

“That I have to leave soon. It seems like I just got here, but it also seems like I’ve been here for ages,” I shrugged.

“What are you two doing still lounging in bed?” Avril asked, standing in the bathroom doorway with a towel wrapped around her head but otherwise completely naked. Her body shimmered slightly from the thin layer of water clinging to her skin.

“I’m enjoying my final hours before returning to the doldrums of real life,” I answered. Seeing Avril rifle through my bag, I asked “What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for the present you promised me, and something to wear,” she said, pulling out a pair of clean boxers and a black t-shirt.

“Your present is in the side pocket, and that’s my last clean pair of underwear,” I said, throwing a pillow at her to get her out of my bag.

“Then go commando,” she said, undeterred as she opened the side pouch and pulled out a semi-neatly wrapped package. “Here it is.”

“I’m going to take a shower before she decides to take everything else I brought,” I said, reluctantly disengaging from Elisha so I could get out of bed.

“It’s fucking perfect,” Avril yelled as I closed the bathroom door.

Turning on the water, I tested the temperature with my hand before stepping under the flow. Turning my back to the shower head, I leaned my head back to wet my hair down. Grabbing the bar of soap, I started washing myself off.

“I’m a barbie girl, in a barbie world. Life in plastic, it’s fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation,” I sang to myself for no apparent reason.

“What are you singing?” Elisha asked, pulling back the shower curtain.

“Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’. Odd things pop into my head at odd moments,” I explained.

“Well sing something else, or at least don’t sing it in such a high, annoying pitch,” Elisha pleaded with me.

“That’s how the song goes. The woman with the high pitched voice sings that part and then the guy sings ‘come on Barbie, lets go party.’ You’re making feel very old by not knowing the song, you know that don’t you?” I asked, smiling at her. “It’s only like 6 years old, so you would’ve been much closer to the prime demographic than I was when it came out.”

“I must have missed it,” she said, still amused at my choice of songs to sing in the shower.

“Did you come to join me, or did you just come in here to tell me to quit singing? It’s a pretty common thing, the telling me to quit singing thing,” I said.

“No, I’m going to make breakfast. I’ll catch a shower after that,” she said, grinning as she closed the shower curtain on me.

“You just love teasing me with a joint shower and then snatching it away from me, don’t you?” I hollered after her.

“You know it,” she hollered back before I heard the door close again.

Damn woman’s gonna be the death of me,” I muttered to myself. Cracking a smile, I finished “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

After my shower, I went into the bedroom to dress. Pulling out my last clean shirt, I pulled it on over my head. Seeing that only had one pair of shorts left, I put them on to go with the white Stevie Ray Vaughn shirt with crossed guitars on the front that I was wearing.

“What’s for breakfast?” I asked walking into the kitchen.

Elisha was standing at the stove wearing a white cotton robe holding a spatula in her hand. Avril was sitting at the counter with my Ozzy Osbourne shirt on, eating something out of a bowl sitting in front of her.

“French toast, but Avril’s having fruit because she’s against eating eggs or something like that,” Elisha said, pointing her spatula at Avril.

“I’m a vegetarian. Vegetarians don’t eat meat,” Avril said.

“Eggs aren’t meat yet,” I pointed out, sitting down next to her.

“Be quiet,” Avril said, smacking me on the back of the head. “You’re eating aborted chicken fetus is what you’re doing.”

Hanging my tongue out of the side of my mouth, I went into Homer Simpson mode and said “Mmmm, aborted chicken fetus.”

“That’s sick,” Avril said, wrinkling her nose at me.

“Come on, you know want some chicken fetus,” I said, picking up an egg off the counter and waving it in her face.

“Get it away from me,” Avril screamed.

“Behave you two,” Elisha scolded us, standing there with her hands on her hips like she’s dealing with a couple of five year olds.

Setting the egg down, I nudged Avril with my elbow when Elisha wasn’t looking. Pouring syrup on my french toast, I suddenly got a flash of the infamous syrup scene in ‘The Big Time’. Shaking my head to clear such dirty thoughts, I dug into my breakfast and still found time to elbow Avril between stuffing my face with forkfuls of food.

“I have to get dressed and then go,” Avril said, stuffing the last of her fruit in her mouth. Kissing me on the cheek, she said “Thanks for the presents.”

“The belt was your only real present from me. Fucking you was more for my own selfish reasons than anything else,” I said, grinning.

“Thanks for letting me have Joe last night,” Avril told Elisha, leaning in to kiss her. When Avril saw me lean back to watch, she grabbed Elisha’s ass and made the kiss more passionate to give me a bit of a show.

“There’s no need to stop now,” I said when they broke the kiss. “I’ll just sit here and be quiet if you two want to kiss some more.”

“I really need to go,” Avril said, letting go of Elisha. Turning her head to look at me, she said “If you got excited watching us, I’m sure Elisha would help you out.”

“This morning’s activities were enough for now, but I’m sure I’ll be bugging her to let me bugger her again before I have to leave,” I said, grinning as Elisha sat down to eat her french toast.

“I want any and all details,” Avril said. “I need to get dressed and catch my bus before the band leaves without me.”

“If they leave you behind, you can always come back here. I’m sure I could find the energy for another threesome,” I said.

“They won’t leave without me. They’ll be pissed that I’m already late, but it’s hard to do an Avril Lavigne concert with Avril Lavigne,” Avril shrugged.

“Make sure I get my clothes back,” I called after her as she left the kitchen.

“You’re not getting your clothes back,” Elisha said, putting a piece of french toast in her mouth.

“Dammit, that was one of my favorite shirts,” I lamented.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Elisha said. “Besides, every time you see Avril wearing an Ozzy shirt, you’ll know where she got it.”

Looking her over, I could see that her robe was slightly open and I could see she was wearing my Misfits t-shirt underneath. “Are you going to buy a new shirt to replace the one you’re wearing, or are you going to actually let me keep it?”

“Don’t I get to keep a memento as well?” She asked, batting her eyelashes at me. “You can keep something of mine if you want.”

“Naked pictures of you would work,” I said, knowing what the answer would be even before I said it.

“I don’t think so,” she said, shaking her head.

“It was worth a try,” I said, grinning. “Keep the shirt. Just promise me that you’ll wear it well.”

“I’ll make sure to wear it any time I have a lesbian orgy. That way your spirit can watch even if you can’t,” she said, pursing her lips in a failing effort to keep a straight face.

“Great, now I have to find somewhere quiet where I can get the image of you and a bunch of women engaged in illicit acts out of my head. If I don’t do it soon, I might have to something rash like take you right here on the counter,” I said, getting up.

“Why don’t you?” She asked, winking at me.

“Because doing it on the counter is so cliché,” I quipped. “I’d rather be a little more unique than bending you over the counter.”

“Well, let me know what you decide,” she said, going back to her breakfast.

“You’ll be the second one to know. The first one to know would be me, because I’d be the one that thought of it,” I said, going into the living room.

“If you don’t think of anything, I’ll be in the shower,” she called after me.

In an effort to calm myself down, I sat down on the couch and tried to think of football or anything that wasn’t Elisha engaged in a lesbian orgy. When that failed miserably, I decided that quiet probably wasn’t what I needed at the moment.

Popping my copy of Master of Puppets into the CD player, I cranked the volume up until I couldn’t even hear myself think, then I turned it up another notch. As the opening acoustic guitar bit of ‘Battery’ came on, I could feel adrenaline begin to course through my veins. By the time the electric guitars and drums kicked in, I was well on my way to a natural high that only sex can match.

“Lashing out the action, returning the reaction, weak are ripped and torn away. Hypnotizing power, crushing all that cower, Battery is here to stay,” I screamed along to the music, even though it was too loud to even myself. “Smashing through the boundaries, lunacy has found me, cannot stop the Battery. Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession, cannot kill the Battery.”

“Crushing all deceivers, mashing non-believers, never ending potency. Hungry violence seeker, feeding off the weaker, breeding on insanity,” I screamed as I started forming the idea of joining Elisha in the shower. Sure it was just as cliché as a post breakfast romp on the countertop, but no one ever accused me of being incredibly original. “Smashing through the boundaries, lunacy has found me, cannot stop the Battery. Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession, cannot kill the Battery.”

“Circle of Destruction, Hammer comes crushing, Powerhouse of energy. Whipping up a fury, Dominating flurry, We create the Battery,” came James Hetfield’s unaccompanied vocals as I suddenly lost interest in the music. My mind was on seeing if Elisha needed someone to wash her back or something. “Smashing through the boundaries, lunacy has found me, cannot stop the Battery. Pounding out aggression, turns into obsession, cannot kill the Battery.”

I had the presence of mind to at least turn the down the stereo before I went to find Elisha. Not finding her in the kitchen, I made my way down the hallway to her bedroom. As I turned the corner, I saw Avril emerging from Elisha’s bedroom wearing my t-shirt and the pants she had been wearing the night before.

“She’s taking a shower,” Avril said.

“Maybe I came looking for you,” I said, putting my arm around her shoulder.

“No you didn’t,” Avril said. “Elisha told me to send you in if you came this way. Thanks again for the presents.”

“Your welcome, and I guess your welcome for my shirt as well,” I said, opening the bedroom door.

“A girl’s gotta take what she can get,” she said. Holding out her necktie, she handed it to me and said “Here, I’ll trade my tie for your shirt.”

“Normally I’d rather have the shirt, but a tie would make a nice remembrance of fucking you on the balcony.”

“Or fucking me in the ass while I went down on Liz?” Avril asked, smirking at me as she turned and headed down the hallway..

“That too,” I said, watching her ass as she went. When she turned the corner, I went to see Elisha wanted company in the shower.

“I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating. So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up?” I heard Elisha rapping as I opened the bathroom door. I could see her silhouette on the shower curtain as she danced underneath the water.

“I’d ask what you’re singing, but I know Eminem when I hear it,” I said with a smirk as I pulled back the curtain.

“I figured you’d show up in here when I heard you turn down Metallica,” she said, returning my smirk.

“Need help with something, or should I go back to Metallica?” I asked her.

Handing me a washcloth, she asked “Isn’t sex in the shower a little too cliché for you?”

“Yeah, but it’s cliché because it works,” I quipped, pulling my clothes off.

“Then make yourself useful and wash my back for me,” she said, turning her back to me as I stepped into the shower.

Grabbing the bottle of body wash, I poured some onto the washcloth that she had handed me. I rubbed the cloth together in my hand to build up a lather on the surface before applying it to her back. I let the cloth glide over her shoulders and down her spine before moving in circles out to her sides. When her back was covered in suds, I reached around her and started washing her stomach.

“I already washed my front,” she said, leaning back into me as I pressed myself against her back.

“Better to be safe than sorry,” I whispered into her ear as my hand found it’s way up to her breasts.

“Uh huh, sure,” she said skeptically, leaning her head back on my shoulders. She turned her head and began nibbling on my collarbone as I made extra sure her tits were nice and clean.

“Time to rinse off your back,” I said, turning her around.

“Do you want me to wash this for you?” She asked, reaching down to stroke my cock.

“Yeah, but not right now,” I said, pulling her to me.

She squealed slightly as I pressed her against the wall. Her squeal was soon silenced as I pressed my lips to hers. She opened her mouth eagerly as I pressed my tongue against her lips.

Starting at her hips, I ran my hand up her side until I reached her armpit. Following the curve, I dragged my fingertips along the wet skin of her upper arm. I knew that this was likely to be my last chance to touch her, and I was determined to study each crevice and every inch of her body.

Biting her bottom lip gently, I moved my hands down to her ass. Lifting her up, she threw her legs around my waist and locked her ankles behind my ass. My cock was erect and trapped between us as we pressed together. It pulsed with desire, feeling the heat of her pussy against it.

Keeping Elisha pinned to the wall where she was, I bent my knees enough to free my cock. Straightening back up, I felt the head of my cock press against her opening. Driving it home in one quick thrust, I heard her gasp and felt her bite my shoulder. Holding the position for a moment, I took the time to memorize the way her pussy wrapped around my manhood like a glove.

Nibbling on her neck, I slowly pulled myself back out. Pushing my way back into her, she moaned into my shoulder. Her nails raked my back as I set an almost agonizingly slow pace.

“Faster,” she whispered into my ear.

“If this is the last time I’m going to do this, I’m going to make damn sure that it lasts as long as possible,” I said as I continued to slowly thrust into her hot cunt.

“Please,” she pleaded with me, moving her head to the other side of my own head to get away from the spray of water from the shower head.

“You want me to fuck you harder?” I asked. Making a couple quick thrusts, I asked “Like this?”

“Uh, yeah,” she moaned, biting my earlobe.

Water pelted my left arm and shoulder as I surged forward into her pussy. The quicker strokes I was taking were bringing her closer to climax, but they were also dragging me to the brink of orgasm faster than I wanted. As a compromise between the slow strokes I wanted and the fast ones she wanted, I alternated speeds. One slow thrust, then one fast one. Two easy strokes, followed by one hard shove that would catch her slightly off guard.

“Fuck me,” Elisha hissed into my ear, arching her back and using her legs to pull me into her even deeper.

Sensing that her orgasm was imminent, I shortened my strokes. Making quick thrusts, I felt her stiffen against me and her pussy clamped down on my cock like a vise. As her orgasm tore through her, I buried my head in crook of her neck and held myself still to stave off my own orgasm.

“Oh god,” she sighed contentedly when her mind cleared. When I resumed my thrusting in her, she said “Aren’t you the stud today.”

“It’s easy to be a stud when a minx like you is running around,” I quipped.

“Come on, lets dry off and move this to the bedroom,” she whispered into my ear. Her voice was low and husky as she said it.

“It won’t take long,” I promised, not wanting to pull out just yet.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” she replied, a devious smile lighting up her face.

“Fine,” I said, reluctantly pulling my cock out of her.

When she had her feet back on the ground, she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. I turned off the water and watched as she bent over to dry her legs. Stepping up behind, I pressed my crotch against her ass and bent over her to help her dry herself off.

“You just can’t let go, can you?” She asked, pressing herself back against me.

“I really am quite persistent,” I answered, standing back up and taking the towel from her.

“What am I going to do when you go home? No one to hump my leg every second,” she said. “You’d probably get tired of me after a while anyway.”

“You’re like AC/DC,” I said. When she gave me a confused look, I continued “I can listen to AC/DC every day and not get sick of them, so I can assure you that I wouldn’t get tired of you. Besides, you look better in a bikini than Angus Young.”

“I hope so, or I’d have to wonder what team you really play for,” she said playfully as she watched me towel myself off.

Picking her up, I carried her through the doorway and into the bedroom. Laying her down on the bed, I said “I’ll show you what team I play for.”

Crawling onto the bed next to her, I was mildly surprised when she scrambled up onto her hands and knees. Walking on my knees, I get behind her on the bed. Placing one of my hands on the small of her back, I let my hand trace her spine down to her waist. Continuing down to the crack of her ass, my fingers slid along the still moist skin between her buttocks. She gasped slightly when my fingertip came in contact with her anus.

When my hand had reached her pussy, I ran my finger along the length of her slit. She lowered herself onto her elbows and pushed herself back at me when my middle finger made contact with her erect clitoris. Running my finger back to her opening, I gathered up some of her juices on the tip of my finger.

Leaning down behind her, I moved my finger back to her clit and traced light circles around it. Sticking my tongue out, I lapped some of the juices from her pussy lips. Folding my tongue in half, I used it like a spear, darting it into her waiting snatch.

“Mmm,” she moaned, pushing her body back onto my tongue and finger.

Pulling my tongue out of her pussy, I flattened it out again and dragged along the length of her slit. Reaching the end of her pussy, I continued until I reached the rosebud of her anus. I’d never licked a woman’s asshole before, but I was curious to see what it was like. It wasn’t bad, but if it weren’t for the fact that she had just been in the shower I wouldn’t have done it.

“Ohh,” Elisha gasped, feeling my tongue rimming her rear entrance.

“You like that?” I asked, punctuating the question with a quick flick of the tip of my tongue on her asshole.

“Yeah,” she said, lowering her head until her forehead rested against the surface of the bed.

Drawing my tongue back down to her pussy, I gave it a couple quick licks. Still massaging her clit with my finger, I licked my way back and forth between her pussy and ass. I could feel her really getting into it as her body twitched and her moans got louder under my ministrations. Licking the index finger on my other hand, I pressed it against her asshole. Feeling her tense up slightly, I rubbed her clit until her anus relaxed enough for my finger to slip in to the first knuckle.

“Oh god,” she moaned loudly as the finger in her ass pushed her over the edge. Her body convulsed as her orgasm pulsed through her. I could see that she had turned her head to the side and had her cheek pressed against the bed. She was mouthing something that looked an awful lot like the ‘F’ word over and over.

Getting back up on my knees behind her, I waited until she was just starting to come down from her orgasm before pressing my cock against the opening of her pussy. Slipping just the head past her entrance, I could feel her inner muscles still flexing and tightening as the last waves of her climax coursed over her.

Stroking about half of my cock in and out of her, I put my hands on her hips to pull her back onto me. Elisha was pushing back on me, trying to get all of me inside her, but I knew that I wasn’t going to last very long. I had been close to cumming in the shower and the little break helped, but not by much.

“Come on and fuck me,” Elisha demanded, raising her head up to look back at me.

I could see her move one of her hands down her body and felt her fingertips glide along the surface of my cock as I buried it in her. She was supporting her weight on one elbow and using the fingers on her other hand to rub her clit. The combined stimulation of my dick fucking her and her finger massaging her bud were rapidly bringing her back to the edge of cumming.

“I’m about to cum,” I announced, hoping to postpone long enough for her to get there as well.

“Cum in me,” she said, throwing her head back.

Gritting my teeth, I made a couple more quick strokes into her before I couldn’t hold it any longer. Burying myself in her to the hilt, I grunted and felt my cock pulse inside her before letting loose with what felt like every drop of fluid I had in my body.

“Oh yeah,” Elisha moaned, being pushed over the edge as well.

Collapsing on top of her, I managed to grab her and roll us over onto our sides without pulling out of her. As my cock softened inside of her, I kissed her shoulder and cuddled up behind her.

“How long until we have to go to the airport?” She asked, her voice sounding tired and slightly delirious.

Looking over my shoulder at the clock on her bedside table, I said “About three hours.”

“Good, there’s enough time for a nap,” she said, pushing herself back against me, molding her body to mine.

Not being able to think of a reason to argue, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Next thing I remembered was Elisha shaking me awake to tell me to get dressed. Getting up, I grabbed my clothes off the bathroon floor and put them on. After I had stuffed my things into my bag, I left the bedroom and found Elisha, wearing my Misfits t-shirt and black shorts, standing near the front door.

“Bye,” she said, giving me a lingering kiss on the mouth when it was time for me to board my flight home.

“You didn’t have to love me like you did. But you did, but you did, and I thank you,” I sang to her.

“What’s that from?” She asked.

“You really need to be sent to the Joe school of music appreciation, you know that? That was ZZ Top’s “I Thank You’. The rest of the song doesn’t quite fit because it’s about a cheating woman, but taken out of context those lines fit,” I said, grinning before turning to get on the plane.

Getting in my seat, I looked out the window and saw Elisha standing at the window watching the plane pull away from the gate. Before the plane was even fully in the air, I had my eyes closed and waiting for my ears to stop popping so I could sleep.

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